A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24 and female, my bf is 25 and male. We've been together 3 and a half years now and 3 years ago, I found out he likes shemale porn (apologies if that term is offensive, I don't know!). At the time, he wasn't entirely sure why he liked it. We have discussed it throughout our relationship, and a few months ago, he 'updated' his thoughts on it. He has told me that he thinks he is attracted to shemales, and that he wants to experiment with one to see what it is like. However, he has also said he doesn't want to break up with me and would never cheat. Our sex life has always been fantastic, and he says he is certain he is still attracted to me (and girls in general). So far, he says he is still happy with me and does not feel the need to cheat or leave me, it is simply something he is curious to try.I would also like to point out that he only watches shemale porn nowadays. It seems that he doesn't think about anything else, sexually, so it makes me wonder if this is becoming a fixation and will continue to be until he (possibly) tries it for real. I don't believe we can be together long-term because I don't believe he would continue to be satisfied with our sex life. Maybe once he has tried it, he will sort of 'level out' and have a more balanced interest in both genders again. But that's a big 'if' and he has already said he is not the type to go on a website just to 'hook up' with someone for sex.I already know whether I can handle a relationship with this issue hanging in the air. So, as pointless as this question may sound, I would appreciate knowing what you think - would we stand a chance, or is this only going to be okay if he gets to try it for real?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to point out - he isn't into men. So he won't leave me for another man.
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male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (22 July 2012):
Your boyfriend is either gay or bi. In any case he's in denial. No-one is or can be aroused or interested by something he reads unless it strikes a receptive chord- meaning that the desire has to be there in the first place. Leave him to his 'Chicks with Dicks', and find yourself someone who won't leave you for another man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've read a lot of forums where guys explain the reasons they like shemale porn and/or real shemale experiences, and i don't believe it's a case of being in the closet as a gay or bisexual. Yes maybe one day he will decide he is bi but at the moment, he's not. I'm happy to try the strap-on idea. He doesn't want to try a threesome, he's not comfortable with that (he's a one-person-at-a-time guy) and he only told me he wants to try things with a shemale because i said i'd like to know all about him and his interests. He said that basically, if he ever gets an opportunity (if we were no longer together), he would try it. But until then, it's staying as something he would like to try. He said he doesn't feel like it's going to get in the way of our own sex life, but that was quite a while ago - and at the time, he said he was only mildly tempted. Now, he seems more tempted. The general interest seems to be increasing, from what i can tell, and thats what scares me. He might be happy for another year or two, and then i wont be enough.
Also - he said he wants to try receiving anal purely because he has read that it is very pleasurable, which i understand perfectly. The shemale stuff is more about wanting to do things TO a shemale.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): i can understand if a guy wants a girl to do him with a strap-on.. its part of giving onself to another person.. as much as of subjugation. it could also be that ur bf likes variation in sex..
i think u should try the strap on once .. but if ur not comfortable, dont.
ask him what turns him on about the whole idea.. if he gets bored with normal sex?
it could be a one time thing or could be permanent. but once u bring a third party in the balance of things.. things wont be the same.
try the strap-on, if he still wants to do it with a shemale.. then i think u should start prioritizing about ur needs. if u dislike it or dont want to try it then u hav that right of telling him that.. lay it out on the table.
if he loves u both of u can come to a mutual ground.. imo.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): I have to disagree slightly with Honeypie on the gay thing. While that may be a possibility I really do think it's a separate attraction. Not an attraction to another man but a woman with a penis, an object symbolizing domination and power that no woman has and no body part a woman has can replicate it's power. How many monuments and buildings etc. have been built in a phallic shape and how many in a vulvic shape? I mean it's kind of like saying a woman attracted to a guy with moobs is secretly lesbian, she may just like the idea of a guy with jiggling titties she can play with.
Unfortunately OP this is not something we can predict but when anyone gets 'pent up' without something that sounds like an addiction and that's probably to porn.
