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My ex keeps going back and forth between me and his new girlfriend. Should I tell him to get lost and let his girlfriend know he's cheating with me?

Tagged as: Cheating, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 August 2009) 9 Answers - (Newest, 11 September 2009)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

ex spends time with me spends 3 to 4 nights a week at my place then he calls and come over we still go places together but then he dissapears and goes to his new girlfriend and wont answer his phone i think he is playing with my heart he dont really want me just want to keep me hanging in case things dont work out with new girlfreind should i tell him to go on about his life he was the one cheating then started coming home to me then going home to her is he playing with both of us

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009):

I have done the same thing for some time, which gave me the option to really make my mind up. When I did, all worked out fine. So think: is this the man I love? If the answer is yes stop nagging and support him!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009):

I am going through the exact same thing rite now. Im getting out of it. it especially hurts because i love this man, but he is using me plain and simple. u deserve more than this. move on with your life. if u are always offering, why would he not take? dont do it. end it NOW. if he really just wanted U,he would be with U!!XX

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009):

What I don't understand is how men can be so sleazy. I'm going through the exact same situation. It's hard to accept the reality that all he really cares about is himself when you want to believe in the lies. The thing is that wanting to believe that he will eventually leave her for you is just on your agenda. Any person that is capable of lying, cheating, and deceiving man or woman needs to get their s**t together. I suggest if you keep messing around with this guy don't devote your heart and soul, slowly begin to separate yourself emotionally from the person, date other people and sooner than later you will find it easy for you to let them go. Let the other girl keep loving a lie and if you miss him just think of her and how happily ignorant she is to be with your ex. Everyone on this earth deserve to be treated right so treat yourself right and the next man in your life will follow your lead.

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A female reader, linz09 United Kingdom +, writes (23 August 2009):

linz09 agony auntBIN HIM who does he think he is going from you to her and visa versa...stop letting him use you like this,your going to loose your self confidence and self respect letting this man treat you so shabbily...so say goodbye to him and hello to a man who will treat you with respect,love, honesty and caring...mmmmm...no contest really..linz :)

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A female reader, jessjess United Kingdom +, writes (23 August 2009):

jessjess agony auntSimple answer to the title question. YES.

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A male reader, Perspicacious United Kingdom +, writes (23 August 2009):

Your ex clearly wants to have his cake and eat it, and at the moment you are baking it, icing it and serving it with cream and coffee!

Should you tell him to get lost? Absolutely! He might be playing with your emotions, but he obviously doesn't feel anything for you.

Should you tell his new girlfriend? Well, that's a harder decision. Anything you say will probably just come across as "the jealous ex causing trouble"

I'd suggest kicking him out of your life completely, and don't get involved with what he is doing now and with whom.

Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009):

Obviously if this is an issue for you, you know the right thing to do is to tell him to hit the road.

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A male reader, Sphronas United States +, writes (23 August 2009):

Sphronas agony auntAs you suggest, your ex may be keeping you hanging on as a fall-back plan in case his new relationship fails, or he may want to enjoy both the familiarity of being with you and the excitement of being with someone new. Either way, his behavior is no basis for a relationship.

I am assuming you still love him, as otherwise you would have stopped seeing him. If this is the case, then you must offer him a clear choice between you and the other woman. If he chooses you, then he must stop seeing the other woman, you must forgive him his infidelity and the two of you must work on rebuilding your relationship. If he chooses the other woman or if he is unable to choose, then you must stop seeing him. It will be painful at first, but after a while you will be ready for a new relationship and you will find a man who treats you with the love and respect you deserve.

Oh, and as for telling the other woman about your continued involvement: don't do it. It will achieve nothing for you. This is strictly between you and your ex.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009):

Words very nearly fail me here.

How long are you going to let him continue to use you for sex? Are you cooking him a meal every time he comes over - and is he giving you some sex as a way of thanking you for feeding him?

If he's spending 3 or 4 nights a week with you he's spending the same amount of time with her - or some other woman perhaps - and what I can't understand is why you even allow him through your door!

He's got the best of both worlds hasn't he? What have you got though? You need to get some self-respect back and kick his sorry ass to the kerb.

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