A
male
age
36-40,
*lyguy1784
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years and everything has been great but this last month. I was her first serious relationship and we had a great time, traveled the world together. With in the last year she moved about 4 hours away for work so we havent seen as much of each other. The last time I saw her she brought up the fact that she needs space I asked why. Her response was she hasn't ever been independent she feels like all her friends are my friends and she wants to go and figure her life out, she also said she loves me and feels like I am the one but she wants to make sure that it is true. She told me that she has no urge to date other people and if she did get that urge she would tell me right away but she said with this space she is going to realize how much I mean to her. So I went along with her space idea don't like the idea but that's what she wants. Here is where I am, lost before she left she started crying and couldn't stop hugging me for about twenty minutes. Her last line to me was I love you and I can't picture my life without you and I don't want that to change, she kissed me and drove away. I know I need to not contact her but this is eating away at me. Should I totally move on or should I keep a little hope that the love of my life will come back to me? Please help me figure out what she is doing here!
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I love you, move on, needs space Reply to this Question
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male
reader, papajoey +, writes (6 June 2008):
Hey its just a suggestion, But I think you need to drive those 4 hours and show up at her door and tell her that you love her unexpectedly. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (18 July 2007):
 I personally think she is being very selfish, the way that she is giving you hope telling you that she may be back.
She is expecting you to wait around for her while she goes out and has a great time dating other people and thats not fair on you.
I think you should try and move on with your life and not hold onto too much hope then if she does not come back at least you will already be half way there to getting over her.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, flyguy1784 +, writes (17 July 2007):
flyguy1784 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHere is an update it has been a little over two weeks of no contact with her she called me today she was at work and wanted to talk. So I told her I got some good news from my airline she was excited I asked how the job was going and so on she talked most of the time I just listened. We did start to talk about the relationship she said she has realized that she shouldn’t have put up with my shit in the past and needs to speak up next time. I told her that over the past few weeks I have realized that I can't do that to her again and that I really truly love her. Also I told her that I don't need her in my life to be happy but I desire her in my life I will be happy no matter what but I am making the decision to love her and be with her when she is ready for the rest of my life. She responded with a very happy "wow" which I took as a good sign that she is starting to see that I want to change and am changing. She also brought up the fact that she is going to want to date other people because she wants to verify that we are correct for each other. Keep in mind this girl took over 6 months to even come on a date with me and I was her first and only serious relationship she also comes from a broken home a home where her parents left each other after 30 years. One of the voicemails she left a week after our break said this "Hey thanks for that email it means so much to me to hear you finally say the way you really feel about me I always wanted to hear that from you I just didn't know that it would take this to get the feelings out of you. You know I love you I just don't love you in the way for us to be together and I think that I can love you like that again I just need my time. I need to know that you are who I think you are and the way I think I am going to realize that is by getting away right now. I love you and I just want to love you in the way that I did before for us to be together." So I get this feeling that she knows I am the right one she just wants to make sure that I am because she doesn't want to wind up like her parents. She wants to be able to come back to me and say hey I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are right for each other. I have dated way more then she has and that is why I know that this is the girls I want forever. I hope she figures out that what we had was great and there isn’t anything out there that can replace it. Any insight would be helpfully sorry just needed to write this out.
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A
male
reader, flyguy1784 +, writes (17 July 2007):
flyguy1784 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHere is an update it has been a little over two weeks of no contact with her she called me today she was at work and wanted to talk. So I told her I got some good news from my airline she was excited I asked how the job was going and so on she talked most of the time I just listened. We did start to talk about the relationship she said she has realized that she shouldn’t have put up with my shit in the past and needs to speak up next time. I told her that over the past few weeks I have realized that I can't do that to her again and that I really truly love her. Also I told her that I don't need her in my life to be happy but I desire her in my life I will be happy no matter what but I am making the decision to love her and be with her when she is ready for the rest of my life. She responded with a very happy "wow" which I took as a good sign that she is starting to see that I want to change and am changing. She also brought up the fact that she is going to want to date other people because she wants to verify that we are correct for each other. Keep in mind this girl took over 6 months to even come on a date with me and I was her first and only serious relationship she also comes from a broken home a home where her parents left each other after 30 years. One of the voicemails she left a week after our break said this "Hey thanks for that email it means so much to me to hear you finally say the way you really feel about me I always wanted to hear that from you I just didn't know that it would take this to get the feelings out of you. You know I love you I just don't love you in the way for us to be together and I think that I can love you like that again I just need my time. I need to know that you are who I think you are and the way I think I am going to realize that is by getting away right now. I love you and I just want to love you in the way that I did before for us to be together." So I get this feeling that she knows I am the right one she just wants to make sure that I am because she doesn't want to wind up like her parents. She wants to be able to come back to me and say hey I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are right for each other. I have dated way more then she has and that is why I know that this is the girls I want forever. I hope she figures out that what we had was great and there isn’t anything out there that can replace it. Any insight would be helpfully sorry just needed to write this out.
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A
male
reader, flyguy1784 +, writes (8 July 2007):
flyguy1784 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers I really feel like she is going to come back but she needs lots of time. All of her friends are my friends and she needs a group of her own so I am going to give her the space but still every now and then let her know how much she means to me. I did a few things wrong in this relationship and I hope that she gives me a second chance to really show her how much she means to me. I have this feeling that if she wanted to end it all she would tell me flat out who knows she may tell me tomorrow that she is over it but I want to say that I gave everything I could to her. I love her and miss her everyday she is gone but if this makes us a better couple in the long run this will be the greatest thing I have ever done.
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (7 July 2007):
 I think she's doing exactly what she's told you she's doing: she's having some space to make sure you're the love of her life. When people go out together from a young age and head straight into marriage, there's often a feeling at some point that they may have missed out on having some life of their own. Sometimes this can lead to marriages splitting up later on.
It sounds to me that you're girlfriend is being very sensible. She realises that she needs to have her own life aside from yours, that she needs to make her own friends too, that she needs to know she can be independent if necessary. In the longterm this will help your relationship be even better than it is, although I can imagine that it doesn't seem that way to you right now.
I'm certain that she's being totally honest with you and that she won't date other people without talking to you about it. You're going to have to trust her. In many ways this will be good for you too. Use this time to cement your friendships and concentrate on your own life and what you're doing with it. You also need to know that you can be independent if necessary. Go out with your friends. Focus on some of your interests or hobbies, or take up something new you've always wanted to do. If both of you are able to do this and then get back together you'll have a much healthier relationship because of it.
Has she given you any idea of how long she expects this to go on? I don't see any harm in you writing or emailing her and asking her to give you some kind of deadline when you might meet and review how things are going. Explain to her that you obviously can't wait indefinitely and suggest meeting in six months for a platonic dinner to discuss it. In the meantime put it to the back of your mind as best you can and try to enjoy yourself.
I know it's tough for you, but look at it this way: you don't want to end up in an unhappy longterm relationship. If she needs some time to herself now it's better than later on, when it might be even more hurtful. I do hope it all works out for you.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (7 July 2007):
I personally think that maybe you should move on, if she feels that she needs space and to figure her life out then why should you wait around on the off chance that she may come back to you.
If she loves you and she comes back and you have moved on the she will just have to deal with that as this has been her choice.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2007): Your girlgriend sounds like she wants out of the relationship. Its probably to do with the job. Its a sort of new begining and she pretty much feels confident about moving on without you.
Im sorry but my solution would be for you to give her an altimatum, either you are together or not. You deserve a closure and the truth.
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