A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:NEED HELP on what to do. So, I have been seeing this guy on and off for over 2 years now. We recently broke up because he can be very abrasive. He means well, but he can be an ass sometimes. But most of the time, we have this amazing connection that when we are apart, I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him, even though I know he is not right for me. I go back and forth with him because of this, I hate him, I love him. My family HATES him, and that is a HUGE problem. So, as of now, we are back together. When we were apart, I started to go out with other people, hoping that it would get my mind off of him. I went out with this one guy, who was VERY nice to me. Bought me the biggest bunch of flowers I have ever seen, had a great date, but the problem is, is he is not a phone guy. He rarely calls me, and texts me more. He will not call for a while (a week), and then text me to see how I am doing and want to go out again. I am not sure if this is normal (being that I didn't date much before my husband-my husband passed away about 3 years ago-I knew him most of my life). So, anyway, on his anniversary of his death bf #1, emailed me and told me that he truly misses and loves me and would like to help me get through this tough time. And problem is, is I was at my lowest point when he emailed me, and we ended up sleeping together again. So, now we are back together, and problem is, is that I was already involved with this new guy who I kind of like. So, now, a TOTAL monogamist, has 2 men! I cannot wrap my brain around this. Both guys are calling me and I don't know what to do! I hate to hurt both of them. So, I figured out that I should take a step back and date both casually for a couple months, and figure out what I need. I am so confused. Any thoughts? I NEED to be with one person, I hate doing this.
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female
reader, PR_Scorpio +, writes (10 October 2011):
LOL...yes you may!! :) Girl, it's the lessons in life that make us stronger and wiser. And yes, as women, we OVER analyze and OVER think EVERYTHING!!! that's just our nature, but at the same time, if you want to make the right decision, you got to think rationally and not with your emotions. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for YOU!! :) good luck and thanks, hopefull I too will make the right decision for ME! Have a good one!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow! Can I keep you as my personal therapist!? lol You have great advice! I know its about me in the end and what makes me happy. I'm hoping that I need to keep it casual and let things fall into place. And it will. I tend to overevaluate everything, and I think that is what makes us women. We think a lot! Thank you so much for your helping advice. :) Hope things work out for you as well.
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A
female
reader, PR_Scorpio +, writes (10 October 2011):
wow...you just described my boo...lol. I feel you on being torn. Sometimes we go with the familiar because at least we know what we're dealing with and because they've been around for a long time and know us. You just have to think of your future. Do you think you can be happy with who you just described forever? Because chances are, who he is right now, is who is going to be for the rest of his life. If you can deal with the meaness, the sloppyness, the cheapness and all the other negatives, then you're good...but if you think all these negatives are going to wear you down or turn you off in the long run, I would say cut it now and move on to someone and something better. Trust me, I'm going through the same battle in my mind right now. Although I'm not contemplating any other man, I have been thinking about how different my boyfriend and I are and although differences are good, I sometimes see us as oil and water. We just cannot see eye to eye on a lot of important issues and I don't know if I could deal with all his negatives for the rest of my life. I know for a fact that I let a really good guy with great intentions go because I was still holding on to my boyfriend (at that time we were on an "off" period). All that to say, I know the unknown with the new guy might scare you because there are no guarantees with ANY relationship...but don't let fear stop you from making the best decision for you. At the end of the day, you can only be responsible for yourself and for your future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat draws me to him...lets see. I like that he is aggressive and knows what he wants-Me lol. He calls me all the time to see how I am doing and genuinely cares for me. Although, he hurts me a lot with some comments he makes (nothing terribly brutal though). He is a good father. We have amazing sex (blushing). He knows me. And probably that he is familiar. But there are so many negatives as well. He is cheap. He is mean, he is sloppy (his house is really gross and dirty). He is black and white, and I am not sure if that is a male thing or what! lol So, I am very torn.
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A
female
reader, PR_Scorpio +, writes (10 October 2011):
First of all, I think you're doing the right thing by stepping back until you figure out what you need and want. My only advice would be to not have sex with these guys until you figure out what you need/want. As women, we get our emotions involved when we become intimate with a man, so sleeping with both and feeling both at the same time will only confuse you more. I get about the connection and relationship you have with your ex (I'm in a situation just like that, I love my man, but he can be an ass sometimes and not a lot of my friends/family like him), but what really draws you to him? Is it that he's familiar and he's been around for a while? I think you need to take a step back and re-evaluate this relationship and also consider the possibilities with this new guy. But again, the only way you'll be able to make a sound decision for yourself, is by not having sex with these guys. Keep your heart and emotions untangled. Allow yourself some time to think and maybe even make a pro/con list on each of them if that helps. Wish you luck girl!!
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