A
male
age
36-40,
*olidus
writes:So, apparently the object of my affection has officially cut all ties to the dude she was casually seeing and now she's single, We've become pretty good friends over the course of the few months I've known her, a fact that belies that I've always wanted to be more than friends with her. She wrote me "As far as how I'm going... a little heart hurt at the moment :( I'm taking a sabbatical from guys. Gotta be happy being single again."The question is since this guy has officially broken her heart I feel like now would not be the right time to make a move on her. Even though it is the opportune time, right? Since she's single, there's no competition, and she's totally gorgeous. what should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): Start by asking her how she is doing, refering to her break up, but don't get into too much covo on that, you don't want it to be about the other guy.
Say something like, we've been friends for awhile, and i feel we've gotten close over the past few months etc..(speak slowly, and calmly)
I find you very attractive, You're a great person and you deserve somebody that would treat you right (don't over do it on compliments, you don't want to bombard her, 3 compliments like what i said take in looks and personality) Then the main part.. "If you want to be more than friends id love that, but if you prefer to remain friends thats totally cool"and say no more. Then you have done your part. Hopefully she will agree.
If not its important to act like you're not in the least bit bothered, because if she thinks you're hurt/upset after she turned you down, thats when it becomes awkward. Just smile and say something like "im perfectly happy being your friend and i hope things won't be different now because i really value our friendship, i just though id see how you felt,things don't have to change between us". Then its important you don't panic maintain normal contact like you did before and she'll feel comfortable enough around you then.
You should really go for it, life is too short!
Good luck!
A
male
reader, Solidus +, writes (30 April 2011):
Solidus is verified as being by the original poster of the question @ deirdre11
I think you're definitely right about waiting a couple of weeks for her to sort out her feelings and get over having her heart broken before telling her how I feel.
Any suggestions on some non-intimidating wording I should use to express my feelings about her without coming on too strong?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): Yes but if you really want to be with her and can't see yourself with anybody else, why not tell her?! Life is way too short to deny yourself happiness.As for her getting afraid, it all about how you say a thing. Don't come on too strong like, but be totally honest with her about your feelings for her. Tell her the relationship would stand a good chance because both of you have already been friends and thats a good foundation for a relationship. Tell her you'll understand if she doesnt feel the same and you will accept and respect her decision whatever it may be, but that you hope both of you can remain friends. However I would wait a couple of weeks, because her break up would be still very raw, this also shows that you're being sincere and taking her feelings into account.But you do need to tell her how you feel, it could be a great relationship,tell her without the expectation of something more happening. It would be like you were just making your feeling known, thats all. That way its up to her,its not too awkward and the friendship remains safe.Hope it works out for you.
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A
male
reader, Solidus +, writes (30 April 2011):
Solidus is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're not supposed to tell girls how much you like them, especially if they're your friends because that makes them scared and they run away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): Are you single? If yes, pursue her but give her some time to recover first. You don't want to be a rebound. Also, don't be shocked if she continues to see you as friend material for a while. Step up your pursuit slowly over the course of the next couple of weeks.
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