| Latest articles: Why we cannot hold out for the real thing
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25 August 2009: In a recent article on this site, MonicaC advises young people to "hold out for the real thing". She tells us that she was focused very much on sex when she was younger and that she had both good and bad experiences. Now that she is older, her needs ...
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I cant cum when we have sex!
Q. My boyfriend of new says that he loves everything about me but I can not come with sex. He is use to getting off quick then going a second time for even longer. With me he has no urge to continue a second time. He also says its not that I am not ...
A. 25 August 2009: If I understand you correctly, the reason you do not have an orgasm is that your boyfriend has his long before you are close to yours. He claims that he is "used to going longer a second time", but that with you he has "no desire" to do so. It ... (read in full...)
How can I overcome my destructive insecurities?
Q. Hi, Basically I need some advice regarding my current relationship, or more precisely how I can change my behaviour/outlook so that I dont ruin it. Ive been seeing my current man, Sam since January. At first it was very casual, meeting up once...
A. 24 August 2009: While you wait for your job to start, find something to do during the day. If you stay at home brooding over your insecurities all day, you will ruin this great relationship that seems to be developing. Perhaps you can volunteer your time to some ... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing by leaving? And should I leave him alone now and see what happens?
Q. Hi, about three months ago i met a guy in work. He said he came into my shop just to see me coz he thought i was beautiful. I'd been through depression and anxiety after a break up and wasnt sure at first. He worked in the shop and we got closer and ...
A. 24 August 2009: You both sound like good people who happen to be under a lot of pressure at the moment -- you are struggling with your depression and your feelings of inadequacy and he is trying to deal with his spiteful ex-girlfriend and to come to terms with the ... (read in full...)
Am I a repressed homosexual?
Q. Am I gay? For as long as I can remember (I'm 30) I've fantasized about men. Everyday I end up fantasizing about having sex with men or men having sex with each ohter. I watch homosexual porn, shemale and bi stuff and I always get an errection. I ...
A. 24 August 2009: It seems to be there are two possibilities: Either you are dominantly heterosexual and the homosexual pornography and fantasies arouse you precisely because they are outside of your actual sexual orientation, OR you really are bisexual.
You a... (read in full...)
Should I take her back if she picks me?
Q. My girlfriend and I were having trouble at the end of summer and so she started distancing herself and hanging out more with her friends. At the end, she said she wasn't sure if she was in love with me, and I told her after two years together, I ...
A. 24 August 2009: My impression is that she is confused at the moment and doesn't really know what she wants. As long as you keep taking the initiative and pressuring her, she will not be able to find out what she wants and you will never know how she really feels. ... (read in full...)
Should I talk to him about bringing up our baby with me, or just settle it legally by getting him to give me child support?
Q. I have not seen my ex since I found out I was pregnant with his chid. Part of this is due to the fact that he's been out of town due to work. He's due to come back 9/12. I've spoken to him over the phone only to be insulted and told I need to abort ...
A. 23 August 2009: First of all, you are right that abortion is no longer an option, and it would have been your decision, and your decision alone, anyway.
Now the child will be born, and the best option would be to bring him/her up together. Unless your ex is young... (read in full...)
How can I convince my parents that the person I'm dating is a good guy?
Q. Some of you may remember my first question, about which guy I should choose, and I chose the guy that my parents don't like. We have been secretly dating, but then my parents came home while he was here, and they were furious. How can I convince ...
A. 23 August 2009: You are age 36-40 and you worry about what your parents think about your boyfriend?... (read in full...)
Who do I do this to myself?
Q. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice here or if I just wanted to type this out. Hopefully that makes sense, but to me sometimes typing something out for others to see can be as therapeutic as actually telling someone what's on your mind. The ...
A. 23 August 2009: J.T., it sounds to me as though you are seriously confused and will not be able to work through this by yourself, so you should seek counseling, alone or with your wife. I know that this is often embarassing to us guys, but it is nothing to be ... (read in full...)
