A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've started a relationship with a girl that has major depression problems. She started different but every time I see her now she just cries and says how she wants to kill herself. She takes medication and sees a psychiatrist. I don't want to end it with her and I have problems with depression as well but I can't help but worry about what I'm getting from the relationship. I complement her etc all the time but with no acknowledgment or reciprocation - she won't even really look me in the eyes but she tells me that I make her feel happier. Am I just a shoulder? I feel like I'm getting depressed myself again now because it's my first relationship (I'm mid 20's) and I can't help but feel I'm doing something wrong or something is going wrong. What can I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): By the way how long have you been going out for?
If you were with her for long it'll be very wrong
to turn your back on her. Tell her straight up
your their for her and you love her and you'll go with her for help. Things will work out this has happened with my friend her boyfriend was depressed and although they had problems in their relationship...The girl did threaten to leave and I think she did. The boyfriend just got worse and drank poison. That was when the girlfriend came back and realized how much she cared and loved him and she regrets leaving him. But they have talked about everything
communication is what will resolve anything.
Talk about depression and then get help. Its good to go together. Its good to think about yourself and get help but remember this is a girl that you are in a relationship with and you obviously care and love her.
Do the right thing.
Hope I'm not too late
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): My advice is if you love this girl you will stand by her and make sure she gets help. Leaving her will make her even worse although you think you may be helping her. Shes not using you as a shoulder. It will benefit both of you to get help together and stand by eachother.
Take it from a person that has experienced this I've seen couples that have girls that believe there ugly, fat, etc and get depressed. But still there able to work things out together as a couple. I believe you can get through this as well as your girlfriend. Maybe give her a little space but let her know that you love her and care for her. Or you could lose her. Both of you get help together it'll make you stronger
wish both of you luck
update me on how this goes.
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A
male
reader, wickyricky +, writes (11 November 2008):
hey hows it going to be honest im in the same shoes as you i have all the same problems but i sorted it all out 2 days ago i loved my girl and never wanted to end the relationship but i got really fedup the other day and ended it it was such a relife for me im so much happier not haveing all thoes other problems as well as my own it is hard to end it but it was the best thing i did for me and her...good luck let me know what hapens
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): Yes she will! I lived with my ex for 17 years. He was bipolar and a sociopath (although, I didn't know about the latter until we were apart) When we first met he didn't seem that bad. He would just have mild mood swings once in a while. To complicate matters even more...he struggled with drug addiction all his life. (I thought he had that under control) His mental illness progressed to the point of constant rage on his part and constant fear on my part. He broke my ribs 3 times, broke my nose, and beat the crap out of me almost daily at the end. I justified staying by telling myself he is sick and he needs me. If he had cancer or heart trouble I wouldn't walk out on him...the poor guys sick! I finally left him a year and a half ago, in fear of my life. It wasn't the first time I left, but it was the first time I refused to take him back. On August 30 2008, he died of a massive heart attack all alone. I grieve for him, I never stopped loving him, but I new I had to get away to save myself. And as broken-up as I was about his death, I have to admit the thought that he could never hurt me again was in the back of my mind! Don't stay with this girl out of pity or fear that she will hurt herself...it will only screw up your life.I know this is a long reply but I want you to realize the seriousness of your situation.Good Luck to You!
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A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (11 November 2008):
 Don't blame yourself for anything. You sound like a caring compassionate fellow.
Depression is a horrible thing to go though. She probably thinks you don't like her much either since depression makes you feel so ugly and hopeless.
Depression is a worldwide problem and the doctors really don't know anything about it other than to give out pills that make it worse.
All I can say is don't blame yourself for anything. If she can't look you in the eye its because she feels bad about herself, or uncomfortable about something.
But maybe you should tell her that you care for her and maybe its best to spend less time together but call her each night to tell her you care. Maybe take her to dinner now and then. Make sure that if you do suggest to spend less time that you are not breaking up with her. That she has nothing to fear. Depression is the worst thing in the world!!!!!! Nothing helps really. Spending time is just as difficult as not spending time.
Maybe you could go to the doctor with her and s/he could suggest how to deal with this.
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