A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi.. so basically, i cant forget about the guy that i had my first sexual experience with, and cant forget the experience itself. I'd just turned 16 and he was a little bit older. The experience itself was kind of rushed and clumsy, which doesnt bother me really, because i know the main reason for that is that we had no chemistry. I didnt have feelings for him and he didnt have feelings for me, which makes me question why the hell we did what we did, or why i let him think that i was ready for any of it. We werent exactly friends, we were just two people 'talking' for a little while and didnt know eachother well enough. Thank God i stopped him before he took my virginity, thats the one thing i definitely do not regret. Im still a virgin a year later and although sometimes i want to have sex, i know now that these are just hormones that do not neccessarily mean im ready for it. This guy was my first kiss (which was nothing special) and first sexual partner (even though i stopped him after a while). I think its finally dawning on me the fact that we were alone after a while of being in public, he was older and basically he could have taken advantage, when i said no he could have raped me, and maybe thats what i cant forget. And i think at the time my hormones clouded my common sense. I really just want to forget how stupid i was last year, desperate to have sex and to just have a guy interested in me, even if it was just a sexual attraction. Nobody knows what happened (or that anything happened) except for me, him and whoever reads this. My friends think im innocent but i just feel disgusting when i think about it. I keep thinking that i see him in the street or wherever, but its always just been a lookalike, which gets my heart racing like crazy. We havent spoken since that day, which was my call, and i want to just keep it that way. I want my next experience to be with a guy that i love who loves me back, to just replace last year as if it never happened. Will i ever be able to forget?
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (8 August 2016):
WOW!!! Very mature for your age...figuring out all that on your own...I am impressed. :)
Your experience?? Be very thankful you had that experience...I mean it...why?
Most adults to this day, have made those mistakes at your age, and never learned from it. They just go along making the same ones over and over, and then complain about being in a bad relationships.
You saw it, learned from it, and now...your true experience will mean so much more.
Will you forget? I hope not...so you will never make that mistake again.
You are awesome :) Good for you :))
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (8 August 2016):
 Will you be able to forget?
Probably not, but you will hopefully get to a point where you stop beating yourself up. EVERYONE makes mistakes in life. THIS was one of yours. A "major" one in the fact that you NOW feel bad about it a year later, or rather you feel about about what COULD have happened.
Thankfully it (rape) didn't happen. Thankfully it (pregnancy) didn't happen. And THANKFULLY you learned a lesson that stick with you a YEAR after.
Sex is not casual for most people. Certainly not the first time. And obviously not for you. So now you know.
Now you know that YOU have standards and you know a little bit more about those standards. So stick to them and stop beating yourself up. NO ONE expects you to be perfect.
And yes, we ALL have had experiences that makes us CRINGE when thinking back on them. But think about this, it could have been SO much more horrible if YOU hadn't said stop, and he hadn't respect it.
I think the statistic I read at some point said that 80% of women regret their first time, only 50% of guys do. Mostly I think girls have regrets because they had sex with someone because they FELT they should - they wanted to KEEP the guy's attention - peer pressure etc. I think quite often girls have sex before they are fully ready. YOU at least STOPPED it when you realized that it wasn't what you really wanted. THAT is a good thing!
Fighting your hormones is an uphill battle, but YOU can be in control. You WERE in control WHEN it mattered, a year ago.
From now on, just stick to your standard. (wanting to have your first time with a guy you care for and who care for you in return).
You can't change the past, so you might as well LET IT GO.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 August 2016):
 I remember your last couple of posts about this and I think therapy would help you deal with how distressed you are over this.
He could have attacked you, but he didn't. You now know not to be alone with guys until you are ready for more and you've now understood the risks of rushing things.
You don't need to forget, but you do need to move on and I think therapy would help you do that.
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