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1 of 2 guys could be the daddy

Tagged as: Pregnancy, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 March 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 4 April 2009)
A female age 30-35, *0R3N@ writes:

Ok im 15 years old im goin to be 16 in november. My boyfriend is 24 whom will be 25 in october. Come to find out im pregnant. The thing is, is that im not so sure who the father is...It can be one out of two people.... my boyfriend that i have been with for a year and 2 months OR some guy i slept with once and used protection with...i really dont know wat to do and im confused and dont know how to deal with the situation. its complicated but i need advie on what i should do? **oh and no one knows about this but me, my parents or family members dont know im pregnant**

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A female reader, bronwyn United States +, writes (4 April 2009):

Jeez, get the point of how illegal this is?? Seems everyone said essentially the same thing.

I was 16 and moved in with my 23 year old BF. 3 years later we got married, then 3 years after that I left him and never looked back. But he was good to me, so I'll not say a word about your age difference and risk being a hypocrite.

What matters here is what are you going to do now. I'll tell you exactly what I think you should do: first off, do not keep this baby. Give it up for adoption. Abortion could be a source of regret forever, but adoption .... you learn consequences and you bring joy to someone else.

Go to your parents and say "I need you. I am pregnant and I want to make a good decision, but that decision I have to make on my own and live with long after you are dead. Please help me do what I need to for me and for this life I have accidentally created."

Don't tell them who the father is/might be. Tell them you want to give it up for adoption, and need their help to find suitable adoptive parents and you do not wish to drag anybody else through it- it would just make it that much harder for you.

Find the right adoptive couple and they might pay for your prenatal care and childbirth. They may also allow your child to know your name when they're old enough so that they can find you. See what your school has available for pregnant chicks- lots have special facilities.

Not knowing who the father is should be the last of your concerns. Like one poster said, chances are your bf would bail if you came to him with the whole "you're going to be a Daddy" thing. If he's interested in messing with girls as young as you are, he's far too immature to be a father (probably has a hard time coping with his age).

Breaking up with him needs to be on your list of things to do today. Good luck!

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A male reader, 2old4this United States +, writes (26 March 2009):

2old4this agony auntYou should talk to your parents. You pretty much have to. As far as the daddy, its probably your boyfriends because you used protection with the other guy. But if you are still not sure then when the baby is born you must get a paternity test. As far as dealing with the situation, well it's kinda up to you and your parents now. Yea, they are probably gonna be furious at first. But after they settle down maybe they will be willing to hear you out.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009):

You are playing with FIRE. 15yrs, pregnant and 2 sex partners. Pliz stop what you're doing to yourself. At 15, I hadn't even been kissed.

Stop what you're doing. I feel sorry for your parents, I know they raised you better.

Oh the 24yr old, I doubt if he considers you his girlfriend. I think you are an underaged little girl he takes advantage of. A 15yr old girl has nothing in common with a 24yr old guy.

Tell your parents and both guys. It could be anyones baby and they deserve to know the truth.

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A female reader, jessica04 United States +, writes (26 March 2009):

jessica04 agony auntWell, here's the real crux of the matter; unless your parents are 100% ok with you dating a boy more than 8yrs older than you and having a sexual relationship with him, then he could be looking at jail time for statutory rape.

You are under the age of consent, and he is too old to be with you sexually. So when you have this baby (if that's the choice you make) and your parents press charges against him for rape, they can take a DNA sample and compare it to his. So in 9 months you could have your answer about the father.

Do you have an interest in keeping this child? You could still opt for an abortion, but that is a choice that you would have to make, not anyone else.

Has he ever expressed an interest in having a baby with you? My feeling is that once you tell him you are pregnant, as I am sure he is the father and not the guy you actually had protected sex with, then he will push for you to get an abortion just so he doesn't risk jail time for having sex with a minor.

Honestly, I have to question the motives behind a man who dates a young girl. I don't doubt that you have feelings for him, but he is a predator for even having a relationship with you while you are so young.

Tell him, see what his reaction is. Depending on where you live you may need parental support to have an abortion. If you decide on adoption or to keep the baby, then you will have to tell your parents. They are the best support you have.

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A female reader, SJ_ninety United States +, writes (26 March 2009):

SJ_ninety agony auntUm, first of all, what are you doing with a 24 year old boyfriend? He can get into some trouble if the authorities or even your parents find out about his age. That's statutory rape and it does not matter worth a damn if you try and convince everyone that you consented to sex with him. As far as I'm concerned, he's a prison-mate already. The even worst case scenario, which you are going through right now, is that he might have gotten you pregnant. I don't even want to know what any parent would do to a man if they found out he was 24 and he got their 15 year old daughter pregnant.

Otherwise, I would just go to a clinic and talk about your options there. You are underage, though, so nothing would be confidential and your parents will find out. Personally, I don't think you're the brightest crayon in the box, but I'm thinking you'll have to talk to both guys about this and see what happens. Who knows? Maybe your pedo-boyfriend has enough money to get you an abortion. Sounds harsh, but c'mon!

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A female reader, superrrshawna United States +, writes (26 March 2009):

superrrshawna agony auntFirst, you need to tell someone you're pregnant. Then, you need to tell both guys you are pregnant. I would think you would want to get a paternity test, but that would mean telling your boyfriend that you cheated on him...

BY THE WAY, YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THESE MEN IS SOOOO ILLEGAL!!!

I'm 20 and I wouldn't even date a 25 year old!! You could get those guys in some serious trouble for statutory rape.

You have some deep thinking and some HUGE coming outs to do.

Good luck... XX

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A male reader, Tewebag United States +, writes (26 March 2009):

your boyfriend could go to jail for having sex with you... dont know where you live but im pretty sure that a guy that old having sex with a 15 year old is pretty bad. anyways back to the advice. do you use proection with your boyfriend? how long ago was the other guy? if it was less than a week i would say there was a chance. if you used proection with guy 2 and not with guy 1 than guy 1 is probley the daddy. if your not using condoms with guy 1, ise them.

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