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*osycheeks

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Coping with a mum with BPD and its consequences

Q.   Hi hi, I posted last year about being anxious about how to handle my upcoming wedding, ( i have a mother with undiagnosed BPD) whether to elope or have the party. I had lots of helpful advice on here :) We decided for a wedding party over...

A.   7 April 2018: Thank you WiseOwl, very insightful and very moving words. really helps, my partner says somewhat similar advice, but I feel its bias towards making me feel better! but hearing it from someone else, just concretes I'm doing the right thing I guess, ... (read in full...)

I can't wait to get married - but family issues putting a dampener on it.

Q.   Hi, I'm looking for some advice. My fiancé and I are engaged and are soon to start planning our wedding. I have an extremely difficult mother, and because of that she has pretty much damaged all family ties I have with aunts/uncles/cousins. ...

A.   11 October 2017: Thanks - yes you are right, that makes sense, whether eloping or planning a day. Weddings do cause drama's, but i suppose only if you let it. My family tends to have high expectations(never understood why), but also very judgemental and selfish.... (read in full...)

I can't wait to get married - but family issues putting a dampener on it.

Q.   Hi, I'm looking for some advice. My fiancé and I are engaged and are soon to start planning our wedding. I have an extremely difficult mother, and because of that she has pretty much damaged all family ties I have with aunts/uncles/cousins. ...

A.   10 October 2017: Thankyou :-) your words help me to focus on the positives and stop worrying about what people think. I was in a situation the other month, where we were at my partners mums house, and some guests came over fresh from their own sons wedding, and ... (read in full...)

I am married with a child but still think back to my one true love.

Q.   Dear Cupid I lead an untraditional life, I am an Arabic female in my late 20`s, I am not a rich Arab, in fact I am from a poor/ developed country, my family/society are fanatics religious and everything is judged based in a certain mentalit...

A.   4 June 2015: Your soul mate may have even moved on? He may have changed? He might be married and in love and would never leave this woman? He might be gay? He might have a child, and be a dad, who is bashing his daughter because she has the 'wrong friends' ? ... (read in full...)

My mother is an undiagnosed psychopath and I don't know how to handle it.

Q.   Hi, I didn't speak with my mother for about 1-2 years after a huge fall out, and she broke the silence with a text, and so I made a call to her, we met at a coffee shop, which was really hard, and then I met her again some months later and then m...

A.   4 June 2015: Thank you so much :-) Reading your email from the lady with the sister troubles. It makes my eyes instantly water. I think I needed to hear that its the right thing, and although exactly like you say, it does tug on you in future, and will... (read in full...)

My mother is an undiagnosed psychopath and I don't know how to handle it.

Q.   Hi, I didn't speak with my mother for about 1-2 years after a huge fall out, and she broke the silence with a text, and so I made a call to her, we met at a coffee shop, which was really hard, and then I met her again some months later and then m...

A.   3 June 2015: Hi, Thanks so much for your responses, it really means a lot and extremely helpful. The womans aid, I wish I'd known a lot sooner about when I was actually living/dealing with her intimidating ways. I learned to shut off when it got bad. And tur... (read in full...)

How do I get past this traumatic abusive depressing relationship with my ex?

Q.   I finally broke up with my boyfriend of two years. I started dating him during a very traumatic time of my life and I was looking to be saved and he was a charmer. Soon into our relationship I noticed very possessive jealous behaviour. He was not ...

A.   5 February 2013: Go on a holiday! away from it all, refresh yourself, decide what you enjoy doing, and starting picking the pieces back up. Once people see you coming back strong and you get your old self back, they will forgive you and will be glad to have their ... (read in full...)

My friend cut me out of his life because he got a new girlfriend. Will he ever let me back in?

Q.   A friends cut me out of his life since hes had this new gf, it probably was partially my fault but this has never happened before. Despite being friends for so long he was also the love of my life. We always just stayed friends although it was ...

A.   6 November 2012: If he is making a mistake, he has to learn them for himself. No matter how much you preach to him about what is right for him, he will do what he wants anyway. If you are a 'good' friend, then let him go and figure it out for himself, and be there ... (read in full...)

