A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm a little concerned with my relationship. My BF of 6 months is recently divorced and we met while he was waiting for it to be final. He still hasn't introduced me to his friends because his ex is friends with them too and I also haven't met his family. On xmas his family spent the day with her and on new years, his parents usually have a party but she said she was going. Instead of just going and bringing me, he decided not to go again. His friends had a xmas party that she didn't even go to but he still didn't go. I think he figured someone would tell her I was there. I don't get it. Its not like he's going and lying to me and not bringing me, but he would rather not go at all then to bring me. When he calls her, he calls her from work or when I'm not around. They email too so I don't know what is said as he only tells me what he wants. His family is making it hard for him to move on because they always invite her. He did however bring my son to his buddies house for a camping thing and when I asked how he explained that to his friends, he just said no one asked because he told them he was the son of someone he works with. Why is it so hard for him to let her know he met someone? He claims its soon and she'll think it went on the whole time but if they are divorced, who cares what she thinks? He was cheating on her for years and claims she never found out and doesn't want her to even now. He did tell me he spoke to his parents about weaning her away so I know he's making an effort but I feel left out and have been. He also picks his dog up and is going this week, I said I'd go for the ride and wait in the car but he said no, she'll probably be at his parents and everyone would feel uncomfortable. What do I make of this? Not to mention, he's called me her name on more than one occasion so that isn't helping matters. He doesn't think I should get upset when he does but I do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): are you sure they are divorce because it sound like he is still up to his old tricks you did say he cheated for years .
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (30 December 2008):
 You don't say how long he was married but it sounds like it was for quite a while. This will take some time to sort out but eventually he's just going to have to take the plunge and introduce you. However the fact that he was cheating on his wife for years would concern me more than anything else.
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A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (30 December 2008):
 If you have been together for six months, and you started dating before the divorce was final, I take it their divorce was quite recent. It is natural that the resulting situation would be a tricky one to navigate with family and friends. You don't say how long they were married but spouses often do share the same, or similar, social circles. Your boyfriend is trying to work this out in a way that won't force all their mutual friends to obviously choose sides. While it's admirable, it might not be the most realistic solution.
It sounds as if he is afraid his ex is going to have some crazy immature reaction when she sees him with another girl (you). Don't take this as an insult, as it speaks to your boyfriend's impression of his ex's character (i.e. that he thinks she has very little). It's probable that she is less than happy he is seeing someone else so soon and is intentionally making things difficult for the both of you by deciding to attend all these events with people who are no longer "her" family.
As for your BF, it sounds as if he is at least trying to resolve things as he has told his parents to start leaving her out bit by bit. Be patient. I know it's hard, but remember that his life and hers were pretty intertwined and sorting it all out afterward takes time.
Him calling you by her name is probably an honest mistake, but do explain to him how hurtful you find it and he will probably make more of an effort to stop. Good luck =]
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