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Why is the teacher avoiding me?

Tagged as: Forbidden love, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 October 2010) 13 Answers - (Newest, 10 October 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So I think this teacher at school is really good looking. I see him at lunch and in the hallway twice. He isn't my teacher because he teaches freshmen and I'm a junior. Me and him always look at each other in the eyes everytime we see each other. I can't help it because his eyes are really pretty. and last Friday I caught him starring at my but. And he saw me catch him too. Once he did he went back in his classroom. So far this week I have not seen him at lunch and he doesn't stand in the hallway anymore during passing period he stays inside his class. I need help, why do you think he is avoiding me now? It's already Wednesday and I haven't gotten the chance to see him. That's cause I see him everyday.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so SO much. Your advice is really good, and yes acutally Im never home at all and do meet other boys who are also great. And no I will not make any other move toward this certain teacher. I can just dream when I look at his sparkling green eyes who I can't get enough of as he will with me. And I hope it stays that way till the end of this year

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia +, writes (10 October 2010):

Hello again. This is a time in your life where you are now just a little bit past puberty. Your hormones are gaining momentum and so you are starting to find men attractive.

You weren't feeling this way 2 years ago, as you were maybe just before puberty then. So consequently, you wouldn't have felt like that.

It's quite normal what you are feeling. Most young girls your age are feeling the exact same way you are right now - some more than others.

There is certainly nothing wrong with it, and it is a phase, which will eventually pass. It's part of growing up.

Do you go out after school with friends? I mean on the weekends sometimes.

If you do, well you are eventually going to meet other boys your own age, with whom you will have a lot in common. And over time, you will meet many attractive young men, who you will find equally as nice as this young male teacher at your school. You might even be still going to school when this happens. Then once you start seeing that there are other attractive men in the world besides this teacher, your attraction for other young men your own age will overtake the feelings you have for this teacher.

I feel that you are really probably not going to take any action on your feelings towards this teacher, beyond just looking. So with that in mind, just enjoy these feelings of looking into his lovely green eyes, while it lasts. The chances are, it will all be only short-lived anyway.

It's not wise to go beyond looking. At the moment, it's like a fairytale, a bit like magic. The minute you tried to make it more than a fairytale, it would probably spoil everything.

These feelings you have for your teacher, are simply infatuation. Often called "having a crush on your teacher".

Just enjoy this phase of your life, without complicating things.

Hope this helps. Best wishes.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

So how do you know something is going to happen between us? All he does is stare at me, it's not like he talks to me.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (10 October 2010):

Fatherly Advice agony auntIt means there is a train wreck coming, but there is nothing we can do to stop it. You are determined to go forward with this. We will just have to watch the disaster on the TV news.

FA

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

What?

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (9 October 2010):

Fatherly Advice agony auntShe's Gone-Zo

Film at ten

FA

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I have no idea why, but when I see his green eyes it makes my day.

Just by the way he looks at me in the hallway it feels

as if no one else is around.

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia +, writes (9 October 2010):

Hi again. Out of all this, the most important thing to think about is:-

(1) What do you hope will happen?

(2) Are you hoping to make him a boyfriend eventually?

(3) What is it that you really want?

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia +, writes (9 October 2010):

Hi. He probably will keep on checking you out, as no doubt he checks a lot of girls out at different times. Most men do. You are probably not the only girl he looks at.

You don't see what happens when you are not there.

It's safe to guess that you are not the only one. Besides he can only look at one girl at one time, can't he?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Never mind he was there 3 and he was looking at me in the hallway and I caught him checking me out again.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (7 October 2010):

Fatherly Advice agony auntThe reason he is avoiding you is because he needs this job. There is a recession on and jobs are hard to find. His degree in secondary education would be worthless to him should he get involved with a student in any way. Do the poor man a favor and avoid him as well.

FA

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you. I'm also wondering because last week he also overheard me and my friends talking about him. It makes me wonder why is he always looking at me in the hallway like at eye contact. Hopefully I'll see him Tomorrow.

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia +, writes (7 October 2010):

Hi there. As a teacher and you being a student, there is probably quite a few years difference in age.

For him to step over the line of being a teacher, and getting physical with a student, would be inappropriate behaviour. He has been placed in a position of complete trust. He realizes this and is being more careful with his actions by not putting himself in a situation where he might be tempted.

If he were to be tempted, it would almost certainly end his career as a teacher. He would live to regret it.

What you feel is infatuation and nothing more. A lot of girls your age, probably feel the same way you do. Whether they ever talk about it is another story. It wouldn't be the first time a girl felt that way about a teacher.

Try to take the focus off this teacher, and instead talk to your girlfriends and just have fun and enjoy life. Even if this teacher was not your teacher, and you saw him on the street or in a shopping centre somewhere, although you would still think he was attractive, he would still be far too old for you anyway.

If it was appropriate, you wouldn't have very much in common with each other, because you are in completely different life stages. You are still a teenager, and he is a man. He's already gone through your stage of being a teenager - maybe 10 years ago or more. He's most likely in a relationship or even married with kids, you just don't know these things. It's pretty safe to assume that he is.

And even if he isn't married or otherwise taken, there's still too much of an age difference to ever make it work anyway. Your music tastes would probably be quite different, lifestyles very different. Even in the most favourable circumstances, it would be a very challenging situation to try and make it work. You would have very little in common. Apart from the physical attraction there would be nothing much at all.

Please tread very carefully. Don't do anything to tempt fate, which is something you might very quickly regret.

In time, you will start to find interest in young men your own age, even at your own school. They would be much more personally fulfilling than a crush on your teacher. You would at least have a genuine chance at happiness. And it will be real and not fantasy.

I hope this is helpful to you. Take care and best wishes.

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