A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my situation is that I use to talk to this guy my freshmen year of college and we were "dating" and we were pretty serious, but it was understood between the both of us that it couldn't go any further because he was going to soon be deployed to Iraq. Well he went to Iraq served and had came back a couple years ago. Between then and now I had a daugther and left her father because he was physically abusive and have been raising her on my own from the time I was pregnant with her. Anyhow I've told this guy my whole situation that had went on while he was gone and we still have feelings for one another that are strong as they ever were. He wants me to move in with him,and said he'd take care of me and my daughter and support us, and I can continue going to school because he understands thats an important priority to me. My problem is that my parents never really knew about him I mean I didn't think he and I would ever rekindle none the less become serious again and I feel like if i move in so quickly she'll judge me saying I'm placing my daughter in a bad situation or whatever though I know Im not. Its just a situation where I wanna follow my own heart but I've been treated like a kid for so long by my parents (because I am the youngest, though I am 21 year old) that I'm scared to step out on the limb and do what I want. Would I be a bad parent for moving in with him and living our lives together? or what? I don't know what to do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, niki20 +, writes (28 April 2009):
 your an adult, your daughter needs a safe and happy home. talk to your parents and listen to their opinion, but if you want to move in w/him. if your parents dont agree w/your action, tough, you have feelings for this guy, and he really sounds good. hes willing to support you and be there for you. you are lucky take this chance. if your heart feels for him, he feels for you and you two probably have a good future ahead of you two. good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): No, the question isn't what your parents think. The question is what's right for your child.
Your child needs a stable home. First. Last. And foremost.
You are solely responsible for giving your child a stable home.
If the guy is prepared to commit to you in marriage, and prepared to make a stable home for your child, and if you're sure that you love him and are prepared to commit to a lifetime together ...
... then by all means go for it, regardless of what your parents think.
But if can't hurt to understand why your parents are concerned. They just might have an insight that you haven't picked up. So talk to them.
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A
female
reader, mrs.smith81608 +, writes (28 April 2009):
Hi! :) Tell your man a BIG THANK YOU for serving our fine country first!
Now then onto your dilemma. How old is your daughter if you don't mind my asking? Has she met your guy and how does she act around him if so? Kids will tell you a lot about the person you are with-as in whether or not they trust them and like them. How long have you and your guy been "back together" for lack of better term?
Why don't you invite him over to your parents house for a meal of some sort? Casual environment-so they can get to know the guy. It might make breaking the news that you are serious a little easier.
I'm sure your family wants you and your daughter to be happy and most of all safe! Good call for leaving the abusive one! KUDOS! And if they get to know the guy better then they won't have such a problem, I wouldn't think.
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