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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been going out with the most wonderful, attentive, thoughtful and kind man for the past 8 months. He has a good job, nice well-kept house, and 3 lovely grandchildren whom he adores. He also adores me, and has asked me to move in with him.He has had several serious relationships and two marriages, one of which lasted 27 yrs, and is a perfect gentleman. The problem is, he has always had a rowdy social life with the rugby club who he once played for, and all his friends are 10 yrs younger than him.He recently got back from Puerto Banus, an annual 'lads' holiday. I became curious due to some comments they were making about hen parties 'on the razz'; etc, and though I have never had the slightest doubt about him, I was tempted to look in his wash bag and was devastated to find several condoms, all different makes. I really love him, but what can I do about this? It has hit me for six, and I am due to go on an expensive holiday with him which has already been paid for - It is tearing me apart and I don't know what to do, and I do not want to end it.. Please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (20 June 2006):
 You should ask him about it directly. Don't accuse him or put him on the defensive: you want the truth. Tell him you found condoms in his wash bag and wondered why they were there. Tell him it made you frightened that he might have taken them to sleep with someone else while he's away. See what he says. You'll almost certainly know if he's telling the truth instinctively.
Remember that there are plenty of reasons those condoms could be in his bag. They may have been there for years (which would explain the mixed brands), and he's just not used them or thrown them away. Or maybe he got them to use with you and left them in his wash bag? Or perhaps even a mischevious friend of his planted them.
Don't pre-judge the situation or expect the worst, but do ask him directly and clearly, and make sure you are satisfied with his answer. You are not looking for a confrontation, just a moment of openess and honesty.
He needs to either put your doubts to rest completely, or to come clean if he has been unfaithful (I hope not). I have my fingers crossed that he has an innocent explanation. Good luck.
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