A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am sure you will not believe my story, but I am telling the truth. I am a large 47 year man who has sadly for me never experienced what it is to have a girlfriend or to fall in love or even just walk with a woman holding their hand. I have never even been kissed yet. I know I am a very gentle, kind and caring man. So instead of looking back, I am still looking to the future to experience all this, if it ever happens now. I am currently quite depressed. Please do not think I am one of those vile creatures, an incel. I deeply love women. How do I go about solving this? Thank you for reading this and I would very much appreciate replies to this! Just for clarification, my size is not massive, can do all normal things, I can use a normal belt on a plane etc
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2021): Oh my dear, dear man. 3 Developing your confidence is your best friend, but it needs to be calm confidence. Natural. It may take a few months of practice and patience before you notice improvement. And it's not about building confidence around women at all (despite what people say), it's about building confidence in yourself, almost imagining that women didn't exist. Just humans. What do you enjoy doing? What's a topic you know a lot about? Engage yourself in those things and show it to the world - or just your circles, haha. Women, just like anyone, are drawn to people who show passion and confidence in things.
Humour is a bonus.
Cleanliness in a must.
Being interested in others does wonders for how people see you.
Style is attractive and clothes that fit in a flattering manner will always help, slender or large.
I fell for a very large guy back when I was in my early twenties. I am a smart, sexy brunette and petite. He was just... so nice, and charming, and funny. And he was very good at what he did - he taught IT in a high school and the kids loved him. He sported a neat, short beard too that was always clean edged and sharp looking. He wore a slate grey suit and smelled good. He was large, and a fair bit older than I was (10 years), but he was just powerful... man he awoke something in me, haha. I'm sure he knew it too.
Look after yourself and love yourself, because everyone is good 'looking' and attractive when they have fun and enjoy other people and what they have to say and offer.
Don't be afraid to flirt subtly with someone you've acquainted, but don't continue flirting if you get no sign of a return.
If you have bad teeth get them fixed. It will improve your confidence immeasurably.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for the helpful answers. I very much appreciate each one taking the time to help me.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (20 October 2021):
 Hi
I think to start off with maybe join a gym, get more confidence in yourself. Also a gym is a great place to meet people! Maybe someone who feels just as you do . Age is but a number, I personally would rather find a man who will truly love and respect me , who has never dated than to find a man who’s been round the block and still don’t know how to treat a lady!!
If you take a year to get yourself into shape you’ll be amazed with the amount of confidence you’ll gain , which will help you to reach out to that special one.
Hope that helps.
Blessed be x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2021): Thank you very much "you cannot be serious" for your great reply with plenty of much appreciated advice. In relation to the depression, I am clinically depressed. I have got treatment for it but still have it. In relation to work, my job is in a very heavily male dominated sector with unsocial hours.The women who I interact with in the job would be customers,so obviously that is a not appropriate to interact unprofessionally. Thanks again .
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (19 October 2021):
 Welcome to DC. Hopefully we will be able to reassure you and give you some helpful suggestions.
Firstly, when you say you are "currently quite depressed", I am assuming you are using the term to mean "fed up" and "unhappy" as opposed to clinically depressed? If it is the latter, then you need to get help with that before doing anything else, otherwise you will not be in a fit state to maintain a relationship. A relationship will not magically lift clinical depression.
While 47 is, quite obviously, not a young age to start dating, it isn't exactly ancient either and I have to tell you there are many women in your age group looking for kind genuine men. I am not sure why you feel someone would not believe your story. While unusual, it is certainly not unique. I personally work with two guys, one in his late 30s and one in mid 40s, who have never had girlfriends. Both fabulous guys, great work colleagues, fantastic company on a night out. Both have the same thing in common: they have this invisible wall which they erect as soon as a woman starts to show an interest in them. (Both have had a number of females showing interest over the years and both have shied away from them.)
You will have worked out by now that relationships do not just land in your lap, so what are you actually doing to put yourself "out there"? Dating sites seem to be the most common way to make contact with potential partners these days. Have you thought of signing up to a couple? If so, come back with any questions or requests for guidance, and I am sure there will be plenty.
Do you mix with women on a day to day basis, e.g. at work? If so, have you mentioned that you would like to date someone? If you are a genuinely nice guy, you will find people will be keen to pair you up with friends who are single.
Do you have any hobbies or interests where you could meet like-minded ladies? This is always a good way to meet new friends as well as potential partners as you immediately have something to talk about. Taking evening classes in something which interests you is similar. Have you always fancied learning a new language or a new skill? What about volunteering in the local community? All ways of getting out and about and meeting new friends. The best way for a romantic relationship to start is from friendship.
If you keep doing the same things, you will keep getting the same results. Well done for admitting you need help. That is step 1. Now you need to change what you have been doing. You will need to risk rejection and hurt in order to meet someone who is right for you. We have to work for most things we want in life, including relationships. Roll up your sleeves and start working.
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