A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend recently lost his job, and is now on unemployment, so we don't go out as much as we used to. If we do go out, I usually pay for myself, and he pays for himself. It is just expected for me to pay for myself now, and that's fine,but I have noticed that he claims he is low on money, yet he will go out and buy things that he does not necessarily need. And, he didn't even buy me a birthday gift this year, yet the next week he went out and bough himself a new skateboard. I feel like the issue here is that he just doesn't like to spend money on me..which is upsetting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): I think he should have bought or made you something for your birthday just to show that he took the time and thought to do so. In terms of you paying your way, right now he is obviously going through some financial trouble so you need to accept that or move on. Hopefully you are not with him because he bought you things. You could try paying for him some time if you have a job. I don't think it should be the obligation of the guy to pay for everything regardless of having a job. That is a very old fashioned way of thinking.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): Not to be rude, but it sounds like you want to be a kept woman?
In any relationship you should never "expect" anything, as this is where resentment begins to set in. Maybe when you went out before, you just expected him to pay for everything? Did you ever offer to pay for both of you, or just take the initative and pay for both of you before he got the chance - or were you quite happy for him to pay for everything?
If he has just lost his job, then he is probably feeling pretty low about life generally, and maybe the skateboard was a way of cheering himself up? Would you rather he spent all the money he does have on you, buying you presents, taking you out, and then he has nothing for himself? I am sure you buy yourself things all the time, would you want to spend all your money on him if the roles were reversed? If you had lost your job and suddenly he expected you to pay for everything? If the shoe was on the other foot, would you pay for him too when you went out? Would you be resentful about paying when your partner had spare change?
You dont say if you have a job or are earning in some way? Maybe he feels that you can afford it?
I dont condone him not buying a birthday present - even a small token would have been better than nothing, but again, presents should not be "assumed" or "expected" - it begins to sound like "I Want" and rather selfish. "I want a present for my birthday and if you dont spend $100 I wont be happy"....
Relationships are all about give and take. This means both partners being supportive, and yes sometimes, the woman has to be the breadwinner! Some men like to pay for everything, others like to share, some women like to pay their way. BUT, when it comes down to it, in every relationship you cannot expect the other person to ALWAYS fork out their money when doing joint things. It just isnt fair, especially if they cannot afford it.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (16 December 2009):
 Some men are just down right selfish. He is one of those who cant help it. He feels spending money on others is a waste of money. I know the type very well as I am with one now. Either you learnt o accept him for the way he is or move on. He may hae other characteristics that you like. Weight it up. He is probably an Aries. Read up on them. I find some of the ways my b/f is quite amusing as he is SO careful with money but will rush out and buy the most expensive camera, the most expensive care but wears cheap clothes. Strange isn't it.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (16 December 2009):
 Maybe what you need to do is to let him know that you are low on cash at the moment as you have had a lot of stuff to pay out lately.
If he is bored perhaps he sees the skateboard as a form of escapism.
I realise it is hard for everyone right now to find work but maybe he could think about some sort of apprenticeship or even going back into studying etc, sometimes you can get some form of grants or a small salary for being an apprentice of some kind.
I think he could have thought about a cheap bunch of flowers or something and maybe even make you a card, however some guys feel that doing that would be more insulting than to do nothing. Guys who are younger though, do not always see the importance of birthdays as us females do.
If this is getting to you that much, I do think there is going to come a time to say, enough is enough.
Have you discussed presents for christmas or have you made a stand on that?
BFN
Country Woman
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