Should I be scared about talking to random guys in a bar? Recent events have scared me

Q.   Hi, I was in a very strange situation tonight. I was just out for some leaving dinner and drinks for a friend who is emigrating.. There was a few of us, we went to a bar after dinner, i got talking 'having banter' with a guy at the bar, and late...

A.   9 September 2012: Thanks, for all your input. I had asked the guy if he knew the other one, he said no, he asked me the same thing. I think its a good tip to not talk too much about where you live and jobs, sometimes I do that. You just don't know who you can meet! I ... (read in full...)

Lack of communication caused me to break up with boyfriend. Did I do the right thing?

Q.   Hey, I've been having issues with my boyfriend for a while, and eventually they became overwhelming. There suddenly was too many to fire fight. It was to do with my bf not really finding it easy to communicate. He slowly got better, but when m...

A.   1 August 2012: Thanks for your kind words. When I said to him I loved him, to me it meant we are going to grow old and have a lot of adventures along the way. I don't get into an exit relationships very quickly. And I really thought I'd get it right this time.... (read in full...)

Should I really have to train my 27 year old boyfriend how to communicate?

Q.   Hey, I'm not sure what to do or think. I have dated my boyfriend for a year. and he struggles with communication. I've tried to be very patient and let him be, and let him talk more when he is ready. However a lot of issues starting coming ab...

A.   17 July 2012: This is my problem sageoldguy. I say to him, its not just the times your with me that counts (as he keeps reminding me that we spend lots of time together - about 3 nights per week) I said its also the time we spend apart. I wouldnt care how many ... (read in full...)

Should I really have to train my 27 year old boyfriend how to communicate?

Q.   Hey, I'm not sure what to do or think. I have dated my boyfriend for a year. and he struggles with communication. I've tried to be very patient and let him be, and let him talk more when he is ready. However a lot of issues starting coming ab...

A.   16 July 2012: In the whole year I can count on one hand when I have been out with him. We never come back together at the end of the night. I'm lucky if I hear from him. But I always send him a text at the end of the night and invite him when its out dancing etc ... (read in full...)

He shouts in his sleep, should I tell him what I hear?

Q.   Hi there, My boyfriend often has angry dreams at night. Her figits which I why I wake up, then he breathes deeper and faster and then starts shouting and swearing. sometimes its at his dad (his parents are divorced a long time ago) and sometim...

A.   27 June 2012: Thanks guys, it's reassuring that a number of you have the similar opinion! I guess because he is so calm in person, he doesn't like me to see an aggressive side to him. Which I feel I don't want to upset him with. And I wasn't sure if it is ... (read in full...)

I get this feeling that I'm missing something big in my life!

Q.   I have this overwhelming feeling, sometimes it fades and sometimes it comes back strong, but I can't ever put my finger on what it is. It's a feeling of something big is missing in my life. I'm always feeling restless, I always want more, I go ...

A.   23 March 2012: Thanks, yes I have often been told I'm burning the candle at both ends... and funnily enough one of the main reasons I like my boyfriend is because he shows me how to chill out. Rather than be competitive and active and spur me on. I just don... (read in full...)

Time for friends.....

Q.   Hi, I'm wondering how you strike a good balance of sharing space and friends with your partner. I've been with my boyfriend about 9 months. I don't really mind inviting him out when its a group of people, and its an easy get together. I feel...

A.   20 March 2012: Thanks k_c100 - I guess i'm looking for reassurance. and im glad you answered what you did. it was reassurance. Hence I spoke out loud on here before I let my thoughts spiral and say something stupid to him. I accept I might be a bit of a je... (read in full...)

Troubled relationship with my mom is really getting to me

Q.   Hi there, I'm finding my mother really difficult to deal with. I just don't know what I can do for her anymore. She has no friends, no partner, she's 50% of the time very bitter towards everyone. Everyone is wrong and she is right. Shes alwa...

A.   28 February 2012: Thanks for all your responses. I think I do need to keep the distance more consistent. And stick to it. It does maintain a somewhat tolerable relationship. Sometimes she calls for help on stuff or just to chat, and I want to help/chat, but it e... (read in full...)

Will asking about his past open a can of worms?

