A
female
age
30-35,
*hadow Rose
writes:So I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 10 months now, and I really love him, but recently he's been talking about how he wants to change his look. Grow out some facial hair, cut his hair short, change his wardrobe, and other stuff. Honestly, he wants to change a lot of the things that attracted me physically, at first.Now I'm not going to be all shallow and dislike him after this makeover, but it does kind of make me feel sad, like, he was fine with the way he looked for so long, and now suddenly he wants this drastic change, and I feel like he's trying to change because of me. Like, he's always said things about how awesome he is, and how cool he looks, and I've always tried to compliment him too, so this whole want for a makeover confuses me. Especially since he told me how his hair is like his story, it's been with him since all the stuff that happened in his life, so it obviously held sentimental value...Why would a guy suddenly want to change so much?Do you guys think it could have been my fault, in some way? like, he thought he needed to change for me to continue to like him or something? It also makes me feel like I haven't complimented him enough.... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (12 April 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the question I don't know if that's the case, that it's a fear, but I guess it could be, and I just don't realize it....
I do know I would never want to lose him, though. I truly would be distraught if I lost him, he means a lot to me, and so does his happiness, which I think is why this concerns me, somehow....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): Age is a factor in this sudden change. When someone feels adventurous and daring and has never really expressed it- when they feel confident to do so, they will.
I think you brought him stability and confidence he does want to re-invent himself.
You, you prefer the stability of the old him and attach meaning to he is changing and with it, you may lose him.
It the change you don't like because it is attached to some insecurity/fear.
Not necessarily his personality/character.
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (12 April 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know...
I just hope he doesn't change too much, because if he does, I might not like the person he becomes (I'm not just saying looks wise, so please don't think of me as shallow.)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 Sometimes people just want to reinvent themselves. There doesn't have to be any particular reason behind it. Often, we women, tend to read too much into things and over-analyze.
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (11 April 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just feel weird about it, since he just out of the blue decided to COMPLETELY change. Like, I'd understand if it was like "I want to get a hair cut!"
But he wants to change every aspect of himself, it seems. I don't know if he means to change his personality too, but I'm confused why it's so sudden and so... whole?
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 He's just trying something different. How do you know that he is not going to look even more gorgeous when he changes to his new look? I don't think you need to be concerned. His changes may not be anything to do with you. At least he is making life interesting and he can always change back.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 April 2012):
Everyone needs a haircut every now and then. I don't see why you think this has to mean so much then? People do experiment with their looks from time to time.
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (11 April 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAh, he doesn't say it like he has an ego, mostly it's just because he's confident about his looks, like how I say "My boobs are awesome!" because I'm confident with my tiny breasts now.
And i don't think he means it like his hair has a personality of its own, he's never once indicated that he thinks of his hair like that, it's more like, it seems like to me that he started out with short hair, when things were bad, but now that hair has grown out and away from his head, as things changed for the better. Not how he exactly feels, but that's what I get from it all.
And I will ask him about it, I just don't know how to bring it up without offending him....
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 April 2012):
I'm sorry, but he refers to his hair as part of his life-story? I think it'd do him good then to change his looks and perhaps get some new perspectives on life. He sounds like he is a bit hung up in his looks, doesn't it? If he keeps talking about how cool he looks and how awesome he is etc.? That sort of talk is very ego-centric. And his attachment to his hair as if his hair was another person (who has been with him through things that happened in his life) makes me wonder what sort of relationship he was with himself.
I think a change will definitely do him good, if for nothing else then for looking at himself in a different perspective. I think perhaps you've complimented him too much, and he compliments himself a lot too, so nothing wrong in that department. He needs a new challenge, to see if he can be a person separate from his "standard" looks. Because it does sound like he's grown too far into what he looks like currently, so much that his hair has taken on it's own personality...
Yes, time for a change! Encourage this change, and stay real with him (tell him what actually looks good and not).
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (11 April 2012):
 Hm. This is kind of a tough situation. Honestly, I doubt we can help you much with this right now because really, you're going to have to do the hard work and tell him your concerns. Talk to him, personally. We can't tell you what's going on in his mind, there could be a MILLION reasons why he's wanting to change his appearance, and we could spend all day guessing...but the best answer you'll get is from him.
Take some time to plan out an hour or two in a private place, nice and quiet and free from noise and distractions, and ask him about this makeover in a totally non-confrontational way. Be loving. Tell him that this is really surprising and you're concerned about this all-of-a-sudden change he wants.
The ONLY way you're going to get a 100% straight answer is if you talk to him. We can't tell you what's going on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): Probably has nothing to do with you so stop worrying and just let him be.
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