A
female
age
41-50,
*admommy1976
writes:Hi thereI am 7 months pregnant, it has been a hard pregnancy as my partner and I were not together when I got pregnant but when all was decided we decided to give it a go... again. Our relationship of 2.5 years has a tough one as he was still very sad about the breakup from his girlfriend before me who left him to become a lesbian. This lead to him breaking up with me, being angry at me lots, projecting his behaviour on me, and I believe almost punishing me for things that she had done to him in the past. Aside from that, he IS a wonderful man, and I love him with all my heart and believe that though it was not fair to me, it was hard on him and now is out of his system now and he is ready to love me and our family, he says and has shown me. All in all these last 6.5 months have been good, we now live together in a lovely home, and it has been cute dreaming together of what will come.The other day I was using his computer and I clicked on his my photo's not expecting to see anything but some friends, me... but I saw a file full of naked pix of his ex girlfriend and him together in bed. I was shocked and sick and sad.... I wanted to talk to him about this rationally, and first told him what had happened. After 2.5 years i had not seen these pix before though his computer has been at home most of the time, so i am not a snoop. He got frusterated at me and demanded I apologize for snooping. I got extremely upset and hysterical from his reaction. He told me he would take care of it and he understood how I felt, though he was frusterated and angry at me. He also told me he was going to keep them. The next day he was at a conference all day and was very nice to me, telling me he would make this better. I surcame to him, of course, and decided to just deal with what i saw and trust that these mean nothing to him and that he would get rid of them bc they mean nothing to him and obviously was very hurtful to me. I told him I loved him, but that I needed a little time to cool down.The next morning he woke up, looked at me and said.. " are you still sad?" I said, I am a little. He got frusterated and angry, left saying nice things but angry like. I lost it again, and threatened to take baby and leave if he talked to me this way regarding the situation. I mean, he had ex nudey pix on his computer, I saw them, and imagine what one would think... and it being her! I asked him questions, of which he replied nicely too, however telling me, he cant always tolerate my feelings. I came home still needing a cool off.. we did not talk. By the time we did i ask what he had done, and he had kept them. He choose to keep the pictures, so very hurt I said, you made a choose, so now I must. Why does he want to keep them..? He says in case we dont work out. I didn't want him near me, though he was being nice again. That night, I was sad and rolled over and told him i loved him and we cuddled for a bit. I do. The next morning he was cold, and a huge fight broke. He told me i was crazy and keeping it going. Saying he would throw away the pix, then telling me he would store them. I said we need help, he said.. you need help. He stormed off... while I lie there prenant and crying.Long end, he thinks it is okay that he keep these pictures and that he be angry at me for feeling so sad about it. Am I be irrational? He has such a way to turn things on me, that I cant be clear. He does not want to help me through this at all.. he is playing the victim and i am 7 months pregnant and have to deal with the fact that he wants to keep naked intimate pix of him and his ex.My heart breaks over this.Thoughts? Please?
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female
reader, CNKlives  +, writes (16 September 2008):
He needs to get rid of the pictures. He is holding on to them in case you don't work out?? What a line! Something like this happened with my current boyfriend...he was offended too and called me a snoop (I'm not, I can't stand a snoop) so we yelled and got mad but he IMMEDIATELY erased the pictures. Don't stay with him for the child, the child deserves to come home to happy parents everyday..even if they aren't together... good luck and hang in there.
A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (16 September 2008):
 Yeeeeah, uh, not okay. It is absolutely NOT okay for him to hang on to those pics. How would he like to find a file of you and some other man in bed together? It isn't an issue of trust, it's an issue of respect. And I know what it's like to be pregnant, not quite as attractive as usual, and frustrated that my partner is looking at other ladies. I would tell him, "oh, you wait untill I have this baby and get my figure back. You'll feel bad about it when other men are looking and whistling at me like you do them!" I did get my figure back, and he does feel bad;) But, back on point, you need to feel loved, respected and supported by him right now, and if you are here looking for an outside opinion on how you feel about those pics, I'm here to say, yes, you have every right to feel the way you do about them. After you have the baby, you will be able to think clearly about it, and stand your ground about it better. Something about being pregnant makes us want to compromise in order to keep the peace with our partners. It dosnt always work, the partner tends to notice how vulnerable you are and they take advantage of it. Right now, focus on you and the baby, and keep this issue simple with him. "Lets get rid of the pics together, right now. I cant stand being disrespected like that any more". And make sure, if he does get rid of them, that you show your appreciation for his efforts. Simple.
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