A
female
age
41-50,
*amantha1978
writes:i realy couldnt love my bf of 9 months anymore than what i do but i also cant help but pick silly fight with him and its tearing us apart. the thing is he is hoping to move to america in feb to go to uni and has tols me that if he gets offered a decent job he wont come bk. im excited for him coz its the oppurtunity of a lifetime but upset that he is happy to dump me like a brick if he gets chance to stay over there. i deal with this by trying to pick fights with him to hurt him the way he is hurting me but i just end up feeling guilty. he says he loves me and i believe him when he says it to me as his friends and family have all commented about how much he loves me. if that the case why is he so eager to lose what we have? im confused..... am i just a stop gap until he leaves (he lived with his nan b4 he moved in with me)? does he realy love me? is this relationship doomed? shall i wait for him even tho he might not come bk??? help!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): I'll tell you about my story to help you see that your guy wants to leave no matter what you want. It really makes no difference whether or not you fight about it. This relationship has an expiration date on it.Well my now ex was with me for 2 years when he graduated from uni. We survived me graduating (a year and a half prior) then after his graduation I expected him to live with me or near me. Months before graduation all he talked about was getting a job near me for us to stay together. One month after graduating he tells me he was applying for jobs in Boston (very far away from me). I felt the same way you did. I tried to fight it by picking fights with him, challenging him about his new decision. I got sick of the fighting so I gave up and supported him and our relationship seemed to be more loving because he said he felt supported. But secretly I felt hurt that he wanted to be away from me risking our relationship rather than staying near me and go through life together. Well, Guess What!!He got a job in boston and accepted it. He told me he wanted me to find a job up there too and move in with him. Well within one month of him being away and me trying to find a job near him he was treating me more like friend than a girlfriend and picking silly fights about nothing. I couldn't take it anymore and suggested we part ways and he was more than happy to do so. We still talk, we're very amicable with eachother because we didn't HATE eachother but his career goals were more important than our realtionship. The more honest I am when I look back I see how he was already sacraficing our relationship before his decision to move and that his wanting to move was a natural next step for him. Try and look at whats happening with you. Seemingly unrelated problems can be the key to understanding how this could happen to your relationship.I'll break it down, him doing research about moving away without your knowledge is one step, then it builds from there, they tell you they are thinking about it... they are preparing you for it and basing whether or not they want you to come with them upon your reaction, then they solidify their plans more by either applying for a specific place or solidifying the move to that place. If you're at this step then STEP BACK! The ball has already started to roll and you should cut your emotional losses and begin preparing emotionally for a life without him. GOODLUCK. I'm not saying this to devestate you I was where you are and I am letting you know how it played out for me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): You indicate that America is your bf's obsession, but it could be that in fact he views it as his goal, his destiny.
You need to decide if you "love" him enough to go with him. If the answer is no, then your love is not as strong as you profess it to be.
You may think this is selfish on his part, but from his point of view the fact you are unwilling to support him in this move is equally selfish.
You expect him to give up his goals for you. He probably will not do that.
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