A
female
age
36-40,
*arymomnwife
writes:my husband and i have been married for 9 yrs next month. during the past 5 months we have been arguing alot and for the past 9 months we havent had sex. we have 3 kids /the youngest is 3 months old/ and i dont want to mess any of it up but i dont think my husband finds me attractive anymore (i saw him wrinkle his nose the last time he saw me naked) but one of his friends does. i would never do anything with the friend but im about to explode with sexual tension and frustration. iv tried to talk to him about it but he says everything is ok and then he gets busy with something outside. i dont know how to handle this. can u help with some insight. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, marymomnwife +, writes (21 October 2010):
marymomnwife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u all for taking the time to answer me. i talked to my husband about everything and here r a few things he told me. he still does find me attractive its just that he gained weight while i was pregnant and he pictured us trying to have sex and couldnt even imagine trying to have sex with me cuz he thought i would b sick from his body.i told him bout his friend and he got upset that he told me he finds me attractive but he trusts me 2 make the right choice. my hubby told me he loves me and he is sorry for treating me like what i need or feel isnt important. he cleaned up after supper and stayed up 2 help get the kids in bed. after they laid down i got a back rub and i told him i dont care bout his weight gain and gave him bj and thats all it took ;-). when he went to work this morning he left me a love note on my pillow. it was so sweet! he hasnt done that for like 7 yrs. things are looking up but its still just a start and i realize im not the only one with body worrys so im gonna try to stay up on that2
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): Get a counselor ASAP and don't take "no" from your husband. If he say's he won't, tell him that is not acceptable.If you don't, then your marriage is just as good as done.You are ripe for an affair, and you will find the fallout from that to be more painful than a respectful ending of a marriage if it comes to that. I've been there in my relationship, no sex and getting ready to burst with the tension, and then someone makes it apparent that they wouldn't mind taking a closer look at you...and vice versa occurs to you.Talk with your spouse, if they won't talk then get professional help, if that is refused then bring up the possibility of divorce as this is not workable in the current situation, be serious, persistent, and if it has to end do so in a respectful manner, your kids will thank you for it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): he is cheating on you hun xx
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A
female
reader, Aunty D  +, writes (20 October 2010):
I Myself Currently Have A 3Month Old, It Is An Emotional Rollercoaster Which I'm Sure You Have Experienced With Your 2 Other Children. It Is Not A Good Idea To Be Involving Yourself With His Friends In A Sexual Nature. Your Husband May Also Be Feeling The Way You Do...Maybe Talking To Him Is Not The Answer...Why Dont You Try Something Different To Get Him In The Mood.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 am afraid that the only person that can help you here is your husband, first of stay clear from your husbands friend and maybe get a babysitter and put some romance back in to your relationship spend some time just the both of you light some candles and set the mood then make your move if he backs out on you ask him what is on his mind, dont just automatically assume he doesnt find you attractive it could be many other things like the pressure of young children or he may have simply just lost his sex drive. Ask him to open up and be honest with you its all you can do here am afraid.
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