A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex would not have sex with me telling me he was old fashioned and it has to be just the right time. He could virtually stay erect for hours, 4 or more and we did everything you can think of but intercourse but he could and would just say `lets wind it up' when he decided. That would be it. He would only be affectionate when he felt like it.Which was rare. Never kissing me or holding my hand. Inhibiting me so much I dont now have the confidence to bother with another man now.Was it all my fault? Did he not find me attractive? he seemed to, he told me I was gorgeous a few times at the start of our time together. Do I have to look like the women men see continously on tv/music in particular? he would sit watching girls 20 years younger in these music vids. Is this hyper almost pornographic material responsible for his dissapointment in me? has he become de sensitized?I am told often Im very attractive even sexy and I dont wear obvious clothes etc. I like make up etc but Im not into copying or being attention seeking. I think everyone is beautiful. Add a bit of polish and be the best you can be, do what suits you.Im going off the point. Can I add that everything always had to be done his way and threat of violence had also been involved.This is another story.I loved what I thought was him very much once I see now that he was fake.I have never changed.The damage is done though. Please give honest opinions. I am feeling wreckless and a need to prove myself. I have had thoughts of going out and finding anyone to sleep with, drunk if necc. just to feel better. I went out yesterday evening and the man I met wanted me to sleep with him that night, he also offered to have me come live with him. I dont know how to judge things now after him. Should I be grateful for anyones affections? Most importantly how can a man stop himself from penetrating a woman in that situation above (1st para)?Can you help? Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): "Was it all my fault? Did he not find me attractive?"
NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
This guy has major problems, and you are just a normal person, reacting in a normal way, to abnormal circumstances.
I used to work at a place, couple got married, attractive woman, attractive guy, then no sex, no sex at all, he was a total porn freak apparently, she thought it was her and she committed suicide.
Did she have problems, yes.
But her problem was self esteem and depression, she was sexy, attractive, and she just got involved with the wrong type of guy.
You have also, get a counselor, not a sex partner. Don't just run into a relationship because you need to feel better, that is self destructive in the short term and the long term. With help you can learn to have constructive relationships.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (16 February 2011):
 Your post is all over the place..Are you wanting to know why won't your ex won't have sex with you anymore?
Perhaps it's because you guys are no longer together! Why do you want to have sex with your ex? There's plenty of other men that are throwing themselves at your feet but you want to have sex with someone who no longer cares to have sex with you?
Honey, he's YOUR EX, not your current flame. Please do go have another sexual encounter with a gentleman, or perhaps go on a date and hold out on the sex for a bit. Sex=Sex, it doesn't necessarily equal love.
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