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Why would a man choose internet porn, for sexual grafication over his beautiful wife? My self esteem is low as he deprives me! Any good advice?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 December 2006) 5 Answers - (Newest, 12 November 2008)
A female age 30-35, *use writes:

Why would you husband choose internet porn for sexual grafication over his beautiful wife? I don' t nag him. I am open minded and interested in new sexual experiments. We have great days weeks and months together. We don't arguue have two beautiful children. I cook and clean etc. I am a wonderful companion and so is he. We laugh watch movies share our thoughts. Yet, this internet porn has me torn. I tell him the way I feel it about, he tells me has stop but I don't believe him. for the simple fact I can tell when he's been sneaking around watching it he deprives me sexually and our computer history and cache has been erased. Beside this issue i have a beautiful marriage. The problem is my self esteem suffers, my self worth and I get into a depressing slump.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008):

Why would a husband choose to watch porn? I got the answer he was bored he was courious, YEAH RIGHT!!! I was out of town for two weeks and he turned into a porn freak. I was home a week before i discovered what he had been doing, and not by him telling me either. The fact that he kept it from me for an entire week and was not going to tell me is insulting. I just like alot of women out their hate the fact that he choose to do this and make no mistake ladies he choose to do it. I lost 75lbs in the past year so you can imagine how i felt when i found this out. I lose and you turn to porn. WOW makes a women feel good. He says he will not do it again, do i believe him ?? Heck no. But he knows that if he does our marriage is over.... Don't take second best.... 21 years and i don't know him anymore. So the answer to your question is men can be stupid and women can be pissed.....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006):

I agree with Candycanecindy! I do the same thing with my guy and it sure spiced up our sex lives!! Try it, you will like it!!

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A female reader, candycanecindy +, writes (26 December 2006):

I have no idea why men watch porn. My husband used to watch it occasinally until 3 years ago when I spiced it up in bed. After that the porn started to stop on the computer. But on the tv it didnt but instead of trying to stop him we watched it toghther to help spice up our sex life and its become a once every 2 week routine when we sit down and just watch some intresting porn.

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A male reader, guylostinlove +, writes (16 December 2006):

To be honest, it's probably just something that might need to be accepted. Unless it's an issue where it takes up the majority of his free time.

It may not be the fact that he finds you unattractive ... but perhaps that he thinks he has too many sexual urges that you might not consider normal. Maybe in the course of previous conversation that you guys have had .. there was something you mentioned to him that made him think you didn't like the fact he wanted sex too much?

Perhaps, as well, it's quickier and easier (yes) for him to just satisfy himself without having to bother you. Yes, you may want it to but maybe he doesn't know that.

By the way, it isn't internet porn. It's just porn. It's just readily available on the internet and gives him the privacy of viewing it at home.

I read an article prior where pornography is just a fact of life. Even if your significant other (mostly pertains to men?) is one of the most beautiful women on earth ... sometimes, you just want a something a little different in your life. And, that little something is porn. It caters to his fantasy to try something different (in his mind) and at the same time, it helps to get rid of his urges. I think you should be glad (in a way) that he resorts to looking at porn sometimes than physically ogling women on the street or going behind your back. I believe that was the gist of the article I read ...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2006):

Fuse, I can't tell you why he's chooses porn over you, dear. Only he knows why. There is a lot of sadness in your letter and I am sorry. Take a hard look at what he's doing and what it will eventually do to you and your family. You are very unhappy and I am wondering why you don't just get mad and set some boundries with this man? Instead, you are wondering what his actions mean? You do have a right and the motivation here, to be righteously angry with him, Fuse for what he's doing to this marriage. Don't be like so many other women who are scared to take a stand..instead they get passive, afraid, whine, get depressed, get confused, suffer low self-esteem and don't deal with the problems in their marriage with strength and courage. He is the other half of this marriage and he should be loving you in the way you deserve. But as a result of his actions, he is deprivng you and has no personal, intimate interest in you. It sounds like he's just interested in his own orgasms--preferably on his own in front of his computer. As long as you remain weakened and shaken by his actions, the longer you will stay in this inactive, hurt mode. Snap out of it and tell him firmly what you want him to do. Protect, defend your marriage and mobilize yourself to getting back that sense of safety within your marriage-and make this family strong for your children. Let him know..you are deeply pained and angry with his uncaring actions. Make him accountable and tell him..both of you get into marriage counseling to get this hashed out. And Fuse, rise up against this and demand some change from him.

Get in touch with your strength and if he doesn't want to change then you have a choice. You can keep on going on the way it is, feeling weakened and hurt causing you to become bitter. Or you can be strong, demand changes of him and don't settle for this type of behaviour again. Make your choice, dear and ask yourself.....which choice will allow you to keep your self-esteem and self-respect intact? Good luck, dear.

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