A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I of a year and a half had a conversation last night that I believe will break us up for good. Since I've met him he's been back and forth about ever getting married and having kids one day, he is so scared of this. I told him last night that I cannot continue to be with someone that doesn't want this in the future. We were both crying and he repeatedly told me that everything will be alright and that he doesn't want to break up. My question is do you think he will ever change his mind about getting married and having kids and will this conversation indeed end our relationship for good? I love him to death but I can't see my life without him in it anymore. Please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, penta +, writes (9 April 2007):
 You both obviously love each other very much, which makes it hard. It's possible that he will change his mind. It's also possible that he never will. If you stay with him, you have to be okay with EITHER outcome.
My advice to you depends on your age, which isn't shown. If you're in your 20s, it's probably okay to wait him out for a while. If you're in your 30s, and you really want children, you should leave him. You'll need to give yourself time to get over him, find someone else, be with the new "him" long enough to know, and still be young enough to be pregnant. And I can tell you from experience that being in your 40s with very young children is very tiring!
I am 41 with a 1-year-old and a 3-year-old. I love them and my husband very much (I figure I traded energy for patience, lol). The man I spent my 20s with is not a man I could have children with, and I regret staying with him as long as I did (9 years).
You can't compromise on children -- you either have them or you don't. Are you going to resent him for taking that option from you? If so, you need to go.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): I can see where you are coming from, you want a future, understandable. I would give him time and try to work it out with him. If you can't get to solution then leave tthe relationship. If it is love and marriage you want(with him) you need to wait for him to be ready, if you don't want to wait (which is perfectly fine) then find someone else.
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A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (9 April 2007):
 Yes it is very possible for him to change his mind.
Up until a year ago or so, I vowed that I would never get married or have children, simply because my career was important to me, and I had so much I wanted to do. So why would I want to have children when I could have and do so many other things.
One day, it all changed. Literally overnight! It wasnt just one thing that changed my mind, but a load of things.
I am sure that given time, he will change his mind too.
I dont know what age bracket you fall into, but you'll find that up to around about the 35 age bracket, it is fairly common. But just as common for people to change their minds too. I know a LOT of people that are or have been going through this, so dont panic just yet!
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