A
female
age
41-50,
*zzy28
writes:Hi, Im [Mod Note* removed name for protection of your privacy] and im looking for some advice. I have spent the past 7 yeard in a relationship with a guy. I have 2 little boys with him. Over the past few years he started to change became very selfish and started buying thins way out the price range such as flash cars, motorbikes ect. He also became addicted to valium and pain killers, he was becoming more and more abusive mentally amd physically. The upshot of this is i left him 6 months ago. He went to rehab and asked me back i didnt belive the time was right. The upshot of this is he has met someone else from rehab. It appears he is back on the painkillers, he had a motor bike accident and shattered his leg, when i look at him i see he has lost everything, his home, his family his parents his friends and even the car. He is rebeling against this and moved in with this new girl even though everyone has pointed out this is not a good move. I want to know why now am i finding all this so hard to deal with. I cant make any sense of whats going on. Iv had to take time off my new job, i feel like everything is falling all around my ears please god tell me this must get easier!!??
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Maybe you are upset as to what an addiction can do him to as a human being. Losing everything, financially and family. Was he doing drugs when you met him? YOU are not the blame for his choosing to do drugs. His choice. Can you "save" him? No.
I can see where you thought leaving him would make him forego the drugs. If it only worked that way.
You were right. It was not the time to go back to him unless you want back into a situation that you have already chosen to get out of. He has made a choice to continue with the drugs be it with you or someone else.
My definition of cheating........ If you have to hide to do it....its wrong and you know it,(thats why you are hiding) be it infidelity, liquor, or drugs, etc. If it takes away from your significant other, monotarily or otherwise, it is cheating. Which is exactly what he is doing.
He has chosen his path. Now you have to chose yours.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): I get the feeling you feel sorry for him.Like you said `when i look at him i see hes lost everything`.You can not help him,he has to help himself.Although this is hard on you,you have to be strong as you have two little ones to deal with.You sound like your on the up with a new job.Try and get to a normal routine for the sake of yourself and your boys.You are not responsible for his happiness.
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