A
male
age
30-35,
*oe158
writes:So i'm a gay 18 year old guy, and am going out with a 36 year old. True not the most conventional of relationships, but i've known i like older guys, so that's sorted.We've been going out for over a year, and like with most relationships we've had both good times and bad. But lately i've been feeling very odd. First let me give you some back story...Well we've had problems before, that have been sorted and are now fine. Like i had an anxiety disorder a while back...and i felt physically sick to be out in places like shops and restaurants and the cinema...sort of like agoraphobia but not as extreme. So he use to get really annoyed that every weekend we stayed in and didn't do much...almost broke up over it, but now with some hypnotherapy am fine and go out more. But then again i'm not the "go out every weekend", i like staying in a lot.We argue quite often...usually about silly things which don't really matter a lot. Like he was tickeling me (which i hate...i mean seriously hate!) and i asked him very calmly to stop, and he didn't. So i struggled and escaped with a hurt arm and went into the other room in a bad mood. He comes in trying to be loveydoveyand i said "you hurt me"....which he replies "you shouldn't have struggled then"...which to me seems like he's saying it's my own fault. He's done this a few times, like he's trying to be all dominant over me or something. He's called me fat a few times, which understandibly offended me. Ok ok, so he didn't actually CALL me fat. Like he would meet me and some friends down at the pub, and the first thing he would say is "I hate that t-shirt" asking why he'd say "it's too tight on you"...i say its my favourite tshirt and i always wear it he replies with "well you should get to the gym more then". Then he finds it hard to understand why i'm so pissed off with him..hehe silly man...We've "almost broken up" a few times. I have to point out that i do love him a lot...and am always worried if he's in a bad mood or feeling sad. Our latest argument (which again, almost ended our relationship) was about the fact that we don't go out enough. And he's slowly putting on weight because of it, we don't go out much in the weekend and he use to be a lot more active before me. I admitted that i had put on a tiny bit of weight, but i'm pretty slim/average really. So we ended the argument with planning to go the gym more and out places...although i said i don't want to cycle into town because i don't like being in cars, let alone cycling down dual-carriageway type roads. God that was a horrible experience..my zip kept hitting his bike and he seemed more interested that i didn't scratch the paintwork than anything i said.Ok enough rambling, to the point of my problem. I know know what i should do anymore. He said recently "could i really imagine myself in a relationship with him when he's 40 and i'm in my early 20's" which to be honest i couldn't. Made me feel pretty sick thinking about. So i don't know what to do anymore, i love him to bits, but i don't like the thought of him being sad and alone (yes i know that's no reason to stay in a relationship, but i dont think thats why i'm in one with him). I mean part of me is saying maybe it would truley be best if we did see other people more our own age. But there's another very loud part screaming at me...telling me to stay with him because i love him. It's a rather confusing situation.At the moment i've decided just to sit put and not make any rash decisions at the moment and see if my feelings change in a month or so.SSo i was just looking for some input from complete strangers on my situation :D
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female
reader, Curiousbynature  +, writes (23 July 2008):
I would say date someone your own age. Its easier. He probably wants different things than you do. Unless you are really mature, I dont see how you can even handle him. But if he makes you happy, then try and make it work out. I know all my experiences with older men have only gone psycho, or they became unattractive to me after a while. Plus, they always want to get married right away. Good luck
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (23 July 2008):
 Hey Joel! No problem.
Your Mum must be really nice. X
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A
female
reader, Flakey  +, writes (23 July 2008):
I honestly dont think it is an age thing more like a compatibility issue, if you think about it "would the relationship be the same if you were with someone who is an indoor person"
Also, the maturity question arises "is he too mature and insensitive for you"
Do not rule out older guys totally, its not about them; it's more about you
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A
male
reader, Joe158 +, writes (23 July 2008):
Joe158 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hehe thanks, yeah i see what you're saying,although he does seriously tickel me...it hurts and makes me feel uncomfortable...and we both stomp off :P
I know i'm a little insecure about the whole age thing but it's just changed so much from when we first started going out...
As for the lonely part...he just gets depressed sometimes...and i worry..hehe...i'm so much like my mum at times :D
Thanks for the advice though...
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (23 July 2008):
Ok! So without being insulting towards you. I have an image of you stomping off when ever you dont get your own way. This my friend is why the age gap show's, if you were more compatable you wouldnt notice it would you?
As for him being on his own the rest of his life, he's not reached 40 yet babe. What makes you think that he would never meet another guy. To coin a phrase " Your not the only gay in the village"
I think that this all boils down to you feeling insecure. I could be wrong, but from the manner of your mail, that's the impresion I get. How do I know this? because I am like you as well. You are probably a very emotional and a sweet person (like me) LOL. But we do sometimes read into things because of this.
If you feel this guy is to old for you, then dont stay out of pity. He doesnt need it. But if you really are in love with him then the age gap (or tickling) shouldnt matter.
Of course he worry's about you scratching his bike, when you are older and you pay for all this stuff, it will matter to you as well.
Dont know if I answered you very well, or just told you off like the Mum I am.
XXXX Take care
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