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He has ignored me for 4 weeks, what shall I do?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 June 2012) 8 Answers - (Newest, 29 June 2012)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hello, I have been with a man for six years now and he has left me several times, not ever actually 'ending it' but just freezin me out, ignoring messages etc. I thought that we were done with all that and the last time was a year ago now, however a month ago after a small row which I did everything to prevent he said he didnt want us to end but just didnt bother to contact me again. I didnt bother texting him as thought the no contact was best but then my birthday passed and that hurt... He ignored my texts,,,Ive asked about collecting his things as I think after four weeks I can assume its over ... I worked for him also and have found myself a new job which has turned out great. Thing is I still love him and despite offers I am scared to meet up with someone new, I know if he comes back I should not take him back as its no way to treat someone yet I cant move on please give me your thoughts ???? thank you

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A female reader, justmen United States +, writes (29 June 2012):

justmen agony auntYou're in your late thirties,correct? And he ignored you for 4 weeks at a time during the six years you've been on/off , right? Well, ignore him for the next 40 years or so! No man let's their lady wait for a month if he has any degree of decency or respect for her. Time for him to realize what he's lost/what it's like to wait for you to never come back. Better things are up ahead. Keep your spirits up!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012):

thank you all so much for your help, you are all so right and I'm going to do the right thing and move on. It so isnt fair love is it? he kind of grew on me and then you end up falling and they treat you like this?? arghhhh men .thanks again

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A female reader, Paula4u United Kingdom +, writes (28 June 2012):

Paula4u agony auntEasy to answer, sadly for you. Let him go, close the doors to him. Move on. When he comes back he will want to come back well dont accept that. Just move on and tell him you have. Get shot of this things.

Sorry but when you meet a man that truly loves you, you would not be on this forum asking.

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A female reader, PerhapsNot United States +, writes (28 June 2012):

PerhapsNot agony aunt"I have been with a man for six years now and he has left me several times"

Read that to yourself. I think this pretty much summarizes everything you need to know. 6 years is a long time to spend with someone. Clearly during the 6 years, you have never received full commitment and a sense of security. He keeps dropping you at whenever his fancy strikes him while you keep trying to get him back and taking him back.

Plainly put, he is not in love with you. He is not interested in being with you now or in the future. You need to move on unless you want him to drop you a few more times in the next few years.

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A female reader, justmen United States +, writes (28 June 2012):

justmen agony auntSome people in a relationship feel that by simply ignoring their partner or talking to them about this and that is better than conflict. I don't know your situation, but it sounds to me like your partner was not only uncaring and disrespectful but possibly dishonest as well. Men don't just disappear. They know women don't like that. Seems to me like your partner had a tendency to just avoid talking or being in touch while possibly exploring greener pastures, and hoping to avoid conflict of telling you about his endeavors so he could keep you on the back burner if his other thing didn't work out. Plan donate-his-stuff-to-Salvation Army sounds like am excellent plan Bond Girl!

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (28 June 2012):

Denise32 agony auntLook, much as it hurts, you really have no choice BUT to move on.

Why ever would you still "love" a man who has treated you so badly and who clearly is no longer interested? You should value yourself more highly than to want someone who doesn't want you!

Nor do you HAVE to go out with any new men who invite you, if you don't feel ready to. However, I think until you can bid this one a final farewell you won't be too thrilled about dating anyone else. So "wash that man right outta your hair" and take some time to be on your own.

That you have a good job which is working out so well is a big plus.

Good luck!

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A female reader, BondGirl72 United States +, writes (27 June 2012):

BondGirl72 agony auntYes, you need to gather his things and donate them to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. If he wanted them, he would have been along to get them a long time ago. Do not contact him anymore. I know it hurts, but for your own well-being, you need to remain no contact. Even if he would contact you, what are you hoping to achieve? It is probably this exact behavior that you have become addicted to trying to please. You may think if you just do this thing or that thing "correctly", he will come back to you. Please leave for good and try to find something you enjoy to distract you/pass the time. He may not be like the guy I was with, but my guy would ignore me for a week then come back and be nice. Then he would ignore me for two weeks saying how busy he was...then come back for a day or two to string me along some more. That is not someone who cares. Don't allow him to do that to you. I understand you can't move on, but you must take steps to TRY. Everyday will be a bit easier and you will see how his treatment was wrong. Watch healthy couples interact with one another and you will see. Notice the feeling you get when a good friend visits or you go out with a good friend. Pay attention to the good feelings from others, not the sad and negative feelings you cling to and obsess over from what sounds like an abusive relationship. I wish you the best...it does get better and you can move on from something like this.

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A female reader, Starlights United Kingdom +, writes (27 June 2012):

Starlights agony auntHe enjoys playing games; and if you love him in spite of his careless behavior; he wont change and can drop you when he likes knowing your always there when he returns.

You cant be fully happy in a relationship which a man doesnt give anything for your feelings.

I personally think you can do WAY better. You deserve much better, so dont take him back and real love is about respect and care not ignoring one or the other .

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