I've been cheating on him for years but don't know why
Q. im a 22 yr old married woman, iv been maried since 20 and been with him since 18. but all along iv been cheating on him. i dont know why. hes such a good man, and a wonderful father to our little boy. im in the service and hes not, so were seperated ...
A. 23 August 2009: You begin by saying you don't know why you've been cheating on your husband, but in the end you do know: you want your freedom and the only reason you stay with your husband right now is because you are scared of being alone.
This situatio... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend and wouldn't cheat, so why was I tempted?!
Q. I love my boyfriend very much, and have never had the need or want to look elsewhere. I'm very monogamous and could never cheat on anyone, nor have I ever done so. He's had to go away for a few weeks, and I've really missed him. I went out last ni...
A. 23 August 2009: I think your friends were right. Even though you are in a relationship, even a happy, fulfilled one, your body will still react physically to particular situations once in a while. This doesn't mean that you don't love your boyfriend enough, it just ... (read in full...)
I need help in seeing the right from wrong in my first love
Q. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for 17 months. However, he treats me like a door step. He pushes me, he yells so close to my face that I can feel his spit, and he tells me that he is the best guy that I will ever find. I know I sound stupid, ...
A. 23 August 2009: It must have been hard to lose your father, so your fear of rejection and loss is perfectly understandable. However, it sounds like you are in an abusive relationship, so that in this case, losing your boyfriend would be the best thing that could ... (read in full...)
Married but sexually incompatible
Q. I am a 32 yr old woman married to a 38 yr old man. We have been married for almost a year and everything else about our marriage is good except that we are completely sexually incompatible. When we were dating he was very slow moving in the sexual ...
A. 23 August 2009: I think Libra1963 has it exactly right, your husband sounds inexperienced, insecure and/or sexually repressed.
I want to add that if he is uncomfortable TALKING about sex, try SHOWING him what you want (but be gentle!).
You may find that he can... (read in full...)
Is he interested at all or just playing games?
Q. I kissed this guy a year and a half ago but the following night he said that he was drunk that night. I met him a few times since but nothing ever happened and we just talked. I bumped into him in a bar last weekend and he apologised for what ...
A. 23 August 2009: It seems that when he asked you to meet him for lunch, he was up front about the fact that he might actually be too busy to keep the appointment. So I don't think you should read too much into the fact that it then turned out that he actually was ... (read in full...)
Am I losing out on who might be the only one for me or will I meet someone like her?
Q. Hi, im having quite a bit of love life trouble. 4 months ago i split up with my girlfriend (who we'll call EMMA) of 2 and a half years. she was my first love and we loved each other very much. the main trouble in the relationship was that she has a ...
A. 23 August 2009: Your wonder woman clearly exists and you know it is Emma. Your problem is not with her but with her small son. You are still young, so it is perfectly understandable that it is difficult to accept a child into your life, especially if you have ... (read in full...)
Please help me... We love each other but cant be together, I'm having a breakdown.
Q. I have been in a relationship for the last 3 months. We love each other so much it sometimes scares me. She makes me happier than I have ever been in my life. About a month and a half ago we were having some drinks, then a fight started, she pus...
A. 23 August 2009: What you do is you tell this woman to find professional help. She needs to learn to stay away from alcohol for good and my guess is that she has a number of other issues to work through with a therapist. If you two really love each other, your love ... (read in full...)
Do I move away and follow my heart?
Q. My wife and I got separated in December and we have been apart for 8 months now. We have 3 woderful kids aged 10-16 who we are both unbelievably close with. The kids have handled the separation and impending divorce well. Our relationships have ...
A. 23 August 2009: This is a difficult situation with no easy solution, but you're making it even more difficult by mixing up two separate issues: First, the fact that there is a woman in your life that your children do not know about, and second, the question of ... (read in full...)
Which one do I choose? My boyfriend or my soulmate?
Q. I recently broke off a 5 year relationship with a guy. But it wasn't just an ordinary break up. During the latter part of the relationship, I kept ignoring thoughts that I was not in love with my boyfriend as much as I was when we were starting ou...
A. 23 August 2009: I understand that you do not want to hurt your ex-boyfriend, but by choosing him when you don't love him anymore, you will hurt him much more in the long run. Tell your ex-boyfriend that he did not deserve to be cheated on and that you are truly ... (read in full...)
