A
male
age
41-50,
*Mc27
writes:Ok, here's the situation. My wife and i are both 27 and been married for 3 years. we have a 1yr. old son and a 2yr. old daughter who has special needs. We are both college graduates, which attracted us to each other in the beginning along with alot of other things. Now all we do is fight about everything. Finances, raising the kids, sex; you name it. I am the only one working as a night shift Intensive Care Unit Nurse. So, I sleep during the day and she takes care of the kids. I really try to help as much as i can, but it sometimes is not enough. I struggle to pay all the bills, yet we still fight because it's not enough. I can count the many times we had sex within the past 4 months. Now it s been a month and I've had thoughts of other women.I love my wife to death and refuse to have an affair, but its really getting hard. I watch porn secretly and pleasure myself, but i want the closeness of another woman. I always have an attitude now because i'm frustrated. She admitted that she avoids having sex with me, because she's tired at the end of the night and we have been having sexual problems for a while and it's more work than pleasure. I don't know what to do please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): I must speak from a different perspective. I have been married for 5 years and my wife and I have two children (ages 4 and 2). We both work full-time, and we shared house chores, which includes me coming home from a 1 1/2 hour commute and still help put the kids to sleep, clean the kitchen, help press the kids clothes, try to be romantic to my wife and just be a good husband. My wife is a teacher and deals with kids all day long and comes home and makes dinner. I help with everything around the house, so that she does not have a heavy load. I do not know what else to do. We sometimes go over a month without making love. She is always too tired. It is hard not to think of other women when you as a person are ignored. Trust me, I help more than any average guy would. I sometimes even cook dinner (when I get home early or on my extra day off), so that she and the kids can find a nice meal. I am only 39, still attractive and educated. I have talked to her so many times about it, but it seems to get no where. She is just too tired. Perhaps I should be tired, too after puting 8 hours of work plus commuting for a total of 4 hours each day and then helping around the house all of the time. I really sympathize with the gettlemen that wrote on his wife ignoring love making. Women sometimes do not know what they have until it is gone.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): Affairs will not solve your problem. They will make things worse in the end.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): You sound like a reasonable sort of guy and have probably already done the things others have suggested. Most people who come out with advice that if you do something romantic she will all of a sudden lust after you have probably never been in such a situation. Firstly you need to drop the attitude as hard as that is, as that won't be helping. Then you need to talk to her and explain how you are feeling. You've probably already done this as well but you need to make her realise just how serious a problem it is, and how disastrous it could be if it goes unfixed. From a similar situation myself I can say that sometimes you can be the best partner in the world and still nothing changes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): Try taking the pressure off yourself. Women need cuddles, love, pampering. And so do you! Get some emotion back in to your relationship and the sex will flourish. Get away from the daily routine and I mean right away. Marriage actually takes more effort as time goes by... not less. Create a fantasy world you and your wife can indulge in from time to time. If the love is there this is very possible because you can develop a new depth to your feelings. What is the point of your job etc if you don't have a relationship? Take holiday - the world will still keep turning. Save your relationship. Don't ask for permission just do it and just book it - today!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): U need to get AFFAIR out of ur head. Thats not the answer and its only gonna make things worse, put the effort u would put into a affair into working things out with ur wife. Right now im sure shes feeling pretty alone, she hardly has anytime with u cause ur trying to get all the bills paid, but try to make time-- be a little more romantic, right her love letters, tell her u understand what shes going through and be patient, but also on her side, she needs to try to be there more for u.. I think if yall can talk about this, maybe get someone to watch the kids for a night, u can improve things. Dont hide ur feelings. AND PLEASE dont have a affair. Remember ur vows and why u married her. Good luck. i hope u can work things out.
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A
female
reader, kandi kain kaylen  +, writes (11 December 2008):
what you need to do is find a realitive to takeyour kids for one night and suprise your wife by bringing her for a meal or where you both met. no one says no to a night out especially with the person you love. it will work you clearly love your wife and family to work so hard all the time so there for you deserve to be happy too. if you left your wife she would fall coz she needs you just like you need her and dont want to result to an affair. seriously a night out alone will make the world of difference... good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): I understand what you going through, l call it test of time. you guys are having problems bcos of lack of understanding. now my advice to you take her to a romantice place, make her feel loved, talk to her, make her see reasons with you, tell her how much you love her and the implication of sterving you of sex or if possible let her go for counselling and most importantly go on your kneels and pray to God bcos he is the only ans to your problems. I wish you all the best and GOODLUCK.
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