Have you watched much shemale porn OP? If not it would be worth watching it to see the dynamic in it. I've seen lots of it because sexual dynamic has always interested me. I don't get turned on by shemales or by the sight of another penis but I can see why guys would. The thing I see about the whole thing is that shemale has a power no woman has, a penis. You can tie him up, whip him, and try and dominate a guy any way you want but nothing can replicate the power of the penis. These shemales are far more dominant than most women can ever be because even when say my girlfriend is pinning me down, slapping my face and using me to get off as a way of exercising dominance I'm still always the one penetrating her and that act of penetration is the ultimate domination, why do you think guys get raped in prison by other straight prisoners who think being gay is a vile thing? The same reason alpha male animals will shag other males, women don't have that power.
My advice would be to look through his history and see some of the videos he's watching. Try and view these she-males not as a guy with fake tits but as a woman with the power of the penis and you may get why he likes it. Believe it or not it's most likely very close to how you like sex as a woman but the roles are reversed here and it really doesn't mean he's gay OP. He's not watching gay porn is he?
If you decide to watch these OP watch how the guy with shemale is being treated, pay close attention to the dynamic and see if there's anything about that dynamic you may be able to replicate in the bedroom. you don't have to have a strap-on to dominate but maybe it really is the phallus that he craves in the whole thing in which case the strap on would probably be a good idea.
The idea would be to try and replicate the dominance aspect that she males give him, in essence that penetrated and dominated feeling. Of course only what you're comfortable doing OP but for best effect you would have to emanate that dominant power.
If you're okay with the strap on idea then why not try it out? You may find it a lot of fun or even if you only don't mind it and he loves it then you can get rid of the shemale porn thing.
Will it be a problem in the future? OP no one can say, but can you really say that you will ever meet a guy who doesn't have at least one thing that *might* be a problem in the future? You can't, none of us can really OP. That's what relationships are really, they're a risk and as long as the relationship has all of the right key elements then chances are high that it will succeed.
In my mind the issue for you is to see if there is a way you can add his fetish to your sex life and indulge it. No one knows what the future holds or what will or won't be an issue, all we can do is try our best to keep the things we want and keep the people we love happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn simple terms, then so far his 'shemale' desire is satisfied by him watching shemale porn. I guess I'm scared that eventually, he will become 'bored' of just being with a girl and will no longer be satisfied by simply watching it - he will need to try it. Problem is, there's no way he can predict the future. So it seems to be a massive fear i simply can't handle.
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reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 July 2012):
 Honestly, the whole niche for "shemale" porn (at least in my book) seems to be for men who won't admit they have gay/bi curiosities and the "shemales" seems a less "gay" partner then another guy. Then thing is a "she male" is a dude with fake tits. Nothing "she" about them. The attraction is that they can look female, but they still have a dick.(basically)
I think this is something you REALLY need to talk to your BF about, having you wonder if you can keep him happy.
Also I don't think letting him try it once is going to "cure" his curiosity.
Personally, I think he needs to quit the porn and figure out whether this fantasy is something that is more important then his relationship with you. You seem pretty open and willing to try new things, but it seems like he wants to try new things WITHOUT you. To me that is a no-no. You have to figure if that is a OK or no-no for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to mention - he has said he would like me to use a strap-on or toys on him. We haven't tried this yet as neither of us are quite confident enough, but I have agreed to try it whenever he wants to. But since he said he wants to try doing things TO a shemale, I get the impression that a strap-on wouldn't be enough. At least not long-term, anyway. He also says that our sex life has always been amazing, but if he goes more than a week without watching shemale porn, he says he's all 'pent up'. (And I give him a LOT of solo pleasure.) He says he just doesn't feel fully satisfied without the porn. Is this just because he doesn't get to do it for real, or will i just never satisfy him enough as a female?? I guess I'm asking - if I used a strap-on every now and again, is he likely to be a happy chap? Or am i going to lose out to the real thing?
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