A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So I am 14 and will be 15 in about 2 months, anyways there is this guy I really like and he is going to ask me out on Friday (my friends ruined the suprise) I am really happy about this but the thing is I would have to hide the relationship from my parents. They do not want me dating until I am 16. He would be my first boyfriend and I am not sure if I could successfully hide it from my parents. I would not be his first girlfriend and his parents are perfectly fine with him dating so they would know we are together, also all of our friends would know we are together, so my family would be the only ones who wouldn't know. I will tell him that we would have to hide it from my parents. Anyways after that long post, I was wondering if I could pull this off if I just act like he is my friend (unless we hang at my house my parents wouldn't even have to know he is a guy because his name works both ways) or should I just tell him I can't until I am 16.I honestly really don't want to do that because not many guys like me and I haven't liked anyone as much as i like him in a while. Has anyone else ever done this and give me advice on how to pull it off, or if you just think it would be better to say no. Thank you for bearing with me during the post and thank you so much for all of the answers :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012): Honestly, it's not worth sneaking around for. You have the rest of your life ahead of you and I know you probably don't want to hear this but your parents are doing it for a reason and you will thank them one day even though your probably thinking you won't now. If this boy really loves you then he would wait and put the effort in to make your parents see that he is trust worthy and then slowly slip in that he likes you. Good things come to those who wait!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 December 2012):
 is he 15/16? if so you either say no I am not allowed or you are friends and let your folks know about him. Say to them that you like him as more than a friend and would date him if they would permit it after they get to know him.
LYING to your parents is never a good idea. If he is 17 or older then you have to wait longer...
I was not allowed to date till I was 16 but I met a boy at 15 1/2 and my parents allowed me to date him. He was my first real boyfriend he was 2 years older than I was and driving already but my parents met him and were very wise and agreed to let us date. we dated till I was 18 and breaking up was hard to do (I broke up with him)
You are almost 15... if you really like this guy then be friends and have him to your home when mom and dad are home so they can meet him and see what a nice guy he is.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (20 December 2012):
Your parents are setting their rules for a reason. You are not mature enough right now to understand that they are correct. You will be someday, in the meantime, you need to listen to them on fiat.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): I wouldn't advise you go behind your parents back with this, as its important for them to know they can trust you and lying and dishonesty are the biggest trust breakers of all. Your parents are only forbidding you to date because a lot of teens these days end up making mistakes and getting pregnant or becoming distracted, losing focus and going down the wrong path while they're still very young. Sixteen is generally the legal age where a person can by law make their own decisions on when and who to date, hence your parents can't make those decisions for you when you're of legal age.
If the guy is your age and not ridiculously older than you, then my advice would be to tell your parents that you like a guy, its natural to have feelings for a someone, and you would really like to spend time with him hanging out and getting to know him, and you didn't want to go behind their backs and betray their trust so before you made any decision you wanted to tell them and ask for approval from them. Even offer to let them meet him first so they can get to know a bit about him and get a rough idea who he is and what he's about.
That's all I'd really suggest. I know its hard to get someone out of your mind when you have feelings for them, but I also know that betrayal is very destructive too. So I guess that would be my advice.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 December 2012):
 How old is he? And how well do you know his parents?
You're like, a little over a year from being able to date without hiding anything.
I would go out on a limb and suggest that you tell your mom and dad, when this guy asks you out on a date, "Mom, Dad, Sean asked me out. I really like him. I'd like to go out on a date with him." See what they say.
I wouldn't recommend hiding a dating relationship. I would especially suggest you not get too certain about this until this guy asks you out.
Why won't they let you date till age 16? Presumably, they have a rationale. Ask them a few questions: (this will make them remember being your age)
"How old were you when you started dating? How old were you when you WANTED to start dating?"
"What is it you are worried about with my dating?"
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I think your best bet is to act like a reliable person and then when you are older and in charge of your own destiny, you'll be happy that you did ask mom and dad.
You could also regret it horribly, your mom and dad could be the biggest hypocrite who are selfish, unfair and annoying that way!
They could also be your biggest advocate.
So... I guess we need to know more about your parents and your family life in order to help out at all...
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (20 December 2012):
You're young enough that you can still be boyfriend and girlfriend in a 14 year old sense without having to really betray your parents. Obviously if you go on dates, go to his house, etc. and are lying about it you are betraying your parents trust and if you are close to your parents and you want them to trust you then you need to remember that. Losing your parents' trust can be a big deal for both you and them.
However, if you tell this guy that you're not allowed to have a boyfriend but you'd be happy just hanging out with him at school and maybe in situations where there is plenty of other people around then it's probably innocent enough that you'd not be doing something wrong.
The spirit of your parents not wanting you to date probably has a lot to do with you not being mature enough... specifically for a sexual relationship. I think you can have an innocent relationship with him but you really do need to keep it innocent if you want to avoid feeling guilty.
Keep in mind that for most of human history a girl your age would already be a mother. So the desire to date at your age is perfectly natural and, in my opinion, a parent forbidding you to date is wrong and doesn't really face reality. It's a better idea for them to teach you what is and isn't acceptable dating behavior at your age and WHY it is/isn't okay.
SO: hang out with him during breaks and lunch. Maybe after school gets out walk home/wait for the bus with him. Get to know each other. If he really likes you he'll understand that you can't do much more than that. But you need to understand why your parents want you to wait until you're 16 as well!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): This is my question (I did not save the code to find the question .) anyways I defiantly do not plan on having sex at all, I do respect myself and will not do any sort of sexual activity. Also I realize that we do not have a relationship or anything, I basically meant that if things work out if it would be worth it. (this is focused towards mishmash)
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (20 December 2012):
 Ah yes, I was forbidden to date until I was 16 back in the beginning of the decade. It was defintely diffciult to accept so I tried to date them behind my parent's back.
While it sounds like it would be worth it, it's really not. I had to come up with stories all the time and they probably all started to sound the same. Some boyfriends didn't last long because they got tired of sneaking around. Eventually my parents caught on, and I was grounded for a whole summer.
In conclusion, respect your parent's rules. It is their roof, in which you live under, what they say goes. Your parents aren't dumb, they will know if you're sneaking around with a boy behind their backs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): Whoa Nelly....Your friends told you he's going to ask you on a date in 48 hours and you're already trying to hide a "relationship" from your parents?
You don't have a relationship.
You don't have a boyfriend.
You don't even have a date yet.
"I honestly really don't want to do that because not many guys like me and I haven't liked anyone as much as i like him in a while."
If I were your parent reading this, I wouldn't be so upset that you disobeyed the 16 year limit that I'd imposed...I'd be more upset that you are so eager to become romantically involved with someone because "not many guys like me". It sounds like you're selling yourself short and you're throwing yourself at the first guy who takes an interest in you. Sounds like you don't value yourself very much and personally that's a bit sad.
I suspect other aunts and especially those who are mothers on this site will chime in, but you should also be aware that as you are not yet 16 you are under the age of consent. That means if you have sex, even if you agreed, an angry and emotional parent (perhaps yours) could technically charge this boy with rape. For his benefit and yours, don't go there. This doesn't mean you can't spend time with him, but as over-excited as you sound, I want to warn you to keep sexual activity out of whatever interaction you have with him until you're 16 and especially until you decide if you actually like this boy.
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