A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19, and my boyfriend's 45, and he wants a baby now.I've told him no, but he's insistent again and again that I have one with him.He says he doesn't want a baby to "trap" me, but because he feels it will be good for our relationship.I've told him no, but he's acting like a child going on again and again after being told no.What problems would happen if I did have a baby with him?I'm considering leaving him, not because of the age gap, we're good friends in spite of that, but because I feel the relationship has run its course. He's a gentle, decent, caring man, but I've realised the relationship's come to an end now.What would you do in my situation?
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female
reader, marieclaire  +, writes (28 October 2009):
 no no no no no!! this will destroy your youth. and you're already considering leaving him so you will be trapped into having contact with him for the REST OF YOUR life if you have his child
A
female
reader, Dsears1989  +, writes (28 October 2009):
A baby is not going to rob you of doing those things. You can still do it just wait till the babys old enough to be babysat by ur family or something. Heck even take the kid with you. A baby is a wonderful thing. Though not with a 40 something year old guy. Especially when your only 19. He's way to old for you but don't let these other people turn you away from ever having a kid. It doesn't mean your life is over. You just have to think of ways to get the child taken care of while you have some fun every once in awhile.
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A
female
reader, alwayznd4eva116 + ♥, writes (28 October 2009):
 well seeing as how hes 45, he probably doesnt have much more time to have kids. lol. he probably wants to jump on the opportunity now that its there. but thats not fair for you, because having a kid makes you grow up faster. not that your already not grown, but like everyone said, you have your whole life ahead of you. so dont do that. enjoy life, let him find somebody that wants a child now. leaving him would be the ideal choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): What would you tell your 19 year old daughter in the same situation?
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo  + ♥, writes (28 October 2009):
 Doesn't want a baby to trap you...sure. Trapping you would just be an added bonus. If you think this relationship has run it's course, then the writing is on the wall for him to see too. This baby is meant to keep this relationship going.What problems would happen if you had his child? You would be forever connected to this man, long after the friendship side had run its course, to name one. If you separated custody and child support would have to be arranged, along with visitation. He might use 'concern for the child' as a means of controlling other areas of your life. Children aren't a life ending addition, but they are life altering. Unless this man has his own from a prior relationship he's had 25 years to enjoy his adulthood, to travel, pursue a career, date, explore new things unemcumbered by the responsibility of taking care of another human being. You haven't. To have a child now would be to rob youself of that same opportunity. Do you want to hear all about his adventures or do you want to have your own?Enjoy your youth and your freedom while you have it.
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (28 October 2009):
 Sounds like you are the adult and he is the teenager. If a relationship is already on the edge, a child will be just the thing. To send it tumbling over and down the cliff.
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A
female
reader, Ravenxx91 + ♥, writes (28 October 2009):
 I'd tell him its over and find someon more in ym age range who wants a life first. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): This man is way to old for you. Your life has not begun yet. Getting you pregnant is a way he can control you. You are going to meet so many man and have many life experiences in front of you. I question this man that is 45 dating a 19 year old girl. In my opinion, he sounds like a dirty old man!!I agree, you have a good head on your shoulders and great instincts, Absolutely you should leave this man!Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, cgrlygo + ♥, writes (27 October 2009):
 Don't let him pressure you into giving up your life! He is way older and the fact that you are friends is fine.. but a baby? No way have fun, your young and you have the right to enjoy life. If you were to have a baby.. that will all be over, no college, no parties, no kissing some hot young dude that your parents don't approve of... no graduation, no life of your own.. making it on your own, in your own time...
there are too many reasons why you should wait for me to list. the best one I can really think of is
" if you want to give your baby everything someday then give them a mom that is all grown up"
good luck
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A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (27 October 2009):
 I would absolutely end the relationship and not have a baby to make your relationship better.
Babies require a lot of work and financial resources and you aren't even married to this bloke.
I am shocked that at age 45 and you being 18, you sound like the only one with any sense and maturity. Good for you...stick with what you know in your gut.
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