| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have an ex who I loved very much. He feels the same about me in a way. But we differ on one thing. I rarely if ever just fall in love instantaneously, but he is different. I do not necessarily trust the feeling of being in love. He can only be content if he feels high off of someone, but it seems his high is partially caused if the other person feels as high off of him as well. He has told me that he has fallen in love before with people, but they 'didn't count because they didn't feel the same way about him.' The only time it 'counted' was when the other person felt mutually in love with him. I did not fall in love with him right away. I still can't say I'm in love or have ever been in love with him--maybe little moments of our time together, I felt an in love feeling for him, but not constantly. It is a deep love more than a rush. In the past, I did learn that the feeling of being in love didn't mean anything specific---it was more like a chemical intoxication that had little to do with context, even physical context. He is hot, he is clever and funny, he was good in bed...we had physical chemistry, and it was some of the best I've ever had, but it wasn't for me at least, a feeling that reminded me of being in love. He, however, is an addict of falling in love. He was scared to fall in love with me (his words) because I didn't say I was in love with him (I wasn't), but I had a steady love for him I've never felt for anyone else. I wanted to stay with him. We broke up, more or less, mutually...though the breakup was not pleasant at all. It was a mutual battle of sorts that took a long time for me to forget so I could see the positive again. Despite some really bad stuff that happened between us in the past, I still have the love for him and I do adore him. He thinks we are friends, and we are friends, but my love for him does not fade. I wish I could be near him for the duration of my life. He seems to be waiting for another 'in love fix' which he didn't completely have with me. He calls me every day anywhere between morning and the middle of the night. I actually rarely call him. He's immature and younger than me and I can only picture him wandering for a long time. It's almost a year since we broke up. Will he ever outgrow his need to feel that constant rush? I am moving on, but I still want to ask that question. If I met someone I fell for tomorrow, who made it easy for me to forget him, I'd go with them in a heart beat. Knowing him isn't holding me back...I just wonder if there's any possibility he will ever realize that being in love isn't always the same as true love? True love is what I feel for him.
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