A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I could do with some advice before I destroy the best thing thats ever happened to me. A month ago I met the most amazing guy and we just clicked, he lives about 90 miles away but when we see each other and talk we get on amazingly and both care a great deal for one another. In some ways we are both very different and like doing different things but that makes it more exciting because to me if you like everything the same where is the fun in that. But unfortunately last night we ended up getting into a deep and meaningful bout future things and well its left both of us a little fraught. We ended up talking about children, he said although he likes and gets on with children he is not sure if having them of his own appeals to him and im undecided one day I want them next I dont as im not what you would call a maternal lady. This conversation should never have happened and we should be concentrating on getting to know each other better but im scared at the moment that it might be too late and he may have run as he can be a little commitment phobic as he has never really had a serious relationship not because he has been a lad just because he hasnt found the right person. Any ideas as to how I can rectify this and tell him we need to forget the conversation ever happened and just concentrate on getting to know each other and enjoying one anothers company.Thanks xx Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 SO basically you both are not sure if you want to have kids...which means you have even more in common. Take the fact you were interested in having this conversation as a sign you are both thinking it. If this scares him off, he really isn't someone you could be with long term anyways.
-FBK
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (23 May 2007):
 Just repeat your last sentence to him and that should alay his fears, if he has any. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (23 May 2007):
 What are you doing in this relationship, woman?
You sound really satisfied with what you have.
"In some ways we are both very different and like doing different things but that makes it more exciting"
"to me if you like everything the same where is the fun in that" - Are you with this man just for fun?
"need to forget the conversation ever happened and just concentrate on getting to know each other"
Probably you should have a break from this relationship to find what you want or at least slow down.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (23 May 2007):
 If he hasn't been in a relationship before, then the best thing that you can do is take baby steps. Don't scare him away. He may want kids, but he may also have a fear of getting his hopes up thinking that he might have found a girl who wants to be a definite thing in his life. Your relationship is just starting out, and you should be thinking more along the lines of where you two are going out to next. Everyone has their own comfort zone, and over time, once he's comfortable, his views will probably change. He's probably just being very guarded at the moment due to his lack of experience. Give him space to learn, and be willing to stand by him as he does so.
DV1
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