Q.   Hi there, I've been in a relationship for 6+ months, and all is going well. We are happy. We never talk about past relationships, we are both quite guarded people and are slowly opening up more over time. He has a lot of female friends. Which h...

A.   23 February 2012: Point taken, and its right its double standards. - I think this it is a case of Mandy hitting it on the head. As I grow to like him, I'm just questioning reasons to keep my guard up. Not so much as dictating to him. If I don't like it I have ... (read in full...)

He claims they are just friends but he has told me she is prettier than me, should he stop seeing her and stop texting her?

Q.   Dear all, I am in a serious relationship for a year now. 3 years ago in 2009 I broke up with my ex and was very depressed. During that time I even had to see a councillor. And he advised me on what I should have in mind for my next bf. that year, I ...

A.   23 February 2012: I think there shouldn't be a problem with your request for him to stop meeting her alone, he could meet with her in a group of friends if it makes you feel that bad. But you also need to work on your own self esteem and confidence. Its not attr... (read in full...)

Will asking about his past open a can of worms?

Q.   Hi there, I've been in a relationship for 6+ months, and all is going well. We are happy. We never talk about past relationships, we are both quite guarded people and are slowly opening up more over time. He has a lot of female friends. Which h...

A.   21 February 2012: I guess because my male friends all have girlfriends mostly, and some even live with their girlfriends, I see them once a month if we are lucky to make time. his female friends are mostly single and they meet up very regularly. That's the ... (read in full...)

Will asking about his past open a can of worms?

Q.   Hi there, I've been in a relationship for 6+ months, and all is going well. We are happy. We never talk about past relationships, we are both quite guarded people and are slowly opening up more over time. He has a lot of female friends. Which h...

A.   21 February 2012: Great answers, thankyou both for the advice! ... (read in full...)

Why is he in touch and how do I handle this situation?

Q.   Hi, so my first proper boyfriend from 8 years ago, we dated about 1.5 years back then. We bumped into each other about 5 years ago or something, said hey yadi ya as you do. But every so randomly he sends hello's on facebook. We're not f...

A.   2 December 2011: wow do you really think so? I've got no feelings like that towards him, but did always find him interesting and fun to be around. And he still has that conversation about him. It's been a long time and we are both much more mature now. But I... (read in full...)

We are dating and I want to know, where we stand...how can I ask him? Help!

Q.   I've been going on regular dates with a guy for about 3 months, we know each other through friends for over a year. We are at like 10 dates or so by now. Usually on a weekly basis. He puts lots of thought into them, and almost always insists on ...

A.   13 September 2011: Thanks guys.. :) I invited him over for a relaxed night, where I can cook for him. He bit my arm off at the invite. I guess that'll be a good setting to have a somewhat chat about where things are heading :) The more I like someone the harder it ... (read in full...)

We are dating and I want to know, where we stand...how can I ask him? Help!

Q.   I've been going on regular dates with a guy for about 3 months, we know each other through friends for over a year. We are at like 10 dates or so by now. Usually on a weekly basis. He puts lots of thought into them, and almost always insists on ...

A.   13 September 2011: well its just it always been easier in past things. The guy usually has said something by now. I'm sure hes not messing around, but at the same time, I don't want to keep going on dates if its not going anywhere. I'm worried about asking him now,... (read in full...)

I don't know if what I want in a man even exists?

Q.   I dont know if what I want in a guy exists? I meet lots of guys, and they are interested, but I always find myself wanting to combine them. Cant seem to get all the qualities in one person. At the moment, I have guy 1 and guy 2, guy 1 i...

A.   8 August 2011: I had a good talk with myself over the last few days, had a bit of a soul search session.. And it's reassuring to hear that not always everything is perfect. And yes, I am not perfect either in the eyes of the guy :) Guy 1 is amazing, and if I have ... (read in full...)

I want a life, what do I have to do

Q.   Hello everyone, I need an advice for my current situation. I am pretty much stuck in it. I want to start a new life but I don't really know how. I have been imagining a picture of me having free-will. I am soon to be 24 years old soon, an only...

