A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I was interested in this girl three years ago. It appeared to be mutual; she was very flirtatious. In fact she lead me on and went out with another guy and has been with him ever since.That's fine BUT SHE KEEPS GETTING IN CONTACT WITH ME! She always wants to chat and know what's up on my end. I reply politely because I feel anything less would be rude. I never ask her how she's doing. I never ask her any questions. I really don't care but she keeps emailing me. What is up with this girl? Why is she doing this? "It's been 3 years, you have your own relationship and friends. Why do you you keep emailing me out of the blue after all these years?" No one else in that old circle of friends has so much as sent me a hello since then, just her. I do not want to be her friend. I have much more rewarding people in my life.This just keep escalating to facebook requests and "Oh we should meet up". Any options other than being an jerk and ignoring her or
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (23 March 2009):
I'm glad you don't want her back. That makes this much easier. I know you hinted at this in your original question, but we get so many people who come here and then get upset because "I stil LUV HIM!!"
I can also understand that you don't want to be rude, but the chances of her being in a position of power over you and having some negative effect on your life must be 1 in a billion so don't worry too much.
I'd just keep replying with the ABSOLUTE minimum answer of emails so she gets the hint that you are not playing. Keep it to yes or no answers, and don't ask questions back.
She'll get the hint you are replying but not replying eventually.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. I don't feel comfortable writing her a blunt email. I'm no longer interested in her and I wouldn't care if she did have an inkling interest in me (Whatever may be going on in that head or hers). Wouldn't a letter simply make me look bad when in actual fact I just don't care, I just don't want to be rude?
And straight out ignoring her does feel rude to me. I will continue to run into her and her acquaintances in person again and again. They may wonder "What's his problem??" I guess it boils down to the choice of (i) sucking it up with a smile to maintain amicable public relations (who knows, she may one day have influence over an important decision in my life and it would be good to stay on good terms); or (ii) burn this bridge and never look back because life is simply too short to waste time worrying about such petty things.
I thought it was a tough choice but having considered your kind responses I'm of the opinion, that if I can never talk to some ex-gf, then I can do the same with would-be gf. She can take her time in the next 3 years to figure that out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): just ignore her mail . it my be rude by not answering but she will get the message.
if she is tracking the mail (read receipt) when you delete her mail without answering she will get the message loud and clear.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 March 2009):
She could just like you as a friend and hopes that you are over her now.
She could love her boyfriend but she just wants an ego boost from you.
She could be going off her boyfriend and wants a plan B.
Either way, your best bet is to just force her to be straight with you.
"Hi, I'm really glad you got back in touch after all this time. But I'm a bit confused as you seem still to have a boyfriend. I am sure you know that I want you as more than a friend, but I am not willing to be with you if you are not single. I am sure you would not just want me as a friend as you know you would be leading me on horribly and setting me up for heartbreak.
Anyway, just wanting to know where I stood, and if you are just playing with me, then please stop.
Thanks."
You have nothing to lose by sending that email. If she gets in a mood and calls you an arrogant idiot, then
a) you have your answer
b) you won't have to deal with this any more
c) contact will be cut
If she does have feelings for you then she knows that you don't want to mess around and that if she does become single then she can give you a call.
Good Luck!! xx
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