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female
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*uby_candy
writes: My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a month now but have been friends for over two years. We started to have sex not long ago and it's great. We make love almost everyday and it's amazing. But there's the occasional "He's in the mood but he won't get hard" and he gets frustrated and down because he thinks something's wrong with him. I keep telling him that we should take it slow and it's okay if nothing happens that night, but he feels bad about it.Can you clear up why a guy would want it so much but couldn't get hard? He says he doesn't feel any pressure from me, he has no clue at all why this happens.Please help me explain it to him...
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): I think you do not have professional training to make such a declaration and therefor you seeing a problem with a valid solution leads me to believe that Dr. Pete may be hitting closer to the truth than I have.
It could be something pyschological and again, he would need a referal from his family doctor.
You are not a man and therefore can not even comprehend why he may feel the love for you but that his lower region isn't in tune with his heart and head.
Not all men can zoom back to being erect after having sex previously that day.
I think your blanket expectations that you are gettings from past experiences or unrealistic information...aka porn and gossip of other girlfriends is very limiting to your boyfriend and to yourself.
You need to be more understanding and supportive and not problematic.
In the end, if you are so heavily dissatisfied with your boyfriend and you honestly believe it isn't going to get any better with or without help; I would have to look inside myself and see why I would hold such an unforgiving attitude towards the one I am supposed to love and trust in?
A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (10 August 2006):
 If he only can't do it occasionally then a doctor is not really going to help. You don't say how old you are but if it was something vascular or nerve related it would consistantly not work. Could he have had a bit to drink on those poor occasions, or have masturbated not long before, or had anything drug related that may be affecting it?
I think you are making a lot more worry over it than it is worth.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (10 August 2006):
 If HE has a problem with this then HE should seek help from a professional. If not you will just have to accept that you have different sex drives.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): I disagree, he certainly does not need to seek a doctor!
You say you have sex almost every day and it's amazing. To expect more, I think you are being a little too demanding.
Unless he is unhealthy, or particularly stressed about something, I would say there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. The problem is that his belief that there is a problem is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy (he thinks he's going to have problems so it does)
Focus your sexual encounters on quality, not quantity.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): I say it is time to consult a doctor. If he has concerns then he needs to address them with a doctor. If is related to erectile dysfunction then the sooner it is diagnosed, the better for him and his health and sex life.
The doctor can also clear up if it is just nerve related.
It is always best to consult a doctor when a concern is health/body related.
Take Care.
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