A
female
age
30-35,
*sylv19
writes:hello, i used to write on here a while ago when i used to need someplace to talk about the fact that i was sure my boyfriend at the time was cheating on me (which he was with several people). Anyway i broke up with my ex because i met someone i really liked from the moment i saw them and it looked like it might go somewhere so i finally plucked up the courage and left my ex to try and pursue things with this person i shared all of my values with.we have now been seeing each other /in a relationship forfor 5 months, i have always always been worried he really liked this girl he was seeing before we got together and he admitted he had really like her when i saw texts sent between them which he said how much he liked her. i felt so physically sick i had to go and stand over a toilet and i wanted to just pass out and wake up and find out it had been a horrible dream. now i have discovered that only a month and a half ago he messaged her saying things like she was the best thing he had ever had and that he wasnted to see her and he missed her and really liked her.once again i am feeling physically sick and wretching and i cant eat and i just want to curl up and cry.i have confronted him immediately both times and he apologises but to be frank i don't care how sorry someone can be after they have done it. i have been here a million times i have heard sorry a million times from different people who have cheated on me!i know deep down that it isnt my fault i always end up in this situation but it really does play with my insecurities and it just makes me wonder if i will ever be able to be happy.anyone who feels they have something to say or anyone who knows how this feels please reply i just need someone to talk to i feel like i want to just never leave the house again.i really feel 60% certain i don't want to carry on with this relationship now. i love him but i have loved before and i have gone cold inside from loving and being cheated on ad i can just feel this instant recoil of my feelings i learnt in my relationship before. it really is a shame, i was ready o be so happy and i was about to slide into a real trustung relationsip and every insecurity wouldn't have mattered. nice to know i have a thing for cheaters despite the fact i have NEVER cheated on anyone.ahhhhh, fml.
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (28 August 2012):
 Grymsoul has amazing advice. You need to be happy alone or on your own to be happy in a relationship. You are depending on other men for happiness and have a fear of being alone, that's why you jumped from one relationship into another, you couldn't just leave the first guy without first finding a replacement. Also you dated him with the gut feeling he liked someone else. Always go with your gut, don't settle because you feel lonely.
Also as Grymsoul said, you let men walk all over you then they will. No one wants a weak partner. They want someone who will stand up for themselves and won't allow themselves to be treated in such a way. You shouldn't be 60% sure it's over, you should have enough self respect to know its 100% over. He cheated and that is that! You deserve better and you should know you do.
Spend some time alone. It's scary I know, I have a hard time being alone too. But you need to be out of relationships for awhile. Get to know yourself better. And when you are comfortable in your own skin and without a man then you won't feel the need to rush into anything. You need confidence and self respect to not get with cheaters anymore.
A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (28 August 2012):
 While I read your post, the impression that really stuck to me was "I'll never be happy by myself".It doesn't sound like you've given much thought to being on your own for a while. It's like you're jumping from one relationship to another without much time on being by yourself. Before my current girlfriend, I was alone for almost a year. It was actually a great time for me to get to know myself again. I spoiled myself rotten too. I think you should consider being on your own for a while because quite honestly, you sound too clingy when it gets to relationships. I say this because even after knowing that your current boyfriend already liked someone else, you still went ahead and got with him. This sounds like a person who doesn't know how to enjoy her own company. She feels she must be coupled with someone to feel happiness. The fact that you've even considered never leaving the house again proves that you don't actually know how to be yourself by yourself. You are way too dependant on guys. Just like the other poster mentioned, clinginess will most likely drive a guy away. My advise is that you go solo for a while. Learn to enjoy life the same way you were born; alone. You can keep freinds but give relationships a rest. If you don't know how to enjoy your own company then I'm afraid you'll always be clinging to someone else, therefore you'll always be chasing the guy away. . .probably into someone else arms. It isn't that you're luck leads you to being with cheaters. It's that you're the one creating them. Guys can sense when they have a weak girlfriend. Emotionally you are fragile. You don't carry a strong personality. A strong woman would have sent him packing instead of being 60% sure about what to do with the relationship. When guys sense that they can walk all over you, they will. It's the same way for girls too. Get comfortable with being on your own. Find stuff that will make you happy so that when you're in a relationship again, you won't give off a "I'll put up with anything to be with you" vibe.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): Most chicks who end up with cheaters are clingy, needy, semi-desperate types who are always looking for what guys can do for them (fawn over them, compliment them, feed their ego and vanity, "treat me like a queen") as opposed seeking out attractive personal qualities and admirable character traits that any one guy has to offer or *gasp* considering what personal qualities and character traits she can bring to the table to make a guy's life better for her being part of it.
Most serial cheaters are aware of this, know exactly what lines to use to reel in suckers like you, and history perpertuates itself, rinse and repeat.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 August 2012):
 C'mon, you said it yourself, he was seeing this girl when you and he met .... you dumped your cheating boyfriend to give yourself a chance with somebody else ..... that suggests you were, if not sexually emotionally, cheating on your ex.
We get back what we give out. Give relationships a miss for a while, the world isn't going to stop spinning and nothing dire will happen as a result. Give yourself time to become an independant, self reliant person, not one who can't survive unless you are some man's handbag, hanging off his arm. Sort yourself out and you will find you are attracting a different sort of man. As for your 'having a thing for cheaters' have you heard the saying, do something once, its a mistake, do it twice and its a choice.
You have the answers within, you just need to listen to them.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 August 2012):
 I think the first paragraph of your submittal is VERY telling. You write: "...i broke up with my ex because i met someone i really liked from the moment i saw them and it looked like it might go somewhere...."
My thought is that you "sound" as if you flit from guy/relationship (G/R) to G/R.... NEVER stopping, in-between, to experience just WHO YOU ARE. THAT makes you vulnerable, since you are defining yourself by your G/Rs and NOT the real woman who wears your shoes each day...
Take a break from "relationships" some time, and take time do "discover" yourself. I bet the "self" that you find will be much less prone to end up in cheating relationships...
Good luck.....
...............................
|
