A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:{Moderator note: two questions from the same poster combined}Just a quick question. After a woman gets married it's easy for her to look at a man and not feel attracted to him or think of him sexually or get aroused by him. So why is it so hard for a married man to not look at other women and want to sleep with them?... I found out my husband looks at hardcore bdsm and incest porn alot. Should I be worried?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for writing, when I wrote this I should of been more specific. I was angry when I asked this question. For two years he had been extremely distant and only had sex once a month when we used to once a day. I found porn hidden in our room. He says he only wants to have sex after watching porn which makes me feel like he has to look at other women to want me. We have 2 kids together and I workout, down to a size 7 and do most of what they do in the videos. He even told me he got worked up looking at a female and ran home to me.To me if he gets worked up by thinking of someone else I feel used as a sex toy to finish the job. So now when we have sex I'm worried if he's thinking of someone else since he has took look at other women to get turned on. Personally I will find guys attractive, but don't get aroused thinking of other men or get off thinking of them. Maybe it was the way I was raised, I don't know. Honestly, if I felt loved and got my time some porn on occasion I could compromise on. But I'm ignored in all aspects and feel replaced by any other woman that fits his fancy. He also has made comments about how my tits are too small...it's brought down my esteem a bit.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): Women cheat, at least in the USA, younger women anyway, probably just as often as men do.
So, no, they don't stop looking.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (9 December 2010):
 That hasn't been my experience at all. As a man, I've always found that I automatically stop looking at other women when I am in a relationship. When things are going so well, and this woman I'm dating is so beautiful in my eyes, there's no one else in all the world! I don't even have to think about it, or work at it. I am just wired to be one woman's man. Yet the women I've dated have consistently flirted and cheated with other men to the extent that I'm rapidly losing faith that women CAN be honest or trustworthy.
People are just people, regardless of gender. Some have wandering eyes and some don't. Some cheat and some never will. Some like to look around and some don't need to. It's got nothing to do with what sex a person is.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 I beg to differ. After a woman marries, she still has eyes and hormones and still looks. To say otherwise is to lie, either to yourself or to others. Maybe they won't act on what they see and like, but...
Your husband watches BDSM and incest porn. I wonder what this means. I don't want to be judgmental, but, personally, I wouldn't like it if someone looked at incest porn. Porn is one thing, then BDSM another, but I guess incest porn is too much, at least in my books.
Why does he look at that particular kind of porn? Has he hinted anything?
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (9 December 2010):
 First of all, the female body is made to be appealing. The male body, not so much. Men are also wired to be visual when it comes to arousal; whereas us women are wired to be emotional. Just because he looks at other women, doesn't mean he wants to be with them. I look at other men, and find some extremely attractive. A few of them I find sexual appealing, but I would never ever want them over my man.I can understand being upset about finding out about porn after being with someone so long and not knowing. But, here is a question for you, does he treat you any differently? If he has, and still is, a loving man and tries to make you happy, then what's the problem? From experience (not the same type of porn, but still porn) I can understand the worried and insecure feelings. Maybe you should talk to him. Communication is key to a good relationship. He might have a fetish for those kinds of porn. And a fetish doesn't always mean they want to act it our in real life. Some men look at anal porn, but would not want to stick it in there ever.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): It's very natural for men to look at and admire other women. It's just the way we are designed. I think you are wrong about women as well. My wife can look at another man and think he is good looking. It doesn't mean she/me are going to stray.
I would be a bit worried about the incest sites though. BDSM also unless you share a mutual interest?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): I mean this in the nicest way possible to guys and apologise if I'm wrong!! I think it nay be a (generalisation) case of women being more reserved about the attractive guys they see. Also as were generally a bit more sensitive I think (once again no offence meant it a sweeping generalisation) we maybe consider things before we open out mouths or stare at a guy walking down the road.
Although bdsm really isn't my cup of tea I fibrefill there is anything wrong with him being curious however incest porn! Wow! You don't have any kids do you, hide them!!! It's pretty scary that he watches that in my opinion!!
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