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female
,
anonymous
writes: My b/f frequently fails to introduce me to women we bump into, that he knows personally. This makes me feel like he's embarrassed to be with me or he's trying to play down the fact that we're involved. He says it's because some people aren't important enough for him to bother with, but I feel like if he's going to stand there for 20 min. and tell them about what's going on with his kids, his family and his job, I should be included since I'm standing right beside him. But he completely ignores me and makes me feel like a fool. Especially when the woman he's talking to asks, "So what's new in your life?...." and he still doesn't bother to say, "Well, this is my girlfriend..." etc.etc. We've been seeing each other for 3 years and the only people he will introduce me to, are his male friends, and a few co-workers who insisted on knowing who the knock-out was that came ith him to the office function. With everyone else I feel completely invisible. Am I making too much out of this? Or is he being disrespectful to my feelings? I would like for someone to tell me because we're in a deadlock about this and it continues to be a HUGE sore spot for me. Maybe I'm old-fashioned but I don't want to have to introduce myself, that makes me feel like the person who has to invite themselves to a party. Thanks so much.
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female
reader, Chippy2  +, writes (2 May 2008):
Wow! Oldersister! I think you got it just right! I too wondered why my guy did this to me - Now I realize - that is very interesting and I believe very correct! He is hiding something for sure -
A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (2 May 2008):
 You know, you must feel awful and I can certainly empathize because I've been there! You might not like what I'm going to say but there is a very good reason this guy is doing this. INFORMATION CONTROL. Deceptive people depend on narrowing tactics (this is deliberately limiting your reality) to keep you in the dark about their behavior. The few people you have been introduced to are people in your boyfriend's life that serve as gatekeepers or damage control- meaning, they support your boyfriend's behavior "on the side", whether it's another woman, gambling, drugs, partying, massage parlors, etc..
This guy has something he's protecting, another life or girlfriend. This is no different than the behavior a married man exhibits with the "other woman". You've been out with this guy THREE YEARS and I doubt you really know him. Sorry, I know this sucks. He has no right to not give you a full picture of who he is and you are just volunteering to be a puppet. The fact that this guy takes you out and doesn't even act like you're there is reason enough to dump him ASAP.
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A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (2 May 2008):
 Maybe he has some sort of hangup about women thinking you are too beautiful and that he would be showing off if he said this is my girlfriend, X, before he starts blabbing on about his life....my question is, what is wrong with these women who see you standing there and they don't say anything to you, like oh, is this your girlfriend you have told me so much about?
Yeah, he is being a bit neglectful by not introducing you to these gals, he is acting as if he is unattached, he probably really likes their attention, he isn't hiding them from you, but he wants to be seen as single in their eyes so their attention won't wane...would be my guess.
Next time this happens, if you can walk away from him after two minutes, don't stand there like an arm ornament, walk off....your silence and actions will speak volumes to him about how you feel about being ignored in these situations....he will look like a jerk to the other women, and he will stop doing that to you, I bet.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  + ♥, writes (2 May 2008):
 Hi there,
wow, what a jerk.
He is showing you no respect at all. I'm amazed you have put up with it for so long.
You need to address this issue immediately and don't take any of his bullshit excuses. You have been with him for 3 years you deserve better.
But he obviously does not see it as a problem, unless you shock him into action he will continue to behave like a total arse.
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