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Why is she doing this now after being so cold towards me?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 November 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 22 November 2009)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I was very close to my friend and still have feelings for her. We had had a short romance earlier in the year that sort of turned to friendship. A few months ago, I told her I still had feelings for her and she let me down softly. She said she felt the same way, but didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone for a long time (she'd had some bad ones). She said good friends are what matter most to her. I said I understood and gave her some space for a month and slowly started contacting her again.

Since then, I have treated her just like all my other friends. I like to do nice things for my friends like send funny emails, ask how they're doing, text them photos of things that remind me of them, etc. I continued behaving this way with my friend, being careful not to give any special attention. Unlike my other friends, she ignored everything. She would never contact me first and when she replied, she would be short with me. I invited her to hang out a couple of times like we used to. She didn't reply to any of my invitations.

I figured she didn't want anything to do with me. I stopped contacting her all together. I didn't hear anything from her for a month. Out of the blue, she sent me an email about how we should hang out. I asked how she was doing and she sent me a huge email all about what was going on with her life. This is the kind of email we used to exchange.

It hurt me a lot that she didn't want anything to do with me. Why is she doing this now?

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A female reader, bootyboot United States +, writes (22 November 2009):

you did the right thing by cutting off contact. often with exes, they'll act like jerks after the breakup for whatever reason, but if contact is cut, it's most likely they'll contact again, either just to check up or because they still have feelings.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009):

OMG i have a friend who is in the same situation, i think the reason why she didnt contact you is because she didnt know how she felt and whether friendship would be too complicated towards you and after you stopped trying to contact her she must have started to miss you and wanted her friend back, by the sound of the this girl though its only friendship shes ever going to want from you.

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