A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a guy and we were together about 4 months, split up for about 2 but kept in contact and are now sort of back together. altogether we've known each other for about 7 months and I haven't slept with him though he has asked me and he seems to be waiting for me to be ready. we broke up for a little while because I was basically feeling unappreciated and felt like it was a one sided relationship. but then I realised I really missed him and it turns out he misses me too and we haven't met up yet but we've been talking and he says he wants to see me and all that so we're kind of back on. then today I came across a blog; it may sound dumb but sometimes you just never really see something until someone else says it: http://theartofbeingfeminine.blogspot.com/2009/03/signs-that-man-is-using-you.htmland he literally does EVERYTHING that is on the list. and though i already knew he did these things and these were the EXACT, DOWN TO A TEE reasons i ended it with him; reading the blog confirmed it. before you say oh but he isn't using me for sex cos we're not doing it, we still do things and he 'releases' if you know what I mean. along with the things in the blog he makes me pay for him and buy him things a lot which links into some of the issues on the list about me meeting his needs. am i being childish getting paranoid because of a blog or am i right? it feels like someone is forcing me to look at something i already knew was there but trying to avoid.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): If you are feeling doubtful, there's a good reason. Don't go dating him or taking him back. I did that with the one guy I was dating for years. He kept breaking up with me then acting like nothing happened and we'd go dating each other again. This went on for years and I finally decided this guy is never going to ask me to marry him. After 10 years, I gave up and decided if he breaks up with me this time around, I'm not going back to him. He did break up with me again and this time I didn't take him back. I've never looked back. He's regretted it and asked me to take him back but I've already moved on. It's like that Christmas song from George Michael...Last Christmas...give your heart to someone special... give it to someone who deserves you and one who'd respect you fully to the very core. You will find that person and when you do, you'll never have to feel bad because this guy will treat way better than the other one.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 It sounds like you know deep down he's bad for you/using you, but you miss him. Missing someone is not a good reason to get back together.
Remind yourself why you broke up. It sounds like a good reason to stay broken up. It also sounds like he's just looking to take advantage of your missing him. Has anything changed since the last time you two broke up?
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A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 You've already broken up with him once because you didn't want to be with him and now you're not sure if you should be with him. With that being the case, I think you should just look at this hesitation as a warning and move on.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 "it feels like someone is forcing me to look at something i already knew was there but trying to avoid."
I think your gut is spot on! Always follow your gut instincts, and when they are telling you you should watch out, then by all means watch out!
I think if you ever wonder if this guy is using you, and have that nagging feeling that he is.. he most probably is, whether he will ever admit to it or not. I advice you to not get back with this man, just because of the way you express your worries. Sure you miss the good parts, but ... is it worth it? Really? At least don't be naive and think that anything will change, or that he suddenly will care more about you and your needs.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (23 December 2010):
 That post is pretty accurate if you ask me. If your guy is doing that stuff, then that should be a big red flag.
Just because you miss someone when you break up doesn't mean you should get back together. Whatever broke you up before will do it again. It's natural to miss someone, and that often starts the endless make up/break up cycle.
Ditch the loser and find a guy who appreciates you.
I have a rule. Never date someone more than once. What the means is that if we're going out and we break up, that's it. Every time I've broken that rule it's backfired so I will not do it again. You get one chance. If we can't work through our problems, then that's it. It's a good rule, perhaps one you should adopt.
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