A.   5 August 2011: Wow - what a situation. Well, I'd suggest you finish your education, it means a lot to you and will set you in good stead. But you have to start laying the law. Your parents were once your age too. You have to do what you want to do in li... (read in full...)

I want a relationship but it just seems like the bad outweighs the good!

Q.   I am a single, in my mid forties, and for the most part, enjoy this- not that i take advantage of it necessarily, by playing the field etc, i just enjoy the freedom of not having to answer to anyone and having to deal with all the 'c**p' that ...

A.   5 August 2011: I was reading your post there.. thinking I think exactly the same, I'm never bothered about relationships. Everytime I get into one it's because I'm persued so hard, I give in. Until you got to the 20 years part. How can you know what c*ap com... (read in full...)

Is it unreasonable to ask what he wants?

Q.   Hi, I met a guy a couple of months ago .. we met at a bar, he works/lives down the road from where I live. Gave me his number and asked me to get in contact. It was brief. So a few days later I did. We spent 3 to 4 weeks of sending a handfu...

A.   15 July 2011: Thanks Odds! Its great to get a male perspective. It was just the naked photo... that got me thinking he's feeding me lines I guess. Otherwise I find him very interesting and attractive. Just don't want to waste time wondering. If I kno... (read in full...)

Is it unreasonable to ask what he wants?

Q.   Hi, I met a guy a couple of months ago .. we met at a bar, he works/lives down the road from where I live. Gave me his number and asked me to get in contact. It was brief. So a few days later I did. We spent 3 to 4 weeks of sending a handfu...

A.   13 July 2011: They are really good responses. Thanks a lot. Its good to hear 3 different point of views, and you are all pretty much agreeing. I'm going to cool it down. Perhaps even ask him what he is after. In discussion he promises to be a complete gentl... (read in full...)

Do emotionally unavailable men... aware they have this problem?

Q.   Do emotionally unavailable men, guys who are scared to committing in exclusive relationships, the type that always like to keep their options open.. do they know they have this problem in themselves? They know how to woo a girl, and treat them n...

A.   24 September 2010: I came across the word anxiety today.. and it reminded me of this guy I am talking about.. he got depressed often, and was always fearful of doing anything out of the ordinary, flying etc, Never slept properly, and used to talk about not being able ... (read in full...)

Do emotionally unavailable men... aware they have this problem?

Q.   Do emotionally unavailable men, guys who are scared to committing in exclusive relationships, the type that always like to keep their options open.. do they know they have this problem in themselves? They know how to woo a girl, and treat them n...

A.   24 September 2010: Interesting point miss female reader, so when did you realise it was an internal problem? and how did you finally confront it? Did any of the guys ever tell you they thought you had a problem? would you deny it? Just find this stuff interesting.. as ... (read in full...)

Are we friends or something more?

Q.   So my friend I reconnected after so many years, we went out in high school for like a month, purely innocent. So now, we have gone out to the movies and dinner twice he has treated and he is such a gentleman. But, we text like 24/7 and tells me that ...

A.   22 September 2010: Definately, give him space, if he is interested, he will persue you. At the moment, he knows you will be there whenever he texts. You need give him the picture that he may miss out, and he will discover if he does really like you or not. He do... (read in full...)

I have no respect for myself after cheating on my beautiful wife... help!

Q.   hi everyone, i am 23 years old nd really don't know from where to start. I love my wife more than myself i'd give her my sight, i tried my best make all her dreams come true, everything she has dreamt of except one thing, a faithful husband! ...

A.   13 September 2010: I really think you should speak with your wife about what happened. She deserves to know the truth. And if you are really genuinely regretting it, she may forgive you. If you continue to keep it a secret, it will continue to eat you up inside, and ... (read in full...)

I have no respect for myself after cheating on my beautiful wife... help!

Q.   hi everyone, i am 23 years old nd really don't know from where to start. I love my wife more than myself i'd give her my sight, i tried my best make all her dreams come true, everything she has dreamt of except one thing, a faithful husband! ...

A.   13 September 2010: I really think you should speak with your wife about what happened. She deserves to know the truth. And if you are really genuinely regretting it, she may forgive you. If you continue to keep it a secret, it will continue to eat you up inside, and ... (read in full...)

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