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Why will he poke me on facebook but not actually talk to me?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 November 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 November 2011)
A age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Awkward warning: I slept with a guy twice, and now I can't figure out where this is going. Sleeping with him was technically cheating on my part (I'm seeing someone), so I know that really it shouldn't "go" anywhere, but nonetheless, I can't figure out where he's coming from and the curiosity is killing me! Here's how it got awkward, put as briefly as I can: I ran into him at the supermarket 2 days after the last time I slept with him, and didn't say hi cause I was on auto-pilot and didn't realize it was him until later, so i dropped him an innocent line on facebook to say hi and sorry i didn't recognize you. he replied and was a bit flirty so I flirted back, aaaaand, nothing. Then he (oh, God forbid) poked me on fb. So now we're locked in this awkward poke-war thing. 2 days ago I sent him an inbox message lightheartedly saying that poke wars were fun but conversation was more fun..... and what does he do in reply? pokes me again.

What message is he trying to give me? cause, it doesn't compute.

P.S. it's not even that i care that much whether we continue on as friends at this point; he could say he doesn't want to see me anymore and I'd be cool with it, I have a boyfriend after all. It's just a huge pet peeve when people give me mixed messages and I don't know how to interpret them. it drives me crazy!

View related questions: facebook, flirt, mixed messages

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (18 November 2011):

tennisstar88 agony auntI agree with Jmtmj..If you don't care, then why are you trying to decode this "poke"??

More importantly are you going to confess to your boyfriend you cheated?

The loose definition of poking is to either annoy the shit out of someone or to let someone who you haven't talked to in a while know you're still on there FB and want to chat or meet up.

So my advice is to either...

A. Ignore him, since you cheated on your boyfriend, and have yet to own up to it.There's nothing to figure out, it's just sex. It's really that simple. A relationship isn't going to come of it. Delete, block him from your FB and be loyal to your boyfriend.

B. Or continue on sleeping with him and being confused about these apparent mixed signals he's giving you.

If I were you I would go with A.

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (17 November 2011):

Jmtmj agony aunt"it's not even that i care that much whether we continue on as friends at this point"

Lie much..?

If you didn't care, you wouldn't be here asking this question.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011):

The key here is never to make more effort than the man. So you didn't reconise him & contacted him that's fine but didn't enage in conversation. You should have left it there. You have messaged him again & he poked you in reply. That's so impersonal, the minimal effort anyone can make. Maybe he is weary you have a boyfriend, whatever it is leave this one well alone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011):

Umm, i'm not the most experienced person in the world, but i would say this guy's just shy. Some men are just confident in bed, because they don't have to talk and actually make conversation, and so his way of communication to you is to send a cheeky poke on facebook to just avoid conversations with you. I doubt it's anything personal, so don't get me wrong about that! If i were you i would send him a quick message, kind of being a bit blunt, and just trying to get an answer out of him, at least then it will put you at rest, because i can imagine it being pretty annoying not knowing what's going on. Also, if he doesn't reply, and you're certain that you don't want anything out of it, then i would stop the poke wars, as i think it's probably leading him on a bit, i don't know! Sorry i can't be any more help, good luck and i hope it all sorts out soon :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011):

The online poking back and forth is more awkward than the snuck moment of infidelity of poking one another in person??

You are a part of your HUGE PET PEEVE for mixed messages as you are dating someone and thought it okay to get involed with your now FB BF.

How about you have the balls to end it with the offline, in the flesh BF to continue whatever it is with the FB Poke Man


You cut out the FB Poke Man and re-deciate yourself to your offline BF?

Maybe even come clean that you had a severe lack of judgement moment and committed an offense to the offline BF and face the consequences and with it all; stop being the CAUSE of your GREATEST PET PEEVE and the QUEEN of Mixed Signals.

Accountability- it can be a GREAT asset to one who wants to live honestly.


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