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Should I tell him I want a relationship or should I just keep being friends with him?

Tagged as: Family, Friends, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 April 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 12 April 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Okay so I am really good friends with this guy, but he now lives two hours away. We have been friends for like four months and have hung out like five times. I met him at work but about a week after he had to move back home. Then he tried to move back but ended up going to jail to get off probation earlier. He wants to move back again but now he can't move in with his cousin like he wanted to. I know he wants to stay living where he is because that is where his kids live, but he wants to move here to work. I really want a relationship with this guy but don't know what to do. He had me meet his family and talks about things to do together in the summer, but hasn't called me this week and that is very unlike him.

I know that if he moved here he would want a relationship, but I don't know if he would want one if he lives in his hometown. I know that he tries not to get attached to me and after we hang out he usually doesn't want to hang out again right away. I think he is afriad of getting hurt again, because he was hurt by his ex-wife. It just keeps getting harder for me because the more I see him the more I want to be with him. I think I am starting to fall in love with him, and this is getting hard for me. I don't want to do anything to ruin our friendship, but I can't keep going on like this. Should I tell him I want a relationship or should I just keep being friends with him?

View related questions: at work, cousin, ex-wife, hasn't called, his ex

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A female reader, Plexi Canada +, writes (12 April 2009):

Plexi agony auntIt might be best to just be friends with him for a while longer until you get to know him a lot better and THEN decide if you really want a relationship with this guy. keep in mind that he has gone to jail and doesn't exactly sound like the most stable guy. do you really want drama and wories in you life? why not stay friends with him and in a year o so if you still think he is a nice guy and he treats you right then tell him how you feel and ask him for emotional security(a relationship)hope that helps hun:)good luck!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009):

I think you need to tell him how you feel. You cant go through life wondering 'what if'. At least if you tell him and he isnt in the same place as you are emotionally then you know and can start to rebuild and move on. And if he is in the same place as you well then...happiness all around right? It isnt everyday that you fall in love with someone, I think he deserves to know.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009):

I would honestly say (he has) so much going on between (being divorced recently - I assume (kids there); the want for job there, the "jail time," etc.

You really do not know him that well (if you only worked for one week) and hung out five times. I would honesty say offer him friendship and let it play out slowly and naturally for yourself. If he is "the right guy" for you he will eventually become more available to you (in all ways).

I think you just do what you have been doing being friends and if you have attraction for him show/display it but I would not push it or force it (for your protection as well) Good luck

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