A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend now for 3.5 years. There were rocky moments when we weren't supposedly a "couple" and we were just sort of a best friends who sleep together thing. After moving in together and things well over a year ago, we became a committed couple and have not seen anybody outside of our relationship almost the entire 3.5 years. For a while in the beginning he was exploring his options, but that was talking to people, not sleeping around, as I greatly disapprove of that behavior.That said, at one point, about 2 years ago, an older woman who's friends with mutual friends of ours hung out in a group of ours one night. She was an out of towner and wound up staying over at my then not-boyfriend's place for a night. We are set to move far away to where he cannot have anymore contact with this person, but I've been snooping in his email.I found out he has a secret email address and has a draft email saved to send to her, maybe. I can't be sure he'll send it or not. It basically says that he wants to 'recreate that one night' they had together BEFORE we move away. I'm appalled and sickened to find this kind of information. I am not sure what to do, because I believe if I come forward with the info that I've been snooping and found this secret email address, I'm going to look crazy.At the same time, this is completely disgusting that he would tell me how much he loves me and looks forward to a long life together, all the while when he's drafted a SICK e-mail to meet up with this woman!What should I do!???
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female
reader, Sammycake  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 I hate to say so, but you shouldn't have been snooping around in his emails in the first place. Obviously anyone would be appauled upon finding such an email, but there's no way you can confront him about it without putting the relationship in jeopardy and soiling each others' trust.1) He's in the wrong for having the drafted email to send to another woman and he's already broken the trust by wanting to be with another woman, however 2) That was a *private* email address and email account - I suspect you'd be mortified if he was snooping around your email account.It's a difficult one, but I think you should seriously reconsider moving, not until your relationship is rock solid. Moving away with someone is a big thing, but so is fidelity. You should sit down and have a chat with him and make 100% sure that this is what you both want and will commit to. You need to have it set in stone that he will be faithful, otherwise you'll get your heart broken.I can't help much more than this, but good luck!
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