A
female
age
36-40,
*alykush
writes:So heres another question about me and the bf...So we have rarely been having sex (my choice because he is being STUPID)... anyways... I noticed the last 2 times... he wont look at me (position willing) anymore. he used to make me look at him and he'd watch me at all times. Now he either has his eyes closed the whole time, or hes staring at the wall or the ceiling. Technically we are no longer a couple, but we live together. However, even since breaking up he'd still tell me to look at him. Am I suddenly that unattractive to him, has he lost all interset? What can I do to get the loving guy I used to have back? I dont need any stupid answers, just honest opinions Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kalykush +, writes (1 November 2010):
kalykush is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well to answer some questions:
The reason I havent moved out is because there are legal reasons keeping me in the area pertaining to my 2 older children and that father since the case is in court i cannot move to where i would like to be. -see a different post i am looking forward to moving 2 hours away from all the drama-
i have moved out on him - i live in his house- i left for 2 weeks and he asked me to come home. obviously i went back.
i do not try to intentionally withhold sex from him because im being childish. i am doing my BEST to set some boundries.
i have talked to him about trying to rekindle what we had. he says right now he wants to be alone. however, his actions -more than the cologne spraying- say otherwise.
he does bend over backwards to give me what i want and that is what he used to do for me when we first started dating.
when he found out i have found a place to live in the town 3 hours away he said he'd be going with me. my question was WHY if you dont want to be with me why follow me? you dont need to live with me to see our daughter.
i have also done my best to talk to him about our boundries. ive gone as far as you stay on ur side ill stay on mine dont touch me i wont touch you and we will talk only when needed. his response was well thats not fair why cant i talk to you? i said cuz im still trying to get over you and you and your mixed signals are confusing me and making it worse.
that may have been immature however i know myself and i know that i am not emotionally ready to be 'just his friend' however i thought about it over the weekend and told him you know i guess i have to just force myself to be ur friend cuz i cant lose you all together. friends is better than nothing. later that night we went out - as friends- and he told me ur right kaly we can never be friends. then he proceeded to say he was sorry for everything and that he wished he could be the way i want him to be and asked if i forgive him. i just ignored it all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): Some guys dont find pregnant women sexy. I dont happen to be one, but he may be just trying to satisfy urges. Doesnt mean you guys are done, or he wont find you sexy again...just that some guys are very visual and only become attracted to perfect bodies, etc...except there is nothing sexier than a pregnant woman if you ask me.
I hope he comes around. The child needs a father as well as a mom.
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A
female
reader, Battista  +, writes (30 October 2010):
I just wanted to add that as far as I am aware, sex in pregnancy is absolutely fine; you can keep having sex up until your waters break; there is no risk to the pregnancy by doing to.
Poster, whether he looks at you or not, you need to stop doing this. You're not in a relationship any more. If you and your ex get back together then fine, start sleeping together again, but in this situation you need to create some boundaries, and even more so if you are still living together. If you want him back and you think the feeling is mutual then you need to talk to him about this. Maybe he does; spraying cologne may be a sign. But, you need to talk about it and stop just giving him casual sex whenever he wants it. You seem to be at his beck and call- you need to put your foot down. If you are not going to get back together then stop having sex with him, or if you must, then don't expect any intimacy on his part.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (30 October 2010):
Maybe you being pregnant is causing that. If you want to get him back then you need to change, you need to give 100% because it is you that wants your relationship back. You cannot demand anything of him at this moment. Witholding from sex is childish. If I were in your shoes I would be working on how to get the emotional bond back instead of making the situation worse. Time to step up and be mature about the situation. Go for what you want but do it logically especially before someone else enters the picture, that would make it harder. You definitely still has a chance. He has not moved out so there is a chance.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Just because you're 6 months pregnant doesn't mean you're stuck in a rut with this guy. You can still move out, get your own place, or better yet move back in with parents or a relative. Also, you shouldn't be having sex after so many months in your pregnancy as well.
That's an odd unneeded gesture to spray your clothes with his cologne..I mean even though you're pregnant and you still live with your ex that's not going to stop guys from hitting on you especially in a almost all male atmosphere.
I agree that does sound rather possessive..After you broke up with him, did you even mention moving out? If you want him back then ask if he'd like to rekindle what you guys had. That's all you can do, but if he doesn't want to and is only keeping you around for what you are carrying then I would take a hike. Or unless you can really stay there keeping it as roommates for however long. But still if he didn't want you anymore, then why stay?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): Agree with all the below...
This is not good for you, or him for that matter, and you need to move on. Seriously, this is rather awful to read even.
Sorry this happened to you.
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A
female
reader, kalykush +, writes (29 October 2010):
kalykush is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, its complicated as Im 6months pregnant with his child... Like I stated before this is a new thing, it just recently started. :( However, no matter how hard I refrain from sex it still happens. - Obviously I'm not going to go find a guy to be with while carrying his child-
Anyways, I do play it off like I'm not longer interested he never seemed to care until recently, now he is spraying my clothes with his cologne before I leave for work - I work with a bunch of guys @ a trucking company and get hit on a lot . - so whats the deal.? Does he want me back or is he being possessive because I'm carrying his child and he's basically marking his territory?
And it still bothers me he hasnt looked at me. I catch him looking at me but when i see it he turns away instantly.
:(
maybe cuz I'm pregnant, but I want him back
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): So you are withholding sex as a punishment (for being stupid?) That... would really turn me off and I would let you know that you just lost your place in the line.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 October 2010):
Now that you're broken up and roommates it doesn't mean anything to him anymore. Whereas sex used to be a bond you and him shared.
So I suggest you don't have sex with him anymore, because you aren't in a relationship with him..basically it's a friends with benefits. There's no way of getting him back, it's over. Sorry..if you can't handle being roommates, which you will have problems dating when you tell your date you still live with your ex,
then you should move out as well.
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A
female
reader, EtTuBrute +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Dirtball said it all. That's a great honest answer for you. I just wanted to back up what he said.
Looking into someone's eyes during sex is a sign of intimacy. It's about how each of you feels towards one another. Obviously, this guy just wants to get off now while you're using sex to try to stay close to him.
Time to quit all sexual contact with you ex, start calling him your ex, and let go.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 October 2010):
 He's probably not looking at you because it's just about sex at this point. You're exes, you should be searching for a new BF. As long as you're still screwing your ex, no new guy is going to want you, and your ex doesn't want you back.
It will not go back to the way it was before. It's time to move on.
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