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Is he pushing too soon to have a relationship with me?

Tagged as: Online dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 May 2014) 14 Answers - (Newest, 22 May 2014)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid Member

I have a question? Do you think a guy is pushing a relationship with you too soon if after exchanging emails and just talking once on the Phone he already told me that He wants to be my Boyfriend? I met him online in one of those dating sites. And I am from USA while he's in Canada. I also noticed that two of his ex-girlfriend are from USA. Although he never admits, He gave me the impression that he prefers women from USA because it seems like he's interested in moving over here(USA). Now I know there's nothing wrong with people marrying or having relationship from other countries but I just don't want to be used for "Green Card" purposes. I really like him and he seems like a really nice person. But I just thought this guy is pushing a relationship too soon. Although when he said "I WANT TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND" then he added in his email that he is just going to leave it as that. But we haven't met yet! We only exchanges 8 emails and one phone call. Should I trust this guy or should I forget about the whole thing?

Thanks to all who will respond

View related questions: ex girlfriend, his ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks everyone for responding! Much Appreciated. So I emailed him back and told him that I don't appreciate him moving too fast especially that we haven't even met yet. And it's been more 24 hrs. and he hasn't respond yet.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (20 May 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIt's pretty easy to emigrate from Canada or even carry dual citizenship with both Canda and USA... I don't think he's trolling for a green card.

but red flags abound... sounds like he may be good at business and bad at love.... he is just moving too fast.

If you can slow him down then do so. if you even want to mess with a guy that is so emotionally needy he's willing to be the bf fo a woman he has not met yet.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (20 May 2014):

Ciar agony auntThe short answer is yes, he is moving way too fast.

The question is why? He might be needy and desperate, a nester, or he could be seeking access to the US, or some kind of financial gain. We just don't know and while 'verifying' his identity by Facebook might confirm who he is and who he knows (even that is questionable) it does not provide proof of his intentions or his character.

If you're going to continue corresponding with this man, consider yourself warned. Take is slow and keep your eyes open and use common sense.

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A female reader, cattycakes United Kingdom +, writes (20 May 2014):

The abusive man that my friend married had his own business and a nice family. His ex wife still wanted him back. Even if he isn't a full on creep, those relationships that skyrocket fizz to nothing fast. My impression is he does not have enough to go on to make a decision. Therefor his decision is fickle. Anyone that can decide something o important that lightly is not trustworthy.

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A female reader, cattycakes United Kingdom +, writes (20 May 2014):

Be very wary indeed. A girlfriend of mine ended up marrying, then having to escape a seriously abusive man like that. They go over the top too fast and women who want to be loved fall for it. You smell a rat, which means you are not like that. Think about other people you know in good relationships. Is this how they established? Nope, they took time to decide. It isn't a compliment to be chosen from such a weak information base. It says there is something wrong with him.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (20 May 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI find someone pushing for a relationship THAT fast too pushy. The idea of a dating site is to MEET someone to BE with, but get to know them first. Now it can be he isn't much for long "courtships" or that he is desperate. Either way, if you FEEL like he is "too good to be true" and "too pushy" I suggest you LISTEN to your gut.

I just want to add....

If he has a company of his own (self employed) I don't think he is looking for a way into the US through a woman. We are talking about a Canadian, NOT a person from former Eastern Europe.

Not everyone and they mother wants to live in the US. It's conjecture on your part, that you PRESUME he only wants to DATE American women, and dating them so he can move to the US.

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A female reader, Atsweet1 United States +, writes (20 May 2014):

Atsweet1 agony auntLol my friend up the road is pressurring me Im like no no no relationship. Only friends and maybe se if Im in the mood. Lol one.day he left me and call and said what you doing at home thinking about me I darn near died laughing because he wasn't on my mind or in my feelings like that. And he.knows its he is psychic a little but I tell him I have no feelings for you like that especially after 1 month.

Only my ex got away with that and to be honest I didnt love him.

So he messed it up for the rest of the guys sorry. I have never been in my feelings like that about anyone sorry and Im glad cause I might be in a box some where dead if I had been. I know my worth I know my vaule I know how attractive I am and am not so its not a issue.

My friend did mention he could find my weakness why would you need to worry about that when you be having a mouth full to be worried about. Men are something just like women.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (20 May 2014):

The situation is fishy, he probably does want you for your citizenship. But, even if he doesn't I would tell him that coming on so strong so soon was a major turn off and you'll be looking elsewhere for love. Maybe he'll learn a lesson.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2014):

You are reading too much in to it. He said he WANTS to be your boyfriend so what is wrong with that, he didn't say he IS your boyfriend!He is looking for a girlfriend not a one night stand!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so much guys for responding to this question. Truly appreciate it Now I believe He is what he says he is. I mean I check out his background and his is working in the company that he said he is(he's self employed BTW)-- He even have a Facebook profile where he has pictures of his family, real friends and he even have a business profile on top of his personal face book profile and At the same time a legit website of his company. judging from all the information I got from his facebook, twitter and Instagram profile that he came from a good family. So I know that even though we haven't met yet that what he told me about him self is valid or real to a point. He even have two of his ex girlfriend as friends(on Face book) whom I know he is still friendly with. One of which is getting married this year. (He gave me their names, so I know). What do you think of that?

I think my concern is just normal for him to fall in love fast or was he trying to as WiseOlE said "trolling for an online-sucker from the USA"?

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (19 May 2014):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntMakes no difference WHERE he lives. I guy who pushes too hard and too fast should set off "RED LIGHT" signals for a woman.....

Good luck...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so much guys for responding to this question. Truly appreciate it Now I believe He is what he says he is. I mean I check out his background and his is working in the company that he said he is(he's self employed BTW)-- He even have a Facebook profile where he has pictures of his family, real friends and he even have a business profile on top of his personal face book profile and At the same time a legit website of his company. judging from all the information I got from his facebook, twitter and Instagram profile that he came from a good family. So I know that even though we haven't met yet that what he told me about him self is valid or real to a point. He even have two of his ex girlfriend as friends(on Face book) whom I know he is still friendly with. One of which is getting married this year. (He gave me their names, so I know). What do you think of that?

I think my concern is just normal for him to fall in love fast or was he trying to as WiseOlE said "trolling for an online-sucker from the USA"?

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A male reader, Mark1978 United Kingdom +, writes (19 May 2014):

Mark1978 agony auntThis is a scam. Pure and simple. He either wants money, or a green card to get into the country. Internet dating sites are full of these scammers!

You don't know this guy at all so how can you trust him? If he is communicating via phone, text and internet dating sites then he could be anybody. After 8 emails and a phone call you know nothing apart from what he has told you, which may or may not be true. Unless you have spent plenty of time with him in real life, face to face, then you cannot trust him nor know him in anyway. He may seem nice but people always do when they want something!

I would forget him and be wary of anyone who is too keen or pushy, especially from online dating sites. I have used Internet dating sites for several years and you soon learn to spot the many scammers. Ive lost count of the number of supposedly stunning, drop dead gorgeous women from Russia, Poland and so forth (usually with a professional picture)that are keen not only to be my girlfriend but to fetch my beers from the fridge, follow my favourite football team and love to do ironing and housework too...!!!

Mark

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014):

You're over 40 and I know you're not that naive. How can he want to be your boyfriend when you've never met? He's trolling for an online-sucker from the USA! Let him know he's found the wrong lady! He's too pushy, and that's creepy.

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