| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm 17 and have liked a particular guy for 3 years. The problem is he is married, is 39 and now has a baby. His wife works away and I'm often round there and am tempted to make a move. I think he likes me -he shows me loads of respect is quite flirty. I can't stop thinking about him and if I know someone is going to be with him for any reason I get really, really jealous. What should I do?
View related questions:
flirt, jealous, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): From previous experience... I have dated a married man for years, it is very hard. I have tried to leave him many times, but he is extremley possesive. If you really like this guy tell him and see where it goes. If he says he is going to leave his wife then after that has been done...GO FOR IT!!! But not until then. He will blame you in the long run. Trust me on this one!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Ive bin in ur postion its not worth it u wil be used as a sex machine. Stop it now be for it goes any further. Dont be used. Find sum 1 unattached.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): Go with your heart no one knows how you feel apart from you he wouldn't be flirting if he was happy just realise that most married men want the fun but won't commit to you so don't let hime break your hert. kerry
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): Definitely go for it. If it were me, and my wife were gone like that, I would go for it. Do whatever makes YOU feel good and whatever makes YOU happy. :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): I agree with you totally. I am 22 years old and have been with a 2 married men, both of which had children and couldn't leave because of them. I was head over heels in love with the first one but eventually things ended. Now i have moved to a new town and have met another guy who has been married for a year. He says that he does not love her but stays there for the child's sake if you love him let him go they say. Please could you help me i love this man but i feel like its going no where and its all for nothing, i can't stop crying and feeling so depressed, i think i may be pregnant too.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): Hun! I have been there and even done things with a married man. If he seems interested i personally say go for it or you will never now what your missing or what you could have. im 19 and my man was 32 and im still with him after 2 years. he has a kid too but can't leave because of the child. maybe things won't work out or maybe they will you never know till you go for it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2006): What does this man represent to you? What "holes" does he fill? What needs were not met when you were a child? Did you experience neglect and abuse?
CHILDHOOD HISTORY:
1. Did your mother/father ten to be distand or aloof towards you as a child?
2. Was your mother/father uanable to take care of you when you were an infant for any reason (illness, absence)?
3. As a young child, were you adopted, placed in a foster home, or sent to live somewere outside the family home?
4. Did either of your parents die when you were a child?
5. Did your parents divorce or separate when you were a child or adolescent?
6. Do you feel you were deprived of physcial affection as a child?
7. Do you feel that your emotional needs such as being listened to, being encouraged, or being complimented were not met as a child?
8. Did your parents neglect to provide you with adequate supervision, leaving you alone for long periods of time in your home or car?
9. Did your parents seem to be too busy to bother with you? Too busy to teach you about life, ask about your homework, or talk to you about your feelings?
10. Was one or both of yoru parents excessive drinkers or alcoholics, and/or did either of your parents use drugs?
11. Was one or both of your parents extremely critical or domineering?
12. Did you find that it was difficult to please one or both or your parents, or did you get the impression that no matter what you did, your parents would never approve?
13. Was either of your parents extremely possesive of you, not wanting you to have your own friends or activities outside the home?
14. Did either of yoru parents treat you as a confidante or seek emotional comfort from you?
15. Did either of your parents ever phsysically abuse you?
16. Did a parents or an authority ever sexually abuse you?
17. Was either of your parents emotionally incestuous with you-either by looking at you in a sexual way, asking you inappropriate sexual questions, walking around half-dressed or naked in front of you, or expecting you to meet their emotional needs, such as taking the place of an absent partner?
18. Was a sibling ever emotionally incestuous or sexually abusive toward you?
19. Did you ever run away from home?
20. Did you ever feel so enraged with one or both of your parents or siblings that you seriously wanted to kill him or her?
If you answered yes to 1 to 5, you experienced abandonmentas a child.
Experiences with abandonment in childhood cause profound insecurities and fears and sets you up to be insecure, jealous, and possesive in your relationships.
If you answered yes to 6 to 9, you experienced neglect as a child. A physically or emotionally neglected child grows up to either feel that his needs are unimportant or spend the rest of his/her life insisting that others meet the needs that were not met by his parents.
If you answered, yes to 10 to 14, you were emotionally abused as a child.
If you answered yes to 15 to 18, in addition to being emotionally abused, you were either physically or sexually abused or subjected to emotional incest.
If you answered yes to 19and 20, your home life was likely severely emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive.
You should seek out some individual counselling be it through a church or through school. Visit your family doctor and ask for a referal.
Stay away from this married man as he is not what you need.
You need a true friend and you need some true guidance from someone who will not take advantage of your vunerablity.
...............................
A
female
reader, giant scallop +, writes (9 September 2006):
I think htat as you are 17 you should find someone else. If he really does have true loving feelings for you then let him deal with his current relationship in his own way and don't get tangled up in a bitter divorce. He is the one in a relationship and if he is considering having an affair then he needs to decide whether he is committed to his marraige or is going to leave his wife either way it is a complicated process. Put a bit of distance between you and him and you may begin to think more clearly.
...............................
A
female
reader, joeymac +, writes (9 September 2006):
FORGET ABOUT HIM!!! this is a married man with a child we're talking about! if he can do this to his wife and jeopardise his family then what would he do to u? try not to get so flattered by things he says and does. Why are you going round there? in a non-patronising way, you're only 17, this is a 39 year old adult man who has a child and a wife, don't get messed up in something like this it is way too serious and dangerous, u could end up regretting it for the rest of your life, would u be happy knowing u came between a man and his family? ur still young in a couple of years u might think 'oh my god what was i thinking??' we all have crushes but this doesn't sound worth it the stakes are too high, prove yourself as responsible and look out for his wife and baby, he obviously doesn't care. good luck xx
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (9 September 2006):
 You ask what you should do...errr avoid the guy. You are 17 and have your life ahead of you...why settle for an older married family guy when you can have a single guy of your own with no complications? Do you not deserve that? Perhaps he is flirty with all women - some men are just like that. You have to see the various outcomes of this. You make your move, he knocks you back being protective of his wife and family and you make a complete fool of yourself. You make your move, he reciprocates, you have an affair, his wife finds out or he regrets it as he has a baby and you end up being used for sex. There are no 'win' situations with a married guy - read some of the heart break posts about that on this website - if he cheats on his wife (and child) and has a proper relationship with you then he will cheat on you with someone else...many men feel very close to their wives when they have had a baby - children bring people together sometimes. He maybe not getting any sex in the marital bedroom at the moment if his wife is recovering from pregnancy...but that doesn't mean you should settle for being a substitute sexual object for him. Move on and find someone who will treat you with respect but also develop enough self respect not to settle for someone else's husband.
...............................
|