Husband trying to turn back time..acting like a teenager!
Q. I'm 42, and my husband's 38. Has he recently hit a midlife crisis or something - he's started going to clubs with teenage kids 18 - 21, going to the gym, eating out every night, and smoking and gambling a lot, and even dresses like a 20something ...
A. 23 August 2009: Yes, it sounds as though your husband has indeed hit a major midlife crisis. It is, of course, not too unusual at his age, to realize that one is getting old and to try to put off the inevitable by acting younger than one really is. However, his ... (read in full...)
What to do when medical condition makes sex impossible?
Q. I am a healthy man in my mid-thirties and in a relationship with a wonderful woman for many years (not married). Years back she developed a health condition that got worse and worse, which is unfortunately not well understood and doctors don't kn...
A. 23 August 2009: This calls for an open and honest discussion between the two of you. Tell her what you told us -- you love her and you want to be with her, but you do not feel you can give up intercourse for the rest of your life. Clearly, there will be no easy ... (read in full...)
I want to have sex but don't want to get pregnant
Q. well im in love with my boyfriend verry much and he lives in texas he is comming down to see me next summer and we planed on making love but im afraid i have done it b4 but now i can get pregnant and i realy want to with him but i dont know what to ...
A. 23 August 2009: Condoms are the obvious answer, and they have the additional advantage that they will protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. Once you are in a firmly committed, exclusive relationship, you might consider going on the pill, but this is ... (read in full...)
I could not climax this weekend.. what is wrong?
Q. OK, well the basic idea is that I can't cum during a blowjob or handjob from my girlfriend recently. This weekend I haven't been able to do it. I did it once when my girlfriend gave me a handjob, she gave me my first blowjob(s) this weekend plus ...
A. 23 August 2009: You don't say anything about whether this is your first sexual partner, but I am guessing she is. My advice would be not to worry about this too much -- sex happens mostly in the head, so it is best to relax and take your time discovering your ... (read in full...)
Should I just leave her alone or at least try to be friends?
Q. hey, i'm in a situation right now that i'm sure has happened to many people before, but i am completely lost and i'd just like some good, honest advice. i had a girlfriend a while back and at the time we broke up, we'd been dating for close...
A. 23 August 2009: Clearly you have not gotten over this relationship and the subsequent breakup yet. The question is: do you really still love this woman, or do you love the person she used to be? My guess is that it's the latter -- you are both at an age where ... (read in full...)
Wife left to visit parents across the country and won't return! How to convince her to come back until we can both move away?
Q. Hi, sorry for the long message, question is actually quite short, but needs the background to properly understand: I need advice / help on how to keep my marriage from falling apart. Some background info: my wife and I have been married for 6 ...
A. 23 August 2009: The real question is a different one: Why would you want her to come back to you? Sure, it is understandable that she misses her family, but she is your wife and her place should be with you, especially as you seem to be a loving and devoted husband ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin, he wants to make love but I'm so scared!
Q. Well, I am really akward when it comes to boys, but there is this particular one who is sooo sweet, and he is just beutiful inside and out, but one day when we were alone, he began to touch me, it felt so good, but as he began to try and unbutton my ...
A. 23 August 2009: Unfortunately you leave out a crucial piece of information: are the two of you in a serious relationship, and if so, for how long? If you are NOT in a serious relationship, then don't take this any further. Keep looking for someone who is not just ... (read in full...)
My ex keeps going back and forth between me and his new girlfriend. Should I tell him to get lost and let his girlfriend know he's cheating with me?
Q. ex spends time with me spends 3 to 4 nights a week at my place then he calls and come over we still go places together but then he dissapears and goes to his new girlfriend and wont answer his phone i think he is playing with my heart he dont ...
A. 23 August 2009: As you suggest, your ex may be keeping you hanging on as a fall-back plan in case his new relationship fails, or he may want to enjoy both the familiarity of being with you and the excitement of being with someone new. Either way, his behavior is no ... (read in full...)
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