A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife's ex-boyfriend (one she dated for three months twenty years ago!) sought her out on Facebook. She wanted to catch up with him and she also felt badly for dumping him back when and wanted to apologize to him. They exchanged about a dozen e-mails reminiscing about the summer that the had together. He told her about his life since then (string of four or five girlfriends and eventually wife and two kids). Other than apologizing to him (which he said made him feel great!) she told him mostly about her professional career since then (no mention of her love life or that she was now married even though he asked if she was in a relationship). He gave her his phone number and she gave him hers. She never called him and he said he was too afraid to call her after so much time. Eventually, though, he got over it and called her. It went to voicemail. (I know this from his e-mail.) She told him via e-mail how strange it was to hear his voice after so long, but she never called back. He tried two or three more times and she never called back. They continued to exchange e-mail to the tune of maybe one per week, sometimes less, over the past year before I found out about it. Six months after the first attempt at calling her, he tried three more times to call her. Again she ignored (or missed) his calls and did not return them. That time he was in our city (he lives 300 miles away) and wanted to meet up. He told her where he was staying and what his schedule was. She mostly ignored that, just saying she hoped he had a good time out here.In March he e-mailed and told her that he was going to be in town again in June and that he'd give her a call when he was out here. Suffice it to say that I don't like this guy calling my wife. She's too polite to tell him to stop. Her solution is to ignore the calls and play dumb. I don't think she understands that men don't work that way. Most need to be told what's what, sometimes several times. It is not appropriate for him to be calling my wife. His wife wouldn't like it either if she found out I'm sure. I have his phone number now. You don't know how much I would love to call him and tell him that if he calls here again I am going to tell his wife and pay all of her legal bills to make sure he never sees his kids again. (She is a stay-at-home mom so I think he feels like he can control her.) My wife doesn't want me to get involved, but she won't outright tell him to stop calling either even though she admits it makes her uncomfortable, too. She really regrets giving out her number now and thinks things went a little too far.What would you do? I am not sure I like the timid way my wife is handling this.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 Technology has given us new ways to get our thrills. Facebook is the new telephone call. Middle aged people can't bring themselves to actually make or recieve a phone call but CAN justify talking on Facebook. If a person TRULY means no harm, EITHER would be OK. I would not feel guilty about recieving a phone call if I truly felt there was nothing under the surface. When we contact past romantic connections and feel akward about it there is a reason. If your wife doesn't like the attention, she should have no problem ending the communiation.
A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (30 April 2011):
another story of the facebook - from what you have said i think there is chemistry between him and your wife your wife seems like resisting him but he knows that she likes him and therefor he wont leave her alonei suggest the following:tell him that if he didnt stop you well make him regret and if he didnt stop simply call his wife and tell her about your wifes e-mail,phone humbers,facebook account and any other mean of interactingusually women are very good in surveying their husbandsand i think she well stop him for surei have heared many of these facebook stories and many ended bad so be awared
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): Hmm. She should have told him she was married from the beginning, but since she didn't it's more awkward now.How about changing her voicemail message to one that makes it clear she is married?Perhaps you and your wife could sit down and write him an e-mail saying firmly (but without being confrontational) that it was nice to catch up but you have to get on with your separate family lives. If he does not respect that then certainly you have the right to call him.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (30 April 2011):
My first question is how do you know what these emails have been saying? Are you snooping or is she showing you?
That being said, it sounds as if your wife is enjoying a little extra attention and that is why she is not putting a stop to all communication. Not saying she'd do anything - but us ladies sometimes like the flattery of knowing someone finds us attractive especially if current boyfriend/husband is slacking in the romance department.
How about you answer your wife's phone next time he calls? Not in a confrontational way. But just say she's getting ready bc you're going to dinner. That should send a message. Would your wife object to this?
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