A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been "going out" with this girl who I really really like for the past 2 months. We get along great, whenever we are together we have a really nice time.She texts me A LOT, but mostly random stuff.Thing is, aside from that, she doesn't display a lot of interest towards me:- When I asked to her to be my girlfriend she eluded the question or said that she wanted to keep things casual- most of the time she puts her studies first, which is great, but we end up meeting once a week at best (on weekends)- she rearly ever tells me that she misses me or that she cares about me. She has said it, but very sporadically.My question is, can anyone tell me what's going on here?I've been straight forward with her from the get go and I displayed genuine interest. Whenever I try to talk to her about "us" I mostly get elusive answers, and I cannot figure out what is going through her mind. I know for a fact that there is no other guy in her life right now, but that's about it.Does she really care that much about studying that she can't set me apart a few hours of the week?Is she testing me to see if I'm clingy or whatever?Is she keeping me like a "safe option" for whenever she feels frustrated or lonely?I'm at a loss here. Maybe I'm being a selfish prick for wanting her to display a bit more, but I don't think so.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 June 2013):
 cindy is spot on as usual.
she likes you
she just does not like you as much as you would want her to.
FWB does not mean meet at a designated time and place, have sex and leave. FWB can talk and see a movie and have dinner and text and be FRIENDS first and have BENEFITS second....
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 June 2013):
 Unfortunately for you, I agree 100% with Cindy. She likes you for now, but she isn't INTO you.
Sorry.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (16 June 2013):
 Cindy gives excellent advice. I would listen to it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 June 2013):
 Well, she does not sound so elusive to me, who am not emotionally involved. You see her as elusive because you want to hang on to hopes and want to think that she loves you but there is some mysterious psychological conflict and what not, but I'd say she has been pretty clear , as clear as she could be without actually being brutal.
She does not want to be your girlfriend, and she wants to " keep it casual ". She is not taking on the " obligations " of a girlfriend , so she does not feel obliged to give you more time , attention and affection than what suits HER and her needs.
You may have been confused by the " mixed signals ", but there are no really mixed signals. The only " correct " answer to : do you want to be my gf ? is an entusiasthic, resounding Yesss!
You are correct, she probably might steel a couple of hours to her studies if she wanted , and if she thought it's worth it, unluckily she does not. As disappointing as this is , it should not come as a total surprise, since she never said she wants to be your gf or she is in love with you or anything like that.
So why does she keep texting you ? Well, there's not just absolute love and absolute hatred, there's a lot in between. She may not see you as bf material, but she must like something about you, your conversation, or sense of humour, good personality etc. Texting is not such an exhausting intellectual endeavour and texting back and forth a nice, caring friend like you...is a pleasant way to kill time.
Not to be mean, but I also think that what she likes in you
is .. the fact that YOU like her. You provide her male attention and admiration and appreciation, and she does not have to give time and effort to get them, as probably she should if she were in a real relationship.
That's what she can give and from her point of view it makes perfect sense, it's not like she lied to you or strung you along, she said " let's keep it casual ". If you can be fine with that ( which, at your age,would not even be such a terrible idea ), cool. If you need more , want more ... well, tell her- talk to her, rather than just guessing. Tell her what YOU would like to happen and how you would like things to be. But, honestly, don't be shocked or upset or crushed if it turns out you are not on the same page at all.
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