A
female
age
30-35,
*ivejust2bJess
writes:My fiance and I were talking and the topic about babies came up. I would like to have a child soon, but he wants to wait. However, few months back when we were just dating and not engaged, his ex-gf had a prgnancy scare and it would have been his baby if she did turn out to be pregnant. We were together when he found out and told me and I asked how would he feel if she was pregnant with his kid. He said he would be happy and that he hopes that she is pregnant. But as I said before, she wasn't. But I asked him why would he want a kid with her, but I have to wait to have one? He claims that "he has more respect for me." thats his reason. Can someone explain this to me please? Cause last time I checked, I'm not the one who dumped him for an ex twice. Im the idot who took him back after he did that to me. So how does that make him have "respect" for me???? I love him to death, I really do! But it just makes me so mad. Is there anyone out there who can give me a lecture on how it might be best to wait then to try to have a baby now and maybe explain how a guy works and operates and give me their defintion of "respect" for your significant other?
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (3 June 2012):
''I asked how would he feel if she was pregnant with his kid. He said he would be happy and that he hopes that she is pregnant.''
-what?! if my boyfriend/fiance/even someone who claimed to be interested in me said that I would freak. what kind of thing is that to say, let alone feel, when he is supposed to be with you? you shouldnt want a baby with this guy, but as I know from past experience, your feelings and emotions are blinding you to that fact. try to distance yourself from him and make a list of things you dislike about him. because the sooner you manage to dump him the better, he is nowhere near good enough for you. sorry if this is not the answer you would have preferred. good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2012): "how a guy works and operates and give me their defintion of "respect" for your significant other?"
We operate the same as girls OP. It's just your guy has far more love and respect for his ex than he has you.
Lets look at the facts here OP.
-He'd love a baby with her because that would mean she'd be part of his life forever.
-He doesn't want a baby with you at all.
-He's dumped you twice for her.
I think it's fairly obvious what the deal is there, he can say what he likes his actions are clear, he loves her more than you and if he could be with her he'd leave you again right this minute.
As for the having a baby now, you just want that baby so you can keep him. Tell me I'm wrong all you want, I know for a fact I'm not because no sane woman would want a baby with a guy who is more in love with another woman unless she thought that would be the best way of winning him over.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 May 2012):
 Oh boy. I think- not sure, but I think - that what he meant ... well, is not very nice and you might have not got a winning ticket in the boyfriends's ruffle.
Probably he means, that being her an ex , he can / would basically walk away and don't give a fuck and let her raise the kid by herself with no scruples , obviously putting in some special guest appearance ( he must be one of those guys who " love children " ! as long as they don't have to take care of them or having them underfoot ) when he feels " fatherly " at his pleasure and convenience. You know, the typical " birthday dad " , the one who shows up once a year or so with exspensive , inappropriate gifts, takes a couple of pics with the his offspring, then he's on his merry way for who knows how much.
While instead, with you that are , in theory his official " true love " , he'd feel more responsible, he would not dump you to chase after some other skirt as he did before, he should take being a father more " seriously "- for which he is not so ready yet.
I am not a mind reader and I cannot swear my theory is correct, regardless of anything , though, I would think it twice, or also six or seven times, before getting pregnant by him. He seems rather confused and unreliable, and you think that after going back and forth twice, he's at the end of his " commuting ". But how do you know for sure , when you have shown him that he can do whatever , he just has to sweet talk you a little and you take him back pronto ? Big incentive to do it again, and never committing to a choice , if you ask me.
If you want to have a child, it must be with a man you can trust. Can you trust this guy ?
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (25 May 2012):
 I don't understand his logic. Does he mean to say that he likes to impregnate women he doesn't respect? That sounds weird to me, really. There has to be something else. Would he have gone back to her had she been pregnant or would he just be a long distanced dad? I have no idea what's in his mind but I can tell you that don't have a baby till you're sure about your relationship with him. It's always difficult to bring up a child when the father is not around. It's also being unfair to the child. And since your boyfriend doesn't sound like much of a keeper, it's best to wait. You're only 18-21, anyway!
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