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We had sex on first date, deal breaker?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 June 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 26 June 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I met a guy the other night through friends and he was fantastic. Great looking, well educated and smart. We are about the same number (attractiveness) and went to the same college. I asked him to do something towards the end of the night and he followed through with the plans the next week.

We went on a date night for drinks and dinner and the date was fine. He didn't really ask me too many questions but he was entertaining and polite. He invited me back to his place and we had sex. However, I hadn't had sex for a while and he was very well-endowed. It was a miserable experience for me. Finally, he stopped realizing how unhappy I was. We had made plans for the following weekend before the painful sex happened and I'm wondering whether the horrible sex ruins any potential this might have had.

Is this a deal breaker?

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (26 June 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntHaving s*x prematurely in the "relationship" scheme IS a deal breaker. NOT for HIM.... he has gotten what HE wanted...... but for YOU... because, NOW, you have compromised all your principles.... and made it 'way too easy for him.... AND given him reason to believe that he has found an "easy lay".... and that he needn't be so darn nice to you, because you will put out if/when he asks you to do so.....

Sorry... but this lesson is one you should learn, now, ... and never forget in the future....

Good luck....

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A female reader, justmen United States +, writes (26 June 2012):

justmen agony auntIf a guy is testing you on a first date, dump him. Whether that be on your sexuality or other. Furthermore, sex or the quality of the sex is determined by your brain and how you feel about the other person. If they treat you well and respectfully, you will be attracted to them and that will lead to sexual feelings. If they mistreat you or do things to make you question their character you will find even the most attractive of sex partners unattractive simply on their character. We've all run into an ex at one time or another and think " how could I have possibly slept with him/her". This is often the case if the break up was messy or hurtful. So again, don't get hung up on the sex. If he likes you there will be many more dates. If not, the sex, or some other excuse or test will ultimately doom the relationship. A relationship based on testing belongs in a lab not the bedroom. Good luck.

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (26 June 2012):

With 90% of the guys I know, having sex on the first date will preclude any chance of a further relationship beyond a booty call.

Simply put, its a turn off to most guys. Few men want to invest emotionally in a woman who will sleep with a guy on the first night. Just the way it is.

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A female reader, justmen United States +, writes (26 June 2012):

justmen agony auntSex on a first date is not the determinate of anything but having sex. I know of many happily married couples that "just knew" from the first time they met, had sex and are celebrating their 50th, 60th wedding anniversaries. The sex is never the deal breaker. Relationships work or don't because a series of factors that you are compatible on or not. The more compatibilities, the more chances the relationship will work. Sex is one of the many pieces. It should never be the piece. That's what separates the one-night-stands from the long and happy and sustainable marriages. Go out with him and explore all the dimensions of his person. And have fun.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (26 June 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIf the sex ruins it, it won't be because it was horrible but rather because you "put out" on a first date...

I had sex on a first date with my last husband... no big deal for us and we married... the marriage did not last but it was not due to having sex on the first date.

that is a personal choice but I believe that there are many men out there that use "first date sex" as a vetting process and if you are willing do have sex with him he slots you as "not LTR material"... now not all men do this... but some do... so you have to make your choice accordingly.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (26 June 2012):

eyeswideopen agony auntMaybe yes and maybe no, you'll have to wait and see. However, in the future I certainly would not have sex on a first date if I were you, that eliminates the possibility of a right off the bat "deal breaker".

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