A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend six months ago, after which I found out he lied and cheated on me the whole time we were together (two and a half years). I get that he definitely did not love me. But why would he be so cruel to fake a relationship? Especially when he complained about me to his friends? I keep thinking about what stuff he must've said about me- even though I know it doesn't matter and I shouldn't care. Another thing I don't understand is how a person like him has so many friends. He's so pretentious with absolutely everyone- being who he thinks they want him to be. Also, if you found out one of your friends had behaved the way he did, what would be your reaction?
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broke up, cheated on me Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, q1605  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 How many can tell a real van gogh from a fake. From what I have heard, some forgeries are detected only because they are done too well. Too precise. You almost want to forgive these people because they really don't understand the depth of what they do. They can't be done like that because they also lack the capacity for love. If anybody did them that way they would move on and literally never look back. Would you rather be immune from the effect of these people if it meant love was just a another word in the dictionary or live with this risk but knowing that when something real comes along you will feel it as passionately as you feel this heartache.
A
male
reader, salvation  +, writes (16 April 2008):
sadly because were human we have ability to be cruel but were not all bad i would just try your best to forget about him and move on he aint worth your time or tears
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): Thank you q1605. Maybe your answer should help me see that he was a horrible person, period. But it's difficult forgiving yourself for trusting someone so completely, thinking things would be different with you. I thought a person who is nearly 30 would be more responsible, more emotionally mature- clearly, I was very wrong!
Thank you again. Maybe the book will help!
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (16 April 2008):
There are people that move through life unfettered by the boundaries and sense of accountability that is required for a society to function. Our judicial system is one way that society prompts citizens to maintain a minimal standard of acceptable behavior if for whatever reason this person has not developed these traits on their own. Most often the presence of these maladapted traits can be tied to issues from childhood whether it be abuse or privation. But doctors have come to realize that a segment of the population exists in sort of a vacuum that cannot be explained away by the presence of a maladapted interface with the rest of society. These individuals exist in a world without morals,principles, guilt or a sense of right and wrong. They appear to be well adapted to their surroundings but really are just a reflection of what they see in other people. They know not to kick a dog because when they did this as a child they were disciplined for it, but as far as the sense of not kicking a dog because it is wrong, does not exist. Most of these people are in all other ways intelligent and highly functioning individuals. In fact they usually fare quite well because they can seamlessly insert themselves in and out of relationships and employment and life in general driven only by their self interest and unencumbered by worries of whatever carnage they leave in their wake. These people wreak untold havoc on the people around them. Financial disaster and marital woe heads the list and just about any human interaction based on trust and reciprocated feelings takes a hit. The persons who fall into the hands of these sociopaths are about undone because this person didn't exist by putting his best foot forward, he completely invented himself in the shape of what he could tell this person wanted and what would induce her to surrender herself to him and this relationship. There is a book called the sociopath next door that would begin to shed some light but it would not at all be out of line to seek a professional guidance if this is what you have been subjected to. To find someone that prompts this level investment of self to be a fraud will shake a person to the core.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): I recon thet all his friends know what hes like and probably turn a blind eye to it because hes a friend, but sooner or later they will wake up and drop him like a safe. Ive recently come out of a relationship like that and I know that it hurts like hell to imagine what hes said but remember that his friends must have a pretty good idea about what hes like and have taken his comments with a pinch of salt. If he was my friend id want to stay out of the situation
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