A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating someone for 7 weeks, we are both 27 and have been sleeping together for 4 weeks. (it was a bit soon i know!) We both work 10 hour days, 5 days per week. My question is, he seems too casual and i wonder if its a case of "he's just not into me". We dont see each other often, maybe 2 evenings per week. He always stays with me all the next day after sleeping over. Last weekend i stayed with him on friday night and all day saturday. When we were cuddled up on the couch he asked what i was doing that night (saturday) i said i wasnt sure, and I asked what he was doing. He said "oh i have some friends i have to catch up with for a drink". Was it strange that he didnt invite me?? i mentioned this to him a few hours later and he said "oh no, its with my old work friends and its not something you would invite your girlfriend to". Tonight we had dinner (wednesday night) we had a great time, he dropped me home and said "i cant see you tomorrow night because i have to work late but maybe friday"... is this strange that he would say "maybe" friday? Or am i just being too smothering?!He has always been a bit laid back :( It really upset me about 2 weeks ago and i asked him if we were together or are we just "casual intimate friends" (FWB) he said "no, we are together". I asked him what he would say if someone asked him who i was and he said "i would say that this is the girl i'm seeing and she is my girlfriend". What do you think?? do i just need to chill or should i be cautious? One of my close friends said that he didnt actually commit to seeing me on friday night in case he gets a better offer!! Also, we dont talk much during the day but he always sends me a good night text each evening without fail. (dont know if this counts or not!) I have also been out with him and his friends so im not a secret. The problem is that i feel im getting attached already and dont want to continue sleeping with him if he is "just not that into me". Thanks everyone!! x
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your advice! Its much appreciated :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): I think you already have your answer since he's said it himself and considers you his girlfriend.
Why is he too casual? He might be thinking the same thing about you. If you seem to doubt his intentions as much as you do, then he may be very well trying to make sure he doesn't assume too much about you. He may very well think you're too casual?
That explains the "maybe" and perhaps his reluctance to invite you to a work function. He sounds more cautious and nervous than he lets on.
If you like him and want a relationship (which he explicitly said he wanted)you should encourage him. Tell him you had a great time.
Stop waiting for him to dictate the time you spend together and determine the terms of the relationship!
Tell him you want to spend time with him. Suggest something YOU want to do.
If you pretend you are too cool to risk your emotions, then it's no wonder he does the same thing.
Stop listening to your girlfriend...
...............................
A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv  +, writes (3 February 2011):
 Yea, you need to relax. As long as he stays consistent with spending time with you. Give him a little space. When he goes out with his friends, You should go out with yours. Make him wonder who you are with. If he starts spending Saturday away from you, then I would worry.
...............................
A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (3 February 2011):
 His behavior is strange. I think he does like you, but I don't think he's taking the relationship too seriously. It's only been 7 weeks, after all. The 'maybe Friday' comment sounds like he wants to keep his options open in case something better comes along, but at the same time wants to keep you hooked on the hope that you'll see him.
Because you started sleeping together so soon, sex is one of the main things the relationship is being built on. This isn't good, it's making things too complicated too soon.
It detracts from the other things you share and have in common because you haven't had a chance to really get to know each other yet. Sex absolutely has to come later, after you know each other better and know where the relationship is going. It'll save a lot of confusion, and you won't be wondering if he's in it just for sex or if he's in it because he genuinely wants to be with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, mselu08 +, writes (3 February 2011):
I completely understand how you feel. Do yourself a favor while the relationship is still new: make yourself unavailable. When he says he can't see you Thursday night because he has plans, tell him something like " No big deal! I have a dinner date with some girlfriends." Even if you don't. You need to turn the tables while you still have the chance. One of two things will happen. He will either step up and start including you in his life more, or the relationship will fizzle out. Either way, it's a good thing. I wish I would have done that. Instead, I've been with my guy for four years and he still seems to put his friends first. I made myself too dependent and reliable to him. Don't make the same mistake I made. It's miserable.
...